Happy New Year everybody!   Now that the gorging, celebrating, and partying is over its time to focus on goals for 2009.   Not resolutions, but goals.   Resolutions are things that fade by the wayside after a week like many people going to the gym.   Goals are measurable, defined and most important reachable.   This has been the third holiday season after my father’s death.  I will tell you certain days of the year are not that much fun.   The start of the New Year is a day filled with happiness, hope, and most important remembering all the good things from years past.

That is what 2009 is going to be for me, and I hope for you.   I had no idea when I was writing I Miss My Dad in 2006 that I would still be talking about my Dad now.   It is an honor and feel eternally greatful to have been given this privilege.   I hope you will find some small way to remember your Dad or loved one who has passed.   Three tips for helping remember Dad:

1. Have a strong visual cue- For me photos work best.   There is a picture of my Dad in my house with the whole family and it really is a great family picture.   Every time I need to tell him something I talk to that picture.   I know it might seem weird talking to a picture.   But for me talking to the masoleum where he rests just dosen’t cut it for me.   I need to have that visual of him looking back at me.

2. Have Dad’s favorite for dinner– A simple but great idea.   People all over the world connect love with food.   Everybody’s Dad had a favorite food.   My Dad loved Little Caesars Pizza with ham and green pepper.   Would anybody like to take a guess as to what my preferred choice and toppings for pizza are?   It is not just that I like the taste.   It was a way for my Dad and I to have something in common and sometimes that was very challenging.   Besides, who dosen’t love pizza of any kind?

3. Participate in one of Dad’s favorite hobbies– My Dad absolutely loved to putz in the yard.   He could spend hours in the yard doing who knows what?   I swear sometimes he invented things to do outside just to be outside.   I think yardwork for the most part stinks, although I will do it if it is necessary.   This past fall there was a lot of raking to do at my parents house.   I found myself out on a nice sunny Saturday in October raking leaves for two hours.   And you know, it was pretty peaceful.   I was enjoying the sunshine, with me and my thoughts and it was great.   Maybe Dad did get it after all.

Whatever your Dad or loved one’s traditions were, remember them.   Try and duplicate them if you can as a way of honoring Dad.   You won’t be sorry at the time you spent.

Eric Tomei

Tags: grief, hope