Special Topics, Your Grief

Grief Process: Asking the Profound Questions

One way to successfully travel the road of grief towards renewal is to afford yourself an appropriate amount of time for introspective thought. Richard Bach suggests asking yourself questions. He says, “The simplest questions are the most profound. Where were you born? Where is your home? Where are you going? What are you doing? Think about these once in a while and watch your answers change.” Let’s look at each of these questions from two perspectives as I illustrate how you can answer them simply or delve for a deeper meaning. Where Were You Born? Taken at face value, this […]

Special Topics, Your Grief

Stitched Together By Memories: Legacy and Life Review

In preparation for our mother’s 90th birthday, my sister requested that each of Mother’s children photograph the quilts mother had, over the years, given to us, our children and grandchildren. My sister was designing a “quilt book.” Clipping and snipping, she was fashioning a chapter for each of Mother’s children. Our individual stories were being braided into the story of Mother’s life, symbolically depicting her sharing of each of our journeys as we moved through the hills and valleys of our own experiences. While Mother did not live to view the final product, the overall goal for designing the quilt […]

Death of a Parent

Not knowing Mum had died

It will be a year on April the 2nd which was good Friday that I found out my poor mother had died. She had been dead nearly 2 years but my father wanted to punish me for things past so did not tell me and got one of his sisters to telephone me and tell me. My father and mother have not spoken to me four at least 6 years, but I have found out since my mother wanted to ring me and my father would not let her. My twin brother kept this a secret from me also, so […]

Death of a Parent, Special Topics, Your Grief

The Art of Patience in the Grieving Process

Quick. Fast. Now. Go. Do. Success. Power. Instant gratification is an unfortunate American archetype. I feel myself drawn to this alluring proposition constantly even when I have, on more than one occasion, realized it’s self-defeating. I want to get where I am going now, not two hours from now, not two years from now. Right now. Even as a big proponent of living in the moment, something self-help gurus bellow regularly, I catch myself impatiently chasing after my current challenge at any given time. I want to climb the damn mountain already and move on to the next. But by […]

Open to Hope

The day you died.

It been six months (yesterday) since my brother died suddenly. A unknown man on the end of the phone, spoke to me. He told me you were dead. He bought me to my knees. His news shattered my life beyond repair. I sobbed as I tried to recall and reclaim your life back. The screams that I howled, felt like they were coming out of someone else’s body. The weight of my body collapsed on the floor, like some sacrificial emptying. I took the form of the lifeless balloon, after its air had escaped. How often I think of you […]

Open to Hope

a hole in my heart

My husband Keith spent 10 months battling cancer. Together we fought it….chemo, radiation and more radiation. He was in so much pain we had to go to hospice. They gave him so much morphine – I feel like that is what killed him. He died 2 weeks after we went to hospice house. I have so much guilt and anger. Why did I let them take him to hospice house? I thought they would just adjust his medication and send him home. He never came home. We were just about to retire together and he worked so hard all of […]

Death of a Sibling, Special Topics

Woman Finds it Hard to Trust after Sister’s Murder

“A normal reaction to a very abnormal situation.” My psychologist spoke those words to me so often in the months following my sister’s murder. Choosing to seek the help of psychologist was one of the most important decisions I made.  I discussed so many emotions and feelings with her.  Emotions and feelings I would have most likely kept bottled up inside had I not made that first appointment with her. Of all the issues I discussed with her,  trust seemed to be the most difficult.  I remember my first appointment.  She was soft spoken, gentle, she put me at ease. […]

Death of a Spouse

What Doesn’t Kill Me…Makes Me Surrender

In the years since my husband died, many times I have heard the phrase: “What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.”  I’ve been thinking about that lately and am not sure if I agree.  There are so many different endings I could add to the phrase that would fit better for me…what doesn’t kill you…only nearly kills you…or what doesn’t kill you…you wish would kill you…or what doesn’t kill you … only brings you to your knees and beats the crap out of you…all of these have fit my life since Dave’s death. There are the positive endings too…what […]

Special Topics

I Miss My Kaila

My daugher passed away 7 mos ago. A poorly performed homicide investigation was done and closed. Kaila, a beautiful, energetic, strong, caring, dedicated 1st time mom,decided to go chill with a few friends. She kissed me wednesday on her way out. We spoke several times that day. At 18 she was very responsible and since going to school, working, taking care of her son and taking care of me as I live with stage 3 cancer, she decided to have some “Kaila time”. She had wanted to come pick up her son for the night and i explained that i […]

Death of a Spouse

Widows: Is it Time for Us to Tune Out?

Is it just me…or does it seem like the world is going to heck in a hand-basket? Earthquakes, nuclear explosions, tsunamis, idiots in government.  I hear even that sweet, young man, Charlie Sheen, is having issues. Everything that is going on in the world today is enough to overwhelm anyone if they really let it sink in.  And I feel like, as widows, when we let something sink in…it sinks.  We’ve had ringside seats to the fragility of life and that little mental picture is something that will never go away. When we see disaster, we’re picturing the family members […]