Open to Hope

The Stigma of Suicide and How It Affects Survivors’ Healing

Thursday, January 31, 2013

In this short paper, I condense an article that first appeared in the International Association of Suicide Prevention Postvention Taskforce Newsletter (Vol. 3. No. 5, Oct. 2008). Today analysts claim suicide stigma is subtle with blame being cast upon survivors and survivors being subjected to informal isolation and shunning. It is often noted that stigmatization promotes more grief difficulties and mental health problems for survivors. But, we were surprised to find no one has verified whether these assertions are supported with systematic evidence. To investigate this, my co-investigators and I collected surveys from a sample of parents losing children to […]

Death of a Child, Special Topics

Leaving My Former Self Behind: 10 Years After My Daughter’s Death

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

  The Power in Pain March 1,2013 will mark the 10th angelversary of my 18-year-old daughter Jeannine’s death. At times, I wonder how I made it ten minutes, much less ten years. During my early grief, I never thought I would experience joy again, nor did I ever believe that my life would have meaning again, without my daughter’s physical presence. However, my perspective on Jeannine’s death has changed because I made a conscious effort to do so and because of the support and spiritual guidance that I have received along the way. It has been an empowering feeling to […]

Death of a Parent

After Suicide, Transforming Grief into Peace

I was consumed by guilt for a long time over my father’s suicide, in 1978, mainly because I thought I was helping him. I did not understand the nature of his illness, so some of the things I did were actually harmful to him (for example, trying to talk him out of his delusions). Most importantly, I failed to recognize that he was in a life-or-death situation, and to this day, it still seems to me that my failure to help him contributed to his death. But through compassionate retelling of the story of his death, I found freedom from […]

Death of a Spouse

The Porch: Goodbye to my Husband

Monday, January 28, 2013

How many lonely nights will I sit on this porch watching the river as the moonlight casts its eerie shadows? I wonder how far the river flows. Could I possibly toss my cares into the dark waters and have them swiftly carried downstream? No, that would be too easy, and I know this journey is to be the most difficult of my life. 2 a.m. – 3 a.m. – 4 a.m. I am still here – alone and afraid. Fear grips my heart and squeezes hard and long. I rub my chest to ease the pain. Because I have deserted […]

Open to Hope

Grieving in the New Year

Sunday, January 27, 2013

he New Year is a perfect time to plan for self-care and work on personal grief. I readily admit that making a commitment to deal with grief is a big commitment, which will take a lot of hard work. But it can be done. I offer the following six tips on how to get on track with your grief this year. 1. Put a support system in place. Grief is not the kind of work that should be done alone. You are not alone and there are many people willing to help. The support can consist of family members, close […]

Death of a Sibling

Losing My Sister: A Boston Vigil

Below is an excerpt from With and Without Her: A Memoir of Being and Losing a Twin.  The piece begins the day my sister, a psychologist, was fatally shot by one of her patients.  My husband, Dan, and I have traveled from Knoxville, Tennessee, to the Lowell, Massachusetts, hospital where my sister lies dying. It is past twelve, a starless night when we reach St. Joseph’s Hospital. A black cross rises from the roof cornice, and from inside, the dimmed lights of night duty add a blue cast to the windows. We are bending the rules, violating the regular rounds […]

Open to Hope

Good Grief or Good Re-Grief?

Monday, January 21, 2013

I had not readied myself for the upwelling of feelings. I had commanded the appointments, followed through with scheduling and now was returning for a follow-up medical procedure to the initial follow-up medical procedure. I have attended to many of these similar procedures when my late husband’s diagnosis lingered and continued until his analogous stem cell replacement failed. I had complained about the wait in the waiting rooms, mumbled under my breath about “cool” receptionists and old magazines and people waiting for your name to be called like a number in line at the deli. This time I was alone […]

Open to Hope

Helpful Do’s and Don’ts for the Bereaved

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Do call a friend when you are blue. Do water the flowers and take time to smell them; work in the garden, pull out weeds. Do something positive for yourself every day. Do get enough sleep. Do exercise daily. Do remember to take time to eat. Do think positive thoughts every day. Do spend time with family and friends. Do get as much support as you can. Do open the mail. Do treasure your loved ones. Do resist the temptation to run away from your pain by keeping yourself frantically busy every waking moment. Do journal in a notebook about […]

Death of a Child

Does a Child’s Death Adversely Affect Marital Stability?

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Bereavement is a topic rife with stereotypical thinking among the general public. One often hears the view expressed that a child’s death may have damaging effects upon a couple’s marriage. Actually, the limited research on this topic does show evidence of increased conflict and marital discord among couples experiencing a still birth or a neo-natal child loss. However, little research has been conducted regarding marital stability after an older children dies, or when the deceased child perishes from self-induced causes, like suicide or a drug overdose. In our Devastating Losses study, my coauthors and I sought to explore this question […]

Death of a Spouse

The Other Woman

One day just before Thanksgiving my husband informed me that he was in love with another woman, just what I wanted to hear when my days and nights for more than 18 months had been in devoted service to him. And then, with a little smile on his parched lips, he identified the “other woman”. Her name was Reva, an older, southern lady of great compassion. She was an aide for Hospice and visited every other day at first, then every day as the situation worsened. At first my husband rejected Reva’s offer to bathe him and wash his hair. […]