Death of a Child

The Day I Contemplated Suicide

Friday, September 17, 2010

Many bereaved parents think of ending their life after their beloved child dies. The pain cuts so deep, and the longing to be with the child so intense. I am going to share a story with you of what happened to me when I decided to end my life. I know without a doubt it was my daughter breaking through the realm of her dimension to save her mom. It was my daughter’s gift to me. It was four months after Keren died. I was so low, so empty, so depressed, I knew I couldn’t live on this earth without […]

Death of a Parent

One October Day

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Remember on that October day? You were very determined To have it your way. Even though you cared You didn’t want me there. Daddy, I needed to be near. Remember on that October day? I wanted to have it my way. Determined to stay. You knew that I was scared More than my heart could bare. But, Daddy – I cared. If I could have changed that day I would have had it my way Daddy, you would have stayed. Deborah Ann Tornillo Copyright© 2010 http://www.deborahtornillo.com

Children & Teens, Death of a Grandparent, Special Topics

Explaining Grandmother’s Death to a Toddler

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Question from a Reader: Basically, everything I’ve ever read recommends that a toddler not be shielded from the truth, and I believe that. However, there is a set of special circumstances here.  My daughter saw her grandmother every day since she was born, as my mother cared for her while I was at work.  The care-giving stopped abruptly last year.  That has been very hard to deal with, but my older children were victims of a terrible crime by her husband, and for my younger child’s safety, I had to stop my baby from seeing her grandmother because my mother […]

Death of a Child, Special Topics

Mother ‘Connects Up’ with Deceased Son in Spirit Realm

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I lost my son Danny to an overdose of alcohol and prescription drugs on July 1, 2008. He was 22 years old. I don’t have to tell any of you how devastating it is to bury or cremate a beloved child. No parent should ever have to live through it and yet we know that the number of us in this situation grows every day. To every other parent who is going through this, I offer my deepest condolences for your loss. I know that there are no words that I can say that can lessen your pain. I do […]

Death of a Child

Googling Your Child’s Name

Monday, September 13, 2010

A few days ago, I started rummaging through the Internet and decided to put in my deceased daughter’s full name when unmarried and see what came up. I was astonished to find two Google pages of information on her and links to me, my book, Open to Hope and the fund established in her name. She died 16 years ago, and I now have proof that she still lives on for others to read about. The most interesting note I saw dealt with her high school alma mater. Back in 2004, ten years after her death, two of her friends […]

Death of a Spouse, Special Topics

Husband’s Art During Illness Reflects Days of Hope

Thursday, September 9, 2010

In the early days of painting in the basement of our Vancouver rental, my husband’s canvases were filled with darker colors and hues. The small lower left corner often harbored the hope.This is where you could find the brighter tones, pushing up the dark curtain that bore down heavily. We were less than a third of the way through Gary’s battle with Hodgkins Disease. Some people resist this war terminology and I understand why, but the way Gary came at his illness with everything he had is the most accurate depiction of our story. He fought every step of the […]

Death of a Spouse

Widow: ‘I Miss My Reflection in His Eyes’

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Today I was driving, and the thought of someone I used to work with came to my mind.  I couldn’t think of his name. Who was that kid with glasses? Was it Dex? Or Dax? Then, I thought: My husband Dave would know. Yes, Dave would know.  We worked together and have so many shared memories and experiences.  That’s what folks do when they fall in love and decide to spend their lives together. They share almost everything with each other.  That’s what we did. Fifteen years together…same friends, same shared favorite places, music, etc., etc., etc. So, I drove, […]

Death of a Spouse

Widow Finds Way to Feel at ‘Home’

Monday, September 6, 2010

We all go through different stages in our lives. And all of those stages affect us differently. And how we deal with those stages shape the people we become. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about when my husband and I were first married, when I was at the ripe old age of 20. Actually, I got married 3 weeks after I turned 20 because I refused to get married as a teenager. So, at the beginning of my marriage, we had no money. Like I-felt-guilty-about-buying-a-pair-of-socks… no money. My husband had a good, steady job, but I was still in […]

Special Topics, Your Grief

Create Space in Your Life to Find Hope

Sunday, September 5, 2010

I think an essential part of the grieving process is what I’ve heard called “liminal space,” or a time between things. If you’ve had significant loss in your life, you know that there is a time period when you are beyond the intense period of crying, but the missing still aches inside you. It’s as if your head says to your body, “Okay, this person is gone. He/she is not coming back. You have honored them, grieved for them, allowed them the freedom to ‘go,’…now it’s time for you to move on.” So, your head and logic know that it […]

Special Topics

400 Years Later, Shakespeare’s Grief Resonates

Saturday, September 4, 2010

William Shakespeare was acquainted with great grief. Learning this has deepened my admiration for the playwright and what he has penned about grief. The Bard, as Shakespeare is often referred to, was one of eight children. The family experienced multiple losses. First born to parents Mary and John Shakespeare was Joan, who lived two months after birth. Margaret, the second child, died at one year of age. William was third-born and was the oldest surviving child. Next was Gilbert and then another daughter, also named Joan, survived. The next child was Anne, who died aged 7 when William would have […]