Death of a Spouse

Writing It Forward After Husband’s Early Death

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Thirteen years ago, I read a letter to an editor urging young widows to go for annual physicals. The timing of the piece reminded me of when I first read about the Heimlich Maneuver in 1974, just days after my grandfather choked to death on a bite of meat. My uncle had rushed to Grandpa’s aid, pounding on his back to dislodge the piece of meat – all to no avail. If he had known enough to wrap his arms just above Grandpa’s waist, and pull into his gut, the morsel would have popped out and my grandfather would have […]

Death of a Child

Grief and the Strengths Perspective

Friday, March 30, 2012

As I draw nearer to retirement from state service, the memories about the colleagues whose association I have valued and the patients who have crossed my path during the past 27 years have increased in frequency. I have also begun to reflect on the damage that well-meaning human service professionals can do to clients who are in the early stages of trauma simply through the interventions that they use. Since my daughter Jeannine’s death on 3/1/03 at the age of 18, I have become more sensitive to the interventions used with grieving clients that may unintentionally undermine as oppose to […]

Open to Hope

Springtime in the Heart Can Happen After Pregnancy Loss

Thursday, March 29, 2012

It’s been unseasonably warm in the Rocky Mountains lately. We have an early and warm spring and I am not complaining one bit! I live for the sun’s warmth on my pale skin and the joy I feel when flowers begin popping out of the ground. I feel reborn, which of course is what spring is all about. In the last two weeks, two mothers have lost their babies at 16 weeks of pregnancy. I have been there as their counselor to help them birth their baby (after a certain stage of pregnancy, mothers must birth the baby), and to […]

Open to Hope

Where is My Child and Is He Okay?

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

From the moment you become a parent, there are two questions that become first and foremost in your mind: Where is my child and is he or she okay? Even when you are dealing with an infant that seldom leaves your side, you still get those moments. I can remember watching my babies when they were in deep sleeps to make sure that they were still breathing. Whenever I left them with a babysitter or at nursery school, throughout the time that I was separated from them, I would wonder where they were and if they were okay. I simply […]

Other Losses, Pet Loss

Pet Cremation Mistake: Breaking the Bad News

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Question from a reader: I wonder if you could give me some advice. Recently our pet cat died and we decided to have her cremated so the ashes could be scattered in our garden. I have just learned from our vet who sent the cat to the crematorium that accidently our cat was not labeled and was mass-cremated. It now leaves me with a dilemma as I know my partner will be distraught about this. Should I get another set of ashes (which my vet says they can supply) or should I tell her the truth? I honestly don’t know […]

Death of a Child

Poem: Hands

Monday, March 26, 2012

I wrote this poem for Alice Wisler’s online writing workshop, “Writing the Heartache”. We were to take something that was our child’s and write a poem about it. I chose a hand print of my precious daughter, Nina’. She was two years old. Nina died at the hands of a drunk driver when she was 15 1/2 years old. Hands Little handprints in a frame, Flashback of memories days long gone, yet still so fresh in my mind as if only yesterday. Tiny hand of my baby girl, Fingers curled around my own, Only a reflex to some, But not in […]

Death of a Spouse, Your Grief

After Loss of Husband, Woman Made the Best of a Bad Situation

Sunday, March 25, 2012

“Kerie, get your butt out of the air.” “Kerie, enjoy what you’re doing at the time you are doing it.” These are the two sentences I heard most growing up. The first because I loved gymnastics and drove my father mad doing cartwheels and back-handsprings any time I found enough room on the ground. The second, because I would inevitably pout and roll my eyes after being forced to make the most out of the moment – regardless of being told I couldn’t do what I wanted to do. True story: My grandmother still tells of how she knew I […]

Open to Hope

The Missing Koi

Thursday, March 22, 2012

I was deeply touched and comforted when following my mother’s death, a connected series of encounters with fish in general and koi in particular occurred. The art direction and style of rendering or materials varied a lot. Sometimes it was watercolor, sometimes sculpture, sometimes koi appreared as decoration on a restaurant menu or a door pull. More recently, they were a pair of koi plates loaded with cookies. The book Moby Dick found its way into my reading list, and a show at one of my favorite museums was dedicated to Melville’s book. I met a member of a women’s […]

Your Grief

When Illness Takes Away Your Pleasures

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

How we view ourselves—our identity—is based on what we do, the roles we play, activities we enjoy, affiliations we have, the values that structure our lives, our abilities, and relationships. When a meaningful part of a loved one’s life is lost, their self-perception and place in the world may change.  Losing something that gave meaning to life is often a bi-product of chronic and terminal illnesses. It can be the daily jog for someone who has run for forty years, the loss of hearing for someone who played the cello her entire life, or the gradual memory loss of a […]

Open to Hope

Allowing Others to Support You After a Death

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Rebuilding a life isn’’t easy especially when we may not want to, feel like it, or know where to start. When just getting out of bed makes us so tired we want to go crawl right back in. When we can hardly remember the way to the grocery store or our best friends phone number, when we don’’t feel like cooking or eating or want to eat everything in our sight. When the phone never rings when we need it to and rings all the time when we don’’t. When we feel like we have been forgotten and our friends […]