Do you feel like there’s just too much to do during the holiday season? If you’re caregiving, I’d be willing to bet that your stress levels are ramping on up there about now. It’s not that it’s not all good – the tree, the gifts, the home baked cookies, the parties, the family gatherings, the lights. Every one [...]
Found 25 results
Do the Holidays Feel Like Too Much? How Caregivers and Families Find Joy in the Season
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December 27, 2009
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The Unlikely Caregiver: Black Sheep of the Family
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October 25, 2009
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Life is funny. Sometimes the most rebellious of us, the teen gone bad, the unwed mother of three, the Harley brother in leather and bandanas and lots of tattoos becomes the best caregiver, the most thoughtful son–or daughter. Why? Sometimes those who travel counter to society have the most tender souls. Sometimes the battle with their [...]
Are You the Black Sheep Sibling? The Unlikely Caregiver?
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July 7, 2009
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Life is funny. Sometimes the most rebellious of us, the teen gone bad, the unwed mother of three, the Harley brother in leather and bandanas and lots of tattoos who become the best caregiver, the most thoughtful son–or daughter. Why? Sometimes those who travel counter to society have the most tender souls. Sometimes the battle [...]
When Caregiving Takes Its Own Sweet Time, Pace Yourself for the Long Haul
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July 1, 2009
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I have the privilege of meeting many, many caregivers–and some of them have been at this for a long, long time. Some caregivers are caring for both parents, some a spouse with a chronic disease, others, an adult child who is disabled or challenged. These are the silent heroes. These are the quiet ones who [...]
Why Does Alzheimer’s Effect People Differently?
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June 22, 2009
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Alzheimer’s does different things to different people. I’ve heard some people say their spouse or parent got sweeter. “Not my mother,” I say in return, laughing (and almost crying at the same time) at some of the antics my mother and I lived through. My mother had Parkinson’s and later, developed Alzheimer’s. Double whammy. Writing [...]
‘Don’t Leave Me Here Without You’ – Why Caring For a Spouse is So Difficult
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June 6, 2009
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By Carol O’Dell – For many of us, caregiving for a spouse is in our future. We like to not think about it, or at least imagine that it’s a long, long time from now. For many, it’s a daily reality. According to the Family Caregiving Alliance, there is a much higher likelihood of receiving [...]
Celebrating Mother’s Day When Mom’s Gone, Turn Bitter Into Sweet
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May 7, 2009
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Mother’s Day can be bitter-sweet if your mom’s no longer here. It’s so hard to say the word, “dead,” and in many ways, our loved ones live on–in thoughts, in stories, in how they continue to impact our lives. For many, Mother’s Day can be so painful that we do all we can to avoid it. That avoidance [...]
“Honey, Grandma Died”: Talking to Your Children About Tough Issues
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April 29, 2009
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It’s so, so hard to have to tell your son or daughter that their grandfather, grandmother, or parent has died. We dread it so much that we avoid it, but this is a time when our children need us to most. They need us to be clear. They need us to answer their questions. How Do [...]
Are You Dreading the Death Date of a Loved One?
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April 27, 2009
1 Response
No matter how much you try not to think about it, you dread the day your loved one died. It’s especially hard, those first couple of anniversaries. Perhaps you spent years caregiving and you’re dealing with the void in your life. Perhaps it was sudden and you feel as if the bottom fell out of [...]
Does Caregiving Stress Your Marriage? Grow Closer in Your Caregiving Years
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April 1, 2009
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Is caregiving hard on a marriage? It can be. But it can also be a wake-up call. Sometimes our marriage can be defined by what we’ve survived. Yes, caregiving was stressul on marriage–at times. I wrote in my book, Mothering Mother that I felt like I was a giant ice cream milkshake and each of [...]
When Death Comes as a Shock…
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March 20, 2009
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Actress Natasha Richardson died yesterday–from a head injury. She fell on the bunny slopes while skiing with her son in Canada. She was 45. Her death comes as a shock to her family. As hard as it is to be a caregiver and watch someone you love die slowly, it’s even more heartbreaking to have your time cut [...]
How to Talk To Your Doctor: Getting What You Want and Need, for Caregivers and Families
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March 4, 2009
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Most of us pine for the days when we had home town doc who delivered us, knows everything about us–and cared that we stay alive. Not that most ever had that–but it sure sounds good, doesn’t it? As a caregiver to my mom who had Parkinson’s, heart disease, and Alzheimer’s, trust me, I’ve spent a whole [...]
Creating Memorial Services with Heart
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March 4, 2009
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By Carol O’Dell Creating a meaningful memorial service for your loved one is cathartic, and you don’t have to wait until your loved one passes to begin to think about what they — and you — want and need. It’s a part of caregiving you’d rather not think about, but it’s the last thing you [...]
Caregiver’s Support Group
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February 25, 2009
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I have to admit that I didn’t attend a caregiver support group while I was caring for my mom. Not everyone is the “group” type. I started full time caregiving back in 1998 and honestly, I didn’t even know caregiving support groups existed. I had decided that I wasn’t going to go and talk about my mother! [...]
Creating Memorial Services with Heart, Part of the Caregiving Journey
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February 20, 2009
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Creating a meaningful memorial service for your loved one is cathartic, and you don’t have to wait until your loved one passes to begin to think about what they–and you–want and need. It’s a part of caregiving you’d rather not thnk about, but it’s the last thing you can do to honor their wishes and gather [...]
Alzheimer’s and Violence, “I Don’t Want Anyone to Know How Bad It Is”
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February 10, 2009
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Have you stopped having people come into your home because you don’t want them to see your dad/husband or wife “that way?” Are you hiding how awful it really is? Alzheimer’s, Lewy Body, dementia and other neurological based diseases affect the brain in different ways. Some individuals become docile, too docile. They stop talking, and pretty [...]
Move Over Michelle, Mama’s in the House: The Obamas Are a Multigenerational Family
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January 24, 2009
1 Response
Move over, Michelle Obama, cause Mama’s in the house. That’s right, Michelle Obama’s mother is moving into the White House. Multigenerational families aren’t new, and now that the Obama family joins the rank, perhaps it will be considered a viable living option, and one that’s particularly appealing in these economically challenged times. People used to [...]
Am I Holding Onto the Past? Why We Keep the Clothes of Those We Love
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January 13, 2009
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I’ve had my Daddy’s suede jacket hanging in my closet since 1982, the year he died. I didn’t know I’d be a keeper, but I guess I am. It’s brick-red suede, and has completely worn through at the edge of the sleeves. It no longer smells of him, but I keep it. I remember when I [...]
Is This Your Last Christmas Together?
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December 23, 2008
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Do you feel this is the last Christmas with your spouse or parent? Maybe your loved one has just been placed in hospice–or maybe you just know. You have that feeling. Perhaps you or your loved one is facing a cancer diagnosis, or you’re at the end stages of Alzheimer’s or heart disease. This can put [...]
Caregivers and Happiness: An Oxymoron?
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December 8, 2008
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Do caregivers struggle with the concept of happiness? People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. ~Abraham Lincoln. I find it pretty amazing that this quote is attributed to Abraham Lincoln. He didn’t exactly have a cushy life. According to today’s standards of what qualifies as a “good life,” Abraham Lincoln’s [...]
“I Can’t Believe I Just Said That”: How to Say the Right Thing to Someone Who is Ill or Experienced a Death
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November 29, 2008
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A dear friend of mine has cancer is awaiting a double mastectomy. Her family and friends have all gathered and I see the love and connection she has surrounding her. There’s hugs and laughter and even a few tears. But we’re still human, every last one of us that and all those prayers and good thoughts don’t [...]
Aging and Fear: Choose a Different Path
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November 25, 2008
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As I was caregiving my mother, I couldn’t help but observe my mother’s words and actions. If you live with someone, talk and listen, you begin to notice patterns. The same old things get said day in and day out. We’re all such creatures of habit. As my mother continued to age, she lost her ability to filter [...]
Having That Difficult Conversation: How to Talk About Uncomfortable Issues
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November 17, 2008
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What makes a good conversation? Two people who want to talk–and listen. Sometimes, they use words, but a conversation can consist of a glance, a the touch of a hand–it’s about connection. You can’t force it, and if you try too hard, it shows. The art of conversation starts with you–and what you bring to the [...]
Caregivers: There’s Nothing More Important Than a Good Conversation
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November 14, 2008
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I love the Japanese concept of Wabi-Sabi–the beauty found in imperfection. There’s nothing more imperfect than family life. The fusses, fights, secrets, and misunderstandings add texture to your life–and salt to your stories. I found this definition at Nobel Harbor, written by Tadao Ando, a Japanese architect. This essay on Wabi Sabi so touched me that [...]
