Special Topics

’60 Minutes’ Deserves Praise for Challenging Culture’s Denial of Death

Monday, November 30, 2009

The 60 Minutes segment on end of life expenses did more than highlight inappropriate medical costs. It spoke to the role of medical technology in our cultural denial of death. As medical technology becomes more sophisticated in forestalling our inevitable end, we mistake “prolonging life” for “immortality.” Instead of treating death as a necessary price for living, we hide it as we do an embarrassing blemish. Rather than accepting it, we pretend it doesn’t exist. With every new life-stretching achievement, our gratitude to the medical community increases, their wealth grows exponentially, and our denial of death becomes easier. So easy […]

Death of a Child, Special Topics, Your Grief

Letter to a Son, Decades After His Death

Dear Kelly,                                                                                                                                            November 23, 2009 I was going to name you Connor but decided on Kelly, another good Irish name… gosh that was 31 years ago…wow…now we are thinking about baby names again. We had named your sister Meagan, who is now due to have her second child at any moment. You left us, my son, when that veil between our worlds separated briefly and you stepped through. December 1st is always a grim reminder of that calendar day. It is approaching fast, like fierce storm clouds gathering on the far horizon; a dog howling deep down and fearful […]

Death of a Child, Special Topics, Your Grief

The Quantum Physics of Giving

St. Frances of Assisi said: it is in giving that you receive, it is in healing that you are healed. I do not care what your religious background or belief system is, this 13th century Catholic monk hit it straight on the head. Nothing is more healing to our aching heart and soul then reaching out with a compassionate hand and heart to others in pain. During the course of my 8-year-old son’s battle with cancer, I attended a holistic college to learn massage. I wanted to be able to help rid toxins from Kelly’s chemo-ridden body and to give […]

Death of a Child, Special Topics, Your Grief

Hope For Heavy Hearts During Holidays

Sunday, November 29, 2009

The holidays are here.  Normally, they are a time for family fun and celebration but when someone you loved has died, the season may be painful and lonely. When grieving ,we can feel completely overwhelmed with sadness.  We miss the loved person and we long for them.  “How can I make it through these days?” we ask.   “How will I survive?”  Here are some ways that have helped me to survive my many losses, particularly the death of my daughter, Katie.  Maybe they can help you, too. Your Body ~ Rest; you have experienced monumental loss.  You are exhausted.  Go to bed […]

Special Topics

Votives for Remembrance

Saturday, November 28, 2009

The holidays are a particularly difficult time for many families who are yearning for their loved ones, no matter how long they have been gone. My grandmother, Georgiana, out-lived my grandfather, Arsene, by 25 years.  Not a day went by without her missing him.  Often, we would visit her. She was a warm and loving person with calm blue eyes who gave birth to 17 children.  She never spoke about how difficult it was raising so many, but rather looked at her life as a blessing, filled with many challenges only faith, hope and love could conquer. My grandmother kept the […]

Death of a Child, Special Topics, Your Grief

Celebrating My Deceased Daughter’s Birthday

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Today would have been my elder daughter’s birthday.  She was born on Thanksgiving Day decades ago.  The hospital staff was preparing a turkey dinner for the new mothers, and I was very aware of the tantalizing smells while I was in labor.  I wanted to eat that dinner, but could not. How am I going to honor my daughter’s life? First, I am going to focus on thankfulness for having her in my life.  She became a composite engineer, had five additional engineering certificates, earned her MBA, and was supervising thee production lines for a Minnesota manufacturing company when she died.  […]

Death of a Spouse

Husband’s Death Surprises Wife with its Power

I expected to have this “grieving thing” wrapped up within a year. The way I saw it, I was 47 and probably had less years ahead of me than behind. I was willing to grieve (like I had a choice…), but I was counting on a sort of a statute of limitations, a timeline of grief that had a very distinct end point, after which I would feel free and wonderful and excited about my future. I knew women who were still grieving two, three, and four years after their husband died. To be honest, I saw them as rather […]

Special Topics, Your Grief

Don’t Stop Others From Crying

I often use visualisation when working with my clients. I talk with them about the feelings that they are holding in, feel unable to share, or in some cases feel pressure either spoken or unspoken to appear to be doing well. It’s a bit like sitting on a box. The box is over filled with feelings and if the lid isn’t allowed to open frequently and the feelings let out, they build and build until they burst out, uncontrollably, and often at a time that is inappropriate. Many bereft tell me they feel afraid of crying, of letting go, because […]

Death of a Child, Special Topics, Your Grief

Child’s Insight Offers Meaning — and a Laugh — on Thanksgiving

The smell of turkey and stuffing was in the air, there was noise from kid’s playing and dishes being prepared in the kitchen.  It was our first Thanksgiving since my son Lucas’s death in July.  The previous Thanksgiving, we had all been together, and had even taken a special family picture to put on our Christmas cards.  Lucas’s absence made the day dreary despite the holiday atmosphere. Dinner was on the table, and it was time for a prayer.  I felt I couldn’t express thanks this particular day, as my heart was so heavy.  As I looked at the other […]

Death of a Child, Special Topics, Your Grief

Thanksgiving is for the Bereaved

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

I have a hard time believing it is the season of holidays again. While this year should be easier since it will be our fifth Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s without our son Daniel, I still feel myself putting on an extra shield of courage. In the cool afternoon air, I am reminded of my first Thanksgiving since Daniel’s death. On that day, I wrote a poem; it wasn’t very good, but it did express what I had learned from reflecting on the origins of this national American holiday. For the first time, I thought that the initial Thanksgiving among […]