Death of a Sibling, Special Topics, Your Grief

Caretakers: Dealing With Our Own Needs

Monday, August 31, 2009

I’ve been a bedside volunteer for more than five years, sitting with dying patients and their families once or twice a week for up to four continuous hours. Sometimes I stay with patients overnight. Regardless of how demanding my responsibilities are, I know that when I leave the bedside, I’ll have to take three to six days to “recover.” It’s a time to prepare myself for the next week’s bedside activities that can range from conversing about life to witnessing a friend’s active dying. My downtime –something that allows me to recharge my batteries — is a luxury many caregivers […]

Death of a Child, Special Topics

Heal Through Contact With ‘Inner Voice’

Sunday, August 30, 2009

I have talked with many people about grief. Several years ago, I interviewed a young widow about the anticipatory grief she felt during her husband’s terminal illness. Her story was compelling.  As death drew closer, the couple drew closer. “We went to a special place,” she said. “I can’t explain it.” Thanks to life experience, grief research, and my writing career, I understood her description. But I did not understand it fully until four of my loved ones died within nine months. The pain of these losses was searing. Listening to my inner voice, or soul, helped me to cope. […]

Death of a Spouse

What a Hospice End-of-Life Consultation Meant To Us

Saturday, August 29, 2009

When my husband was in the last stage of Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis, with no hope for a cure, we settled him in our den, next to the TV where he could watch his beloved Cubbies play ball, in the company of his loved ones and devoted Black Lab. During those final weeks, as he became weaker and weaker, we faced each day as a gift and marveled at the sunshine, fall flowers, changing leaves and the contentment we knew as a happy family. We kept up the illusion that we still had more time. Then one day the nurse who had […]

Death of a Child

Handling Guilt Reactions

by Sandy Fox It is the two year anniversary of my friend’s daughter’s death. Whether she died from an overdose of drugs by accident or on purpose will never be known. What is known is that she did abuse drugs. Her entire life her mom tried to help her only child in any way she could. The end result: as hard as she may have tried, she couldn’t save her. She now lives with the guilt that only a mother can have, a guilt quite undeserved. Her story reminds me of two stories in my book showing two very different guilt […]

Special Topics

Film Review: Departures

Friday, August 28, 2009

“Departures” is the story of Daigo Kobayashi, a passionate cellist with a dream job in an orchestra, who finds himself abruptly out of job — and in huge debt for a very pricey cello — when the orchestra dissolves. What do you do when your dream has fizzled and you’ve got to re-group? You go home, and you look for another job. Daigo and his apparently unflappable wife, Miko, head to Hirano, in northeastern Japan, where Daigo grew up. Daigo has inherited the house he grew up in from his mother, who died while he was abroad some years earlier. […]

Death of a Child

The First Support Group Meeting

Thursday, August 27, 2009

By Monica Novak – When our daughter Miranda was stillborn 14 years ago, despite the love and support from family and friends, my husband Al and I often felt a strange aloneness, as if we were existing in another world emotionally separated from everything and everyone around us.  My saving grace became the local Share support group, a place where everyone understood.  It’s sometimes difficult to build up the courage to attend your first support group meeting – it was for us – but the benefits are innumerable and immeasurable.  You’re about to read the first chapter of my book, […]

Death of a Child

Back to School Time Can Be Difficult

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

By Monica Novak – It was July and summer was still in full-swing when the seasonal patio furniture began to quietly disappear from local stores.  I knew what was coming, but said nothing.  Before long, the signs and bins began going up, and children either delighted or groaned.  Parents, too, either delighted or groaned.  Back to School clothes and supplies were arriving and the ads were everywhere. But this annual ritual can be a painful reminder for some.  Parents who lost a baby three years ago don’t get to shop for the first backpack, something small and cute with ponies […]

Death of a Parent

The things you miss…

One of my patients in the clinic was telling me about how his shoulder problem was preventing him for throwing with his son who is a pitcher on his baseball team.  In fact that was his number one goal to throw a baseball again and throw it well with his son.  It was exciting to talk to someone who had such a passion for the game as he played it just like I did.  He was outlining his throwing motion to me and I was dissecting it and determining what exercises would be best for his particular situation. Having played […]

Death of a Child

Angel of Hope Memorial

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

By Carol O’Dell — Amelia Island, FL, has an angel. It stands just past the intersection of 8th and Atlantic. The childlike face lifts toward the sky, arms outstretched as though holding something invisible, and bronzed wings gleam against the stark Florida sun. The inscription at the bottom of the statue reads, “Angel of Hope.” It is encircled by a short brick wall and eight benches with a loved one’s name on each one. I found this “Angel of Hope” one afternoon on a photography/bike trek around the island. I stopped to take a picture and began to read. The inscription […]

Death of a Child

Grief Groups vs Reading Books

Saturday, August 22, 2009

by Sandy Fox Why do some bereaved parents go to a grief group? 1. We need to be with people who understand what we are going through. Only someone who has been there can identify with us completely. 2. We will find new friends and closer bonds than we ever thought possible. 3. We can be ourselves there. We can cry when we need to and not worry about being embarrassed. We can hug others whether we know the person or not. 4. We need to talk to someone who is a good listener as we remember our children and […]