Death of a Child, Your Grief

Missing a Son During his Birthday Season

Sunday, September 30, 2012

As I planted my veggie seeds last spring, I sensed a joy to bring in new life. As I now tear down my garden, I am relieved the work is almost done. I sense a sadness. Why? you may ask. So close to the birthday of my deceased son, Joshua. It’s a very hard season indeed. I am still here. I walk this earth. I work and work to fill my mind and heart with the good that God has allowed me to have. I share my life with others in hopes it may help in some small way, and I’m […]

Death of a Spouse, Your Grief

Three Years into Widowhood, Embracing a Birthday

“Hope your birthday is a good chance to see how far you have come, and look ahead to what the next year might be too!” ~Robin In September, I turned 28 years old. My birthday weekend was unlike the previous two. In 2010, my birthday was six months and a week after losing Greg. I really don’t remember that birthday much. I remember having dinner with my mom and a few people who were my friends at the time. I remember being overwhelmed trying to manage everything and be the “hostess” and try to “have it all together,” trying to make […]

Your Grief

Dealing with Traumatic Anniversaries

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Do you remember where you were when you heard the news that America was attacked by terrorists? Earlier generations knew where they were when FDR gave his D-Day speech and President Kennedy was assassinated. Millions of people were intimately affected as their safe world was shattered on September 11th. I was teaching a Masters course titled, “Crisis Intervention” in New York City university. How could I possibly teach students about crisis when they were personally living through one? As I reflect on that time, my heart still aches for those who perished and for their families and friends, who still […]

Death of a Sibling

Twin-Loss: Healing Memory of Early Twinship

Mother announces, “School’s out. It’s time you two had your own gardens. No more family victory garden like we had in Washington. You are old enough to grow your own vegetables. We can eat them at home or maybe if they are really nice, you can try to sell them to your Grandmother and Grandfather.” She stops for a moment and then says, “You should have seen the vegetables we grew when I was little, and the eggs from our chickens we would try to sell to Granny and Granpop Clark.” Our eyes widen at the thought of making some […]

Death of a Child, Death of a Parent, Your Grief

Finding Your ‘Essential Self’ after a Loss or Life-Changing Event

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Yesterday, I finished reading “Finding Your Own North Star” by therapist Martha Beck, PhD. I bought the book because it looked empowering and this proved to be true. In fact, the entire book is about personal empowerment and building a new life after a “cataclysmic event.” During this time we are stressed and have to let go. If you identified yourself with your job and lose it, Beck explains, your identity shifts. According to Beck, each person’s essential self is determined before birth. As she writes, “You are designed with the ability to find the life you were meant to […]

Death of a Sibling, Your Grief

September 25: Day of Remembrance for Murder Victims

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

September 25th is the national day of remembrance for all murdered victims. This year will mark the fifth year of a national day of remembrance to those victims our nation lost to murder. Communities across the nation will hold services throughout the day to remember loved ones who were murdered. Some will be candlelight vigils, some will have guest speakers and others will have moments of silence. For the families and friends of murdered victims, this day sends a powerful message. Our country cares and will remember those lives cut short. A national day of remembrance also reminds the nation […]

Death of a Spouse, Your Grief

What it Feels Like to Come Alive Again

Monday, September 24, 2012

September marks two and a half years since we lost Greg. Two and a half years seems like such a long time and yet feels like such a short amount of time as well. I have felt and noticed a change within myself over the last 6 months. Reflecting upon the first two years of this journey of grief, I felt as though I was “asleep,” in shock, trying to process everything that has happened and just trying to survive not only the loss of my fiancé, but all the secondary losses that stem from losing Greg as well. Then […]

Death of a Sibling, Your Grief

Healing from Twin-Loss Requires New Connections

Saturday, September 22, 2012

So many people are shattered by deep personal grief, by the unique and often unacknowledged experiences of their loss, and by the misunderstood depth and length of their bereavements. The death of my twin brother, Michael, and the different ways I experienced the absence of him in my life, created a deep sense of inner loneliness and outer separation. My healing journey began with what felt like the end of my life.   Out of profound disconnection, I started the slow process of putting the pieces of myself back together within the discovery of new connections, and of making a […]

Pet Loss, Your Grief

A Forever Decision: Part 3

Thursday, September 20, 2012

On Day 9 after the loss of my beloved Camilla due to a brain tumor, I think it’s important to start the day with love. Whether it’s petting my remaining dog Isabella, or sending love letters to my boyfriend, I feel better when I start the day with something that will last. Because any love given and received is eternal and makes bonds that even death can’t break. And in the future, I’ll feel better knowing that I really showed my love to my loved ones. At least that’s something I can hang on to when the times comes that […]

Pet Loss

A Forever Decision: Part Two

My relief is giving way to anxiety and the inability to concentrate. On the sixth day after I put my beloved Camilla to sleep after a long illness, I wake up refreshed, but that feeling soon gives way to dread. Thoughts of Cami keep intruding. Why wasn’t I able to save her? What did I do wrong? Could I have done something different? I still have Isabella, my German Shepherd/Lab, but that doesn’t comfort me. I want Camilla. I want to pet her and feel her fur beneath my fingers. I want to tell her how much I love her. […]