Death of a Child

Finding Daughter’s Purse Restarts Grief Four Years Later

Friday, October 28, 2011

The lower level of our house gets lots of use, especially in the winter time. We watch television there and work in our home office. Fourteen years ago, we had new carpet installed and it had become worn and dirty. “Sorry, I can’t get it any cleaner,” the cleaning man said, and I believed him. It was time to install new carpet again. Before the crew arrived, we had to clear out closets and cull legal papers. In 2007, four family members died and we took in items from three estates. My husband was managing these estates and the paperwork […]

Death of a Spouse, Your Grief

Physical Effects of Grief: Insomnia, Eating Problems, and More

Thursday, October 27, 2011

When I suddenly lost my fiancé in a car accident, my body had a traumatic response to the situation. When we grieve the loss of someone we love so much and who had such a profound impact on our life, we do not get to choose how our body reacts. We can’t place an order to God and say, “God, I would like to be able to eat today without getting sick,” or “I would like to be able to sleep tonight at a normal time and without nightmares, disturbing dreams and constant waking up.” If only grief work was […]

Death of a Spouse

Transitions: How to Recapture the ‘Drive’

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Question from a Reader:  How do you bring back the “drive”? The desire to improve one’s self? The desire to learn something new, or to go with your goal? Since my husband died nearly a year ago, I’ve lost this drive and it seems hard to get it back. I still want to achieve some goals, yet I can’t seem to find the focus, the desire to go for them unlike before. My mind is willing to try again, but my body is tired. One minute I feel like I’m going to accomplish something, the next I feel too tired. […]

Death of a Child

Like Trees in Fall, We Must Let Go

Monday, October 24, 2011

I walk through the crunchy leaves that blanket the ground while others float down landing on me. I hesitate to brush them off. They are, after all, part of the beauty that is fall. That same breeze that makes the leaves dance swirls my hair around my face. I gently push it back as I continue my walk. I marvel at how quickly the trees are undressed. Just days ago they were covered. I think about how quickly our own lives change often catching us by surprise. How certain life events can make us feel naked and exposed. The dread […]

Death of a Spouse

The Truth Behind the ‘Considerate Griever’

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Throughout the last few years, I have thought a lot about how we all handle widowhood differently.  We all move at our own pace and grieve within our own comfort zone.  It’s been interesting to me the way I’ve grieved.  For the most part, I consider myself a pretty private person when it comes to just letting go.  I’ve never even really cried during group “therapy” because I was afraid of looking “stupid” (I know…that’s stupid, but there you have it).  In fact, I remember being at one ceremony with a young widows group that was really meant to be […]

Open to Hope

How I Wear my Genes

Saturday, October 22, 2011

It’s October. The weather has turned cooler and I finally had to break out the jeans and long sleeved shirt. As I suspected, the 10 pounds that I gained showed themselves as I tried to button my jeans. Not only am I sad about the end of summer, I am also confronted with my weight gain and the tight fit of my once comfy blue jeans. UGH! Having to squeeze into a pair of jeans is just not fun. I could buy a bigger pair, or I could lose the 10 pounds. My choice is to lose the weight. I just […]

Open to Hope

Are You Grieving Right? Yes!

Friday, October 21, 2011

The 27-year-old young woman had called for an appointment because her father died six months ago. Now she sat across from me, squirming slightly on the comfortable suede sofa in my office. I asked how I could help her. She fidgeted a bit more, looking down at her hands. “What I want to know is . . .” she started off slowly and then rushed into the rest of the question, “Am I grieving right?” My client’s question was a valid one considering that the prevailing concept of grief continues to be that there are “stages” one must go through in order to […]

Death of a Spouse

October Brings New Beauty, Triggers Old Grief

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

October begins again and I can feel my descent into the memories. It started about a week ago when the weather began to change a bit. The cooler breezes starting blowing, the sky is a more brilliant blue and the heat is beginning to subside. For me, all of these changes trigger my grief. It was a beautiful October Wednesday in 2004 when my journey with grief was set into motion. I had been to the ob/gyn and was told that we could induce the birth of second son that Friday. My husband had a nice lunch planned with friends […]

Open to Hope

Yearning for Certainty in an Uncertain World

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

A woman was walking down the hallway past my counseling office after she had seen Linda, the massage therapist.  My office door was open so I heard the lady remark, “Everything happens for a reason, my friend.”  The certainty built into her response was comforting to me.  However, I began wondering if her statement was really accurate.  Sometimes traumatic things happen because of our own laziness and stupidity.  Case in point is Plaxico Burress, wide-receiver for the New York Giants, who carried an illegally purchased loaded weapon in his pocket into a New York City night club.  The gun fell […]

Your Grief

Online Grief Site is Safe Space for the Bereaved

Monday, October 17, 2011

How can a person begin to survive the emotional roller-coaster ride one experiences after the death of a loved one?  A father who outlives his child; a wife who tries to make sense of her husband’s suicide; a daughter who watches her mother suffer as cancer robs her of her dignity; a teenager in shock after a dear friend is the victim of a senseless shooting. These are just some of the stories that have been submitted to ShareGrief.com, a website offering on-line grief support, insights, and resources to people from all over the world who have had the misfortune […]