I pick Acceptance. It makes me cringe if I am in a conversation with someone who is grieving or missing a loved one in any way shape or form and I hear the words, it’s time to let go or you need to let go. I am sure their intentions come from a loving place. There is a time to let go of some things in our lives and grief is not one of them. It is good to let go of people who treat your poorly, it is good to let go of bad habits and it is good to let go of something that you will physically get hurt from, but letting go of a loved one after they die is something you will never do.
Recently, when I was in my yoga class we were doing our beginning meditation and I found myself really missing my mom. I was feeling kind of sad. The teacher said, pick a word to focus on during your practice. The word “acceptance” bubbled up into my consciousness. I love this word! Could I just accept the fact that I was sad today? There was nothing I needed to do about it. Just accept it. What a relief, I gave myself permission to accept my sadness miss my mom. By the end of class the sadness was lighter, and I thought to myself remember that it is ok to accept all of this grief no matter how or when it shows up.
Acceptance is primarily the last stage of the 5 stages of grief but it is so much more than that. For example, let’s say your having a day where you can barely get out of bed, your life feels at this stage of your grief as if there is this big hole in it. Nothing will fill that hole. It’s just there and you exist with it there all the time. The brain is constantly running thoughts like will my life never be the same? Will I ever smile again? Will I ever want to leave this bed? Will I always have this massive lump in my throat, chest or abdomen? I am sure there are more you can think of here. Enter the word acceptance. When those thoughts come in, as in my last article, You did the best you could, I talked about the breath, slowing it down, placing your hand on your heart. Now, can you accept the fact that your life will never be the same? Can you accept that today you may not get out of bed? Can you accept that these physiological feelings maybe hanging around for a while?
Think of acceptance as love. Think of acceptance as a loving friend, family member or angel with one hand on your shoulder just giving you a squeeze and accepting it all with you. Accepting the fact that this is the way it is right now, this minute, this hour. Close your eyes for a minute and think of something that is really tugging on your heartstrings, maybe even place your hand where you’re feeling it. Then say to yourself, I accept that anger, loneliness or sadness is here. In doing this you make space, you accept that emotion and not try to change it or push it a way. Trying to push away a deep emotion is like rowing up the rapids instead of going with the current! Would be exhausting don’t you think? Yes, its bumpy and even scary at times acceptance helps to create movement on this journey of grief. Remember, Grief needs to be felt. By accepting that it does, you create more healing and more love for yourself.
I honor you on this courageous journey your on. Love and accept what is here to be healed, grieving means you cared deeply for another, accept that.
My Dad died on 20/09/2015 on his 88th Birthday, and 19 weeks later my Mum died 26/01/2016,
aged 86 years, I cared for Mum after Dad’s passing, and did not get time to grieve for him, then Mum’s passing was very sudden, and I now find myself struggling to come to terms, I organised my parent’s 2 funerals in that short space of time. I am an emotional wreck at the moment, the whole experience has just become a reality, and I am so sad, and lost. I have a wonderful husband and daughter, who are so supportive, Unfortunately they are not saying the right things.
Helpless, and hopeless and lost.
Elizabeth