After Son’s Death, Rising Above

Does the weight of death keep us from connecting with the vibration of our child’s soul?

Immediately following the death of a loved one, our physical bodies take over. We are inert, laying in a fetal position on our beds. We are in shock, emitting wounded cries. It feels as if the “weight of the world” is on us and we don’t care to challenge that feeling. We have lost ourselves and given over to the dark, heavy blanket of hopelessness.

As days and months pass, we ruminate about the events that led us to our abrupt transformation. That change touched our core. Slowly, if we open to our higher selves, we see that we were given tools to discover our authentic selves. Remember that the greatest assistants to our spiritual transformation are our children who are very excited to help and connect. How do we connect with our loved ones who have passed?

Unbeknownst to us, the first tool we encountered was the actual loss. That loss acted as an electric shock to our souls. We were shaken to the very core of our being. The essence of who we were was altered. Life plans disappeared.

That deep laceration opened our hearts not for the purpose of emptying our souls but to let the vibration of grace surge into us. We have to shift our spiritual thinking to a higher level to address the whys of loss and the ways to reach our children.

Overnight, we seemed to have gone from an active parent to a non-active parent; but by taking a closer look we see that it’s not true, we have been changed and enhanced. We need to reactivate our relationships by connecting on a higher level. We cannot think with our human minds about this dilemma.

Negative thinking is like pouring cement on our souls. We must think with our spiritual selves. That is what leads us to that higher vibration. The curtain is drawn back with death. We can sit and obsess over the whys of the loss or realize that a full life has no years attached to it.

When my son died, I was taking a walk as I often did in those early days and the thought came to me that, it wasn’t about me wanting to keep my son here, it was about honoring his choice to know when he had to leave. It was a difficult thought but by showing up every day and meditating on his journey with us here, I realized he accomplished much in his short 10 years. I now understand that his spirit had a plan, which was not solely only about him but about all of us who knew him.

Sometimes we put self-imposed boundaries on ourselves. We block our connection to spirit by constantly dwelling on the earthly details of their deaths. No death is harder than the next or even matters in spirit. It was just the chosen vehicle at hand used to return to their true spiritual selves, the highest of vibrations.

And, just as it was your child’s choice to select you as their mother it was their decision when to leave. Honor that choice by living a purposeful life by reaching out to others who have just started this journey or other difficult ones. By moving out of self through others we will begin to soar along side our children.

Vicky Bates 2012

Vicky Bates

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After 18 years of marriage and career, we decided to adopt two babies. My oldest had many health issues which after 10 years led to a fatal anaphylactic shock. I believe that my spiritual beliefs helped me understand that the tragedies we face challenge us to confront our pain and slowly work through it. That is what I did through helping with hospice and watching the process of transition for the dying and seeing that even in the hardest times the gentle kindness of humor is a necessary tool.

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