We buried our 20-year old daughter, Elizabeth, on a bright, sunny, warm September day.
If only that sun would break through the shock and disbelief of what that day brought. Why God, why? Elizabeth was supposed to bury me. A parent should never have to bury a child.
A year earlier, we had packed her up and taken her to her dream college, the University of Minnesota. We had never seen her so happy. She was living in an exciting metropolitan area, she was getting good grades and she was making many diverse friends … all goals she had set for herself.
All of that was gone now. An early morning fire had broken out in the duplex that she shared with six of her closest college friends. Within the span of a very few minutes, three young lives were lost, along with the hopes and dreams of their families.
Where was my girl? How could I be sure that the promises of my faith were true? Was there any way to make sense of something that seemed so senseless?
The pain of that day will remain a part of me for the rest of my life. Life as we once knew it no longer existed. How could we go on?
A day after the funeral, my mom was back at the cemetery. It is very close both to where we live and where my parents live, and Mom was there. As she stood and stared at the overturned earth and all of the flowers strewn upon it she thought to herself, “Liz if you’re okay, please give me a sign.” And then, after a few more minutes of contemplation, she began the short walk home.
Somewhere on that walk something miraculous happened. Three monarch butterflies flew up right in front of her, seemingly out of nowhere. It was perfect because the butterfly is a symbol of rebirth and new life. Mom had been insistent that we needed to release butterflies as a final parting gesture after the committal service at the cemetery.
We all thought it was a wonderful idea, but no one knew where to find butterflies. But Mom would not be deterred. She went on the internet, found a company in Florida that could supply butterflies, and she ordered them and had them delivered in time for the funeral. It was quite a feat for a woman who even on a good day had difficulty remembering how to check her email.
So the three butterflies flying up in front of her was a validation of Liz’s new life. And, my mom understood that that was her sign and it brought great comfort not only to her, but also to our entire family.
“Life is not the way it’s supposed to be. It’s the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.” Virginia Satir
Kimberly Wencl 2011
Tags: signs and connections
My mother and I have the same connection with my 27-year-old brother who passed away. As we sat crying the week of his funeral, a monarch appeared and sat for a long time on a flower near us. Ever since that moment “my monarch” as I call it, shows up when I most need it…. even in the most random and unexpected places. A parking lot with no trees or grass, the middle of a dirt road in Hawaii or just soaring past me as I cry in my back yard. It’s the most comforting thing… I’m glad you had your butterflies too.
My 16 year old son, Jeffrey, died in a car accident in 1989 only about a mile from home. What a tragic loss for me to lose my first born child. We buried Jeffrey in a beautiful cemetary and will always remember him. The Monarch Butterfly holds a special place in my heart as his Mother. Shortly after his death, everywhere I would go I would see a Monarch Butterfly — at the cemetary, at his brother’s soccer games, on the window of my car when I was driving Over the years since his death I still see them – not as frequently as I once did but maybe I’m not looking for them as much. One of my favorite cards I got when he died had this verse:
A Butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam and for a brief moment its joy and beauty belong to our world – but then it flys on again and though we wish it could have stayed, we feel so lucky to have seen it.
I know I’ll see him again in Heaven someday!
I just started doing research on monarch butterflies and thought I would share an experiance me and my mom had. My nephew was 5 and was killed in foster care. At the funeral when we were at the church they had made a potluck type lunch for everyone, me and my mom were too upset to eat, and we went outside. There was probably 2000 monarch butterflies outside. Which was surprising because no one had released them and it is uncommon where im from. we went about two miles down the road where he is buried and they were still all around. It was shocking.
A couple months later my mom and dad went to the park where they would take him to play. and my mom started crying because there was other children his age playing, and she said one just flew up and landed on her hand. and she had to stop crying because she knew he was ok. every time i see a monarch butterfly i think of him.
Shorty after I lost my dear Dad. A monach butterfly landed on the driveway next to where I juggle and watched me for awhile. My dog got to close and scared it away and I leashed the dog and it came back to the same spot. Nothing there of interest other than me juggling. I came over to it and put my right hand out. It flew up and landed on it. I said thats nice and feel free to land on my other hand. It didn’t but I think that it was a sign that my Dad was fine in made it to heaven.