We’re right in the middle of baseball season. One of our family’s favorite pastimes was to attend the Giants games at the old Candlestick Park in San Francisco, where we’d shiver in the bleachers as we cheered on our team. I still picture Steve with his Giants’ cap, Giants’ sweatshirt, and baseball mitt in hand [...]
Found 20 results
Will I Ever Find Me Again? — New Roles After the Death of a Spouse
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May 30, 2009
5 Responses
In response to “From a Plea for Help,” Julie Z. wrote: My husband died about 1.5 years ago, I continue to cry daily. He was everything to me. I am so tired of being so alone. I miss him so very much. Why did someone so wonderful need to go? I pray so very much, [...]
An Egg Today? Or a Hen Tomorrow? Our Choices in Grief
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May 7, 2009
1 Response
I’m a big believer in fortune cookies. In fact, I’ve long thought that if read very loudly — so that everyone else in the restaurant can hear — the fortunes will come true! I don’t know if there is any way to scientifically prove my theory, but I do like to test it [...]
Without a Mooring — For Bereaved, the Waves Keep Crashing
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April 24, 2009
1 Response
By Beverly Chantalle McManus – Those of us who have survived the death of a spouse receive ongoing reminders that life will never be the same. Just as we feel we’re finally able to be buoyant again, as we’re coming to grips with this most devastating loss and the profound changes that overtake every aspect [...]
Nature’s Remedy – Allowing the Universe to Embrace Us in Our Pain and Need
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April 21, 2009
2 Responses
Responding to How Do I Cope After the Death of My Husband?, Annalise wrote: “When does the pain ease off?? Two months today and getting worse.” Beverly Chantalle McManus, Grief Companion, responds: Annalise, first of all, please accept my deepest compassion for your loss. The death of a spouse is one of the hardest things [...]
Writing Thank You Notes After a Funeral
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March 19, 2009
2 Responses
By Beverly Chantalle McManus Over the past six years since Steve’s death, in grief workshops and counseling sessions, I’ve talked with hundreds of people whose loved ones have died. One of the most common hurdles in the grief and loss process is writing thank you notes acknowledging the thoughtful care, the flowers, the cards, the [...]
Everything Seems So Unreal — Coping with Unexpected Death
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March 9, 2009
5 Responses
Responding to Ten Things Every New Widow Should Know to Survive, Jean writes: I just lost my husband on 2/23/09. He passed away at the airport before taking the trip to the East Coast for the new job training. That was his first day of the new job since he was laid off last Christmas. [...]
“Widow’s Weeds” — Symbols of Mourning and the Profound Effect of Colors on Our Emotions
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February 18, 2009
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In the not-so-distant past, when an individual within a family died, there was a prescribed period of mourning, during which expectations of the bereaved family were lightened. In fact, if the mourners did engage in excessive activities, including entertaining guests or attending social events, it was perceived as being disrespectful to the deceased. [...]
Journaling My Grief Experience
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February 15, 2009
5 Responses
By Beverly Chantalle McManus My birthday took place a week after Steve died. Although I did not feel like celebrating, my family members thoughtfully brought some gifts over, one of which was a journal. At the time, I gave it little thought. I was so consumed with grief, shock and pain, and the idea of [...]
Ideas for Widows or Widowers with Teenagers who are Grieving the Loss of their Parent
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December 4, 2008
5 Responses
This week’s column was written by my 24-year-old daughter Emily. I had asked her for suggestions for widows or widowers with teenagers who are grieving the loss of their parent, at the same time the surviving parent is grieving the loss of spouse. My father died nearly six years ago of esophageal cancer, when [...]
Life Will Never Be the Same — But You Can Get Through This
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November 19, 2008
1 Response
In response to “How Do I Cope After the Death of My Husband?” Arlene writes: I lost my husband a week ago today, I buried him yesterday. One minute I am numb the next I am crying my eyes out. I love and miss my best friend….I just don’t know what to do….I can’t [...]
Let’s All Take Advantage of the Widow! Dealing with Manipulative Family and Friends
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October 28, 2008
1 Response
Martha from Utah writes: Your blog comments would have been of immense help the first couple of years after my husband’s death. We had been married for 45 years. I can relate to all they say. At this point in my adjustment (not recovery), reading what new widows have to say brings back [...]
I Just Want this Pain to End — Now! Carving Out the Time and Energy to Grieve
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October 10, 2008
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In response to Widows – Honor The Pain, No Need To “Suck It Up”, Suzy Aguilar writes, “My husband passed away on May 30, 2008 — yes 5 months ago. I still feel numb and a big empty hole in my heart. He was also my high school sweetheart. I am 41, and he [...]
(Not So) Happy Birthday! Dealing with Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Traumatic Dates
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October 2, 2008
1 Response
Whether it is the birthday of your spouse who has died, your wedding anniversary, or even the anniversary of the death, traumatic dates bring back so many memories, and also bring up so many feelings of loss and sadness. But, they can also give us a chance to mark our progress of healing. These [...]
He Loved those Slippers — Dealing with the Belongings of Your Departed Spouse
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September 22, 2008
1 Response
The closet full of his shirts, ties, jackets and slacks. His well worn slippers next to his side of the bed. His wallet and eyeglasses. His razor and toothbrush. The tool chest in the garage. His tennis racket. His harmonica collection and guitars. His treasured complete set of [...]
When Things Go to Hell in a Handbasket — Coping with the Financial Aspects of Spouse Loss
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September 17, 2008
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For most of our 20 years of marriage, Steve very capably handled all the finances and paperwork for our household. He brought his skills as an accountant and legal librarian to managing all of our accounts, organizing all of our paperwork and files, handling all the taxes and associated documentation, and making sure all [...]
Doesn’t God Listen? — Coming To Grips With The Spiritual Aspects Of Spouse Loss
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September 9, 2008
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My prayers started the moment Steve was diagnosed with esophageal cancer: “Please God, please, send a miracle. Let him be in the 15% of those who statistically beat this cancer. God, I beg you to restore Steve to health, please heal him completely, as you have so many times in the past.” [...]
The Pain Was So Intense — Dealing with the Emotions of Spouse Loss
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September 3, 2008
2 Responses
My entry into widowhood began in 2002 when our family was enjoying a long-awaited summer vacation in Hawaii and my husband Steve noticed he was having trouble swallowing. It wasn’t just that it was hard to swallow, but it actually hurt. He promised to get it checked out when we returned home. But neither of [...]
His Death Shattered Me — How Spouse Loss Affects Us Physically
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August 29, 2008
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When Steve died several years ago, I felt so lost… He’d been diagnosed six month earlier, but for each of those days, I kept expecting (and praying) that a miracle would happen, that he’d bounce back as he’d always done when he’d encountered acute health crises earlier, and that soon we’d be back on our [...]
A Companion on Your Grief Journey
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August 18, 2008
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I became a widow when Steve, my husband of 20 years, died from esophageal cancer. With one daughter in college and the other finishing up high school, along with a new, highly demanding job, I felt so unequipped to deal with all the emotions, feelings, and tangible aspects of grief. When we lose someone we [...]
