By Michele Neff Hernandez –
My husband used to call Valentine’s Day “So What Day.’” Romantic, huh? He thought that greeting cards were a waste of trees, that buying flowers because someone told you to defeated the purpose, and that going to dinner on the big day just to eat from a limited menu and have servers anxiously awaiting your departure from the table was ridiculous.
I will admit that we fought about this on a few occasions. Who wants to be the only girl in the office who didn’t get flowers? Eventually, we settled into our own brand of celebrating our love, both on the big day, and on the other 364 days of the year.
I expected to breeze through the first Valentine’s Day without him, because he hated this holiday. But as the day approached, I found myself missing my heart day scrooge. There was no one around to balk at the increase in flower prices. There was no need to peruse the recycled card collection looking for just the right sentiment for my grumpy Valentine, and I cried when I realized there would be no one to take me to dinner at 4:30PM to avoid the crowds. Very quickly, I found myself repeating in my head all the reasons to boycott the Hallmark holiday.
But when the day arrived, I was unable to ignore the National Day of Love. Instead of pushing the memories of our on-going struggle to find a happy middle ground for our own celebration out of my mind, I called them each front and center. And I laughed out loud.
Recalling the times he showed up in the kitchen with a flower from our garden in hand, the dinners we ‘accidentally’ went to on the 14th of February, my efforts to get him to write me just one letter telling me how much he loved me (I was successful), and finally, the fact that he proposed to me on Valentine’s Day.
I felt loved. And I guess that is the point of the day after all. Even though Phil never contributed to the romance testaments proudly placed on desks across America, I never doubted that he loved me. That night I drifted off to sleep murmuring, “Happy So What Day, honey.”
Michele Neff Hernandez is the founder, and executive director of the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation. SSLF is a non-profit organization committed to providing resources and support to people grieving the loss of a loved one. In addition to her work with the foundation, Michele inspires people as a motivational speaker and freelance writer. She is the creator of the Web site www.widowsbond.com and the Widow Match program.
Comment
Reading about your husband reminds me of me about being a flowers scrooge on Valentine’s. I was too practical. Now I wish I had given my sweetie all the flowers in the world. Now I bring flowers for her in the cemetery. Ditto regarding not joining the crowd for dinner during Valentine’s. To love sometimes is to be impractical. Reminded me too that I also proposed to her on Valentine’s. How predictable.
My husband Ron would get up for work at 3:30 am and on our last Valentines day I awoke to the lovely note he had left for me that morning…”the litter box needs cleaning”. I can’t say that I have many of the Valentine cards he had bought me throughout the years but I still have that hand written note and it makes me smile through my tears when I read it. This will be my first without him.