Loss of a Family Member

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Articles

  • Open to hope

    Finding the Good Stuff on Father’s Day

    Posted on June 10, 2015 - by Anne Hamilton

    I will always remember my Uncle Steve in his work clothing, coming home from a long day of repairing cars and trucks. His boots were worn, and his clothing stained with grease. He would be so tired that he would lie down on the carpet. Often, he would fall asleep there from sheer exhaustion. When dinner was ready, I would go over to him and say, “Rise and shine!” On May 10th, he passed away after battling cancer. He was on hospice and lived for two and half years after his diagnosis, even though the doctors only gave him three […]

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  • Cartoonist Keith Knight in Tears

    Cartoonist Keith Knight on How Words Live On

    Posted on February 9, 2015 - by Nancy Gershman, LMSW

    Keith Knight is a “gentleman cartoonist” whose various, nationally syndicated comics are published in the Washington Post, MAD, Daily Kos, Medium.com, and the Funny Times. Visit Keef on his website and watch the documentary on his work. A vet’s rates don’t come down just because it’s a dying rat Don’t rate a deathbed experience by the number of words exchanged Use a smart phone to become your family’s personal historian He who laughs in the face of spiders is king Play back absurdities of the day out loud Immortalize the deceased with talk bubbles Your To Do List   A vet’s rates don’t come down just because it’s a […]

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  • comic Yisrael Campbell

    Comic Yisrael Campbell on Uplifting the Dying

    Posted on August 23, 2014 - by Nancy Gershman, LMSW

    How can you use your talents to make the dying feel like they’re at the center of your universe? Be a DJ on a pretend radio station with your friend’s name in the call letters: this idea and more when memory artist Nancy Gershman speaks with Yisrael Campbell (born Chris Campbell): a comedian of Irish and Italian descent, who grew up Catholic in Philadelphia and now lives with his wife and four kids as an Orthodox Jew in Israel. The star and writer behind the critically acclaimed Off Broadway show “Circumcise Me,” Yisrael brings his one-man show to The Edinburgh Fringe Festival August 2014. […]

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    The Malaysian Airlines Crash: Reflections on Grief After Tragedy

    Posted on July 20, 2014 - by David Roberts

    This past Thursday (7/18/14), Malaysian Airlines flight MH 17 was hit by a missile while flying over the Ukraine. All told, 298 individuals from 11 countries, including 80 children were killed. Recalling My Past When I first heard of this tragic event, I immediately recalled the terrorist attack involving Pan Am Flight 103 on December 21, 1988. Pan Am Flight 103, a London to New York flight, exploded over Lockerbie, Scotland. A total of 270 people were killed, 259 of which had been on board the plane and another 11 had been killed from the debris that hit the ground.  […]

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  • Open to hope

    The Upside of Sadness in Our Grief Journeys

    Posted on May 19, 2014 - by David Roberts

    Entitled No More During the last few days of my existence, I have experienced more sadness than usual. Considering that I am a parent whose child died  over 11 years ago, I could justify my sadness as something that I was entitled to because of my daughter Jeannine’s death. However, entitlement hasn’t been a part of my vocabulary for a long time. I have learned to express gratitude for the blessings in my life, as opposed to regret over what I don’t have or what I feel that I am entitled to have. Plus I have found my peace with […]

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  • Open to hope

    Helping Kids Cope with the Death of a Pet

    Posted on February 28, 2014 - by Linda Goldman

    All too often, pet death is discounted as not important, and those undermining words, “We’ll get you another one,” are offered as a hollow consolation. They diminish the love the child has for their pet, whether it is a goldfish, a hamster, a dog, a cat or a horse. The death of a pet can serve as a “teachable moment” to include children as recognized mourners and prepare them for other deaths or losses that might occur in their lives. The story of Sammy Sammy was Jasmine’s pet dog. He was hit by a car and severely injured with no […]

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    My Grief Process: Pain an ‘Exquisite Form of Love’

    Posted on January 10, 2014 - by Elizabeth Wagele

    The complete version of this was written by J. J. a year after the deaths of her daughter and granddaughter. It was published in Elizabeth Wagele’s book, The Enneagram of Death and excerpted in The Career Within You blog on Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-career-within-you/201301/healing-after-terrible-loss I write to make sense of the year since the untimely death of my daughter and my 11-year-old granddaughter in a single car accident. I’ve known for a long time that life is a preparation for death. Still, I get confused and long for someone in my wandering to show me a clear path. I know the […]

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  • Open to hope

    My Grief Process: Pain an ‘Exquisite Form of Love’

    Posted on January 10, 2014 - by Elizabeth Wagele

    The complete version of this was written by J. J. a year after the deaths of her daughter and granddaughter. It was published in Elizabeth Wagele’s book, The Enneagram of Death and excerpted in The Career Within You blog on Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-career-within-you/201301/healing-after-terrible-loss I write to make sense of the year since the untimely death of my daughter and my 11-year-old granddaughter in a single car accident. I’ve known for a long time that life is a preparation for death. Still, I get confused and long for someone in my wandering to show me a clear path. I know the […]

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  • Open to hope

    Condolence Letter on the Death of a Pet

    Posted on September 24, 2013 - by Janet Gallin

    I have watched people go through loss of a loved pet and can see how hard it is to say goodbye to those four-legged members of our families. Having seen friends through this heartbreak of having had to say goodbye to the very family member who loved constantly and without question, kept their children safe, guarded them from danger and brought joy into the home, I realized how important it is to send a love letter of condolence to families who are suffering this particular grief. Rosie’s death was a wrenching change, an agonizing absence and called for a memorial […]

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  • Open to hope

    Poem: The Thief

    Posted on July 8, 2013 - by Tarah Hipple

    The night was cold, the fire burning old And the shepherd couldn’t take his eyes off his flock His stare was dry, life the air of the night And his head he was able to move, could not. He was aware of the dangers Of the night’s freezing strangers So he had extra help, his fire Little did he know, he was starting to doze But he had to stay awake, for he was required. He was freezing and shaking But a howl was an awakening Of someone in the night he should have caught The thief had gathered all […]

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  • Open to hope

    Poem: Whisper Goodnight

    Posted on July 3, 2013 - by Tarah Hipple

    Whisper Goodnight Now I’m strapped to the bark of Innocent trees While evil angels commit to do their Evil deeds They mock the obscenities of Torturing screams— And they sing me to silence with their Sweet lullabies As fire is already burning At my side And all I can do is Whisper goodnight As they angels burn down the trees.

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  • Open to hope

    A Forever Decision, Part 9

    Posted on December 5, 2012 - by Anne Hamilton

    My Uncle Steve turned 94 yesterday. I’m very happy that he’s still with us, and very proud that he has reached such an advanced old age. We tried to bring him home from the rehabilitation center last week, but the hospice worker recommended some accommodations to the house that had to be fulfilled before he could sign off on the transfer. The major one was to remove furniture and make space for a hospital bed, which at eight feet long and four feet wide, is a big order to fill. The other was to remove any object that might cause […]

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  • Open to hope

    A Forever Decision, Part 8

    Posted on December 1, 2012 - by Anne Hamilton

    I feel very anxious today, more anxious than I have been since I found out that my uncle has terminal cancer. He has been in a rehabilitation center for a month to work on strengthening his muscles and coordination. He was supposed to come home today.  I visited him for four days in the center. It was very strange to be there and brought back memories of visiting my granddad in a nursing home in the late 1970s. Uncle Steve looked well, and he was eating well. His mind is still very sharp. I appreciate that.  I still have to […]

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  • Open to hope

    A Forever Decision, Part 7

    Posted on November 4, 2012 - by Anne Hamilton

    It has been a week since I found out that my Uncle Steve has terminal cancer. I’ve felt sick to my stomach. I’ve felt calm. I’ve felt trapped. I’ve felt hopeful. I try to think about how I’ll feel without him in my life. I wonder what his life will be like until the end. I thank God for painkillers. I call him every day. I’ve planned a trip on November 13th when I’ve completed my work contracts and can drive across the state to see him. I ask him how he feels every day. He says, “I’m hanging in […]

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  • Open to hope

    A Forever Decision, Part 6

    Posted on October 30, 2012 - by Anne Hamilton

    There are certain beings in this life that I love more than anyone else. They are: my dogs Isabella and Camilla, my boyfriend Walter, and my Uncle Steve. I lost Cami due to a brain tumor seven weeks ago. I have struggled to keep on top of my emotions – and by that, I mean that I have struggled to always face my emotions and not push them down. It has been very hard to concentrate for any length of time. And it has been hard to keep my motivation strong. Last week was so hard that I couldn’t even […]

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  • Open to hope

    A Forever Decision, Part 5

    Posted on October 16, 2012 - by Anne Hamilton

    A Forever Decision, Part 5 I am beginning to remember things about my daily life with my dog, Camilla, that give me pleasure. When she lost her sight, I would walk her up and down the straight sidewalk in front of our house. When we came to a step, I would say, “Step,” and stop her. Then I would reach down and take her paw and pat the top of the step so she could get oriented. Then we would walk on the steps. I feel a warm swelling in my heart when I remember it. To think that I […]

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  • Open to hope

    A Forever Decision, Part 4

    Posted on October 8, 2012 - by Anne Hamilton

    It has been a month since I lost my beloved Camilla due to a brain tumor. Today I felt desolate. Tears sprang into my eyes when I thought of what we went through a month ago. The grief was fresh enough to constrict my throat and blur my vision. I’ve been experiencing grief in waves, and chunks. Last week, I felt bereft and hopeless for a couple of days and had to talk to myself to keep myself going. “Anne, people need you. Isabella needs you. You have to take care of her. She misses her sister, too. Just give […]

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  • Open to hope

    Finding Peace After the Death of a Grandchild

    Posted on October 8, 2012 - by Mary Jane Clayton

    I’m an ordinary person just like you, trying to keep up with life and make the most of every day. Usually, we wake up each morning with plans for what we need or want to do that day. We get ourselves in gear and begin to put the day’s plan in motion without every thinking life might throw us a curve ball. Then one day, we get that pitch. If you’ve ever received news that puts you in a state of shock, you know how it feels to be left wondering how you can possible handle what was just thrown […]

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  • Open to hope

    A Forever Decision: Part 3

    Posted on September 20, 2012 - by Anne Hamilton

    On Day 9 after the loss of my beloved Camilla due to a brain tumor, I think it’s important to start the day with love. Whether it’s petting my remaining dog Isabella, or sending love letters to my boyfriend, I feel better when I start the day with something that will last. Because any love given and received is eternal and makes bonds that even death can’t break. And in the future, I’ll feel better knowing that I really showed my love to my loved ones. At least that’s something I can hang on to when the times comes that […]

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  • Open to hope

    A Forever Decision: Part Two

    Posted on September 20, 2012 - by Anne Hamilton

    My relief is giving way to anxiety and the inability to concentrate. On the sixth day after I put my beloved Camilla to sleep after a long illness, I wake up refreshed, but that feeling soon gives way to dread. Thoughts of Cami keep intruding. Why wasn’t I able to save her? What did I do wrong? Could I have done something different? I still have Isabella, my German Shepherd/Lab, but that doesn’t comfort me. I want Camilla. I want to pet her and feel her fur beneath my fingers. I want to tell her how much I love her. […]

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  • Open to hope

    A Forever Decision: Letting Go of a Dog

    Posted on September 20, 2012 - by Anne Hamilton

    I’m starting to realize that she is not coming back. Five days ago, I put my beloved dog Camilla to sleep. She had a tumor on her pituitary gland and she was experiencing debilitating symptoms. It was best to end her suffering. It was a forever decision. The first day, I felt relieved. I had been nursing her for a year and a half. I never knew when she would have another seizure. I had to guide her to and from the backyard by clapping so she could follow the sound – she had gone blind. I have another dog […]

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  • Open to hope

    Bradbury’s Enduring Voice

    Posted on July 14, 2012 - by Laura B. Hayden

    It was odd hearing that Ray Bradbury died this month. I was just thinking about him last month. Actually, I mentioned him in a tribute I gave at a close friend’s retirement dinner. As I planned the speech, I had to look up whether or not he was still living – and he was – at the time. I was mentioning Bradbury because my retiring friend still taught his book, Fahrenheit 451, to her sophomore English classes. No one else in the department has taught Bradbury for a very long time. So I thought of him, among others, when I […]

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    Crying is Okay, for Men Too

    Posted on July 14, 2012 - by Rich Guy Miller

    Many people today are talking about the loss of our freedoms and working opportunities. Loss of financial options. Loss of trust in the government, the banking system, the schools. And while loss is loss no matter how we cut it, those of us who lose loved ones suffer the most. And as the first anniversary of my father’s passing loomed, I found myself getting more angry, depressed and tearful. At first, I didn’t know what to do. I thought I was past it. I have tried so hard to be positive, to look at the loss directly by blogging and writing […]

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  • Open to hope

    Choosing to Say Goodbye

    Posted on June 29, 2012 - by Anne Hamilton

    There’s a time when you have to say goodbye, and a time when you choose to say goodbye. For the first time, I chose to say goodbye to my friend Curtis today. I had to say goodbye when he was ripped away from me in a car accident thirty years ago. And all this time I’ve been resenting that accident. But recently the song, “Freebird”* by Lynryd Skynyrd has kept echoing in my head. If I heard it on the radio, I would listen for its entirety. I would pull off the road to listen to it. I couldn’t get […]

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  • Open to hope

    Teen Mourns the Death of Her Best Friend

    Posted on April 27, 2012 - by Marty Tousley

    Question from a reader: When I was 12 years old, my best friend in the whole world died, one month before her 12th birthday. She was in the swimming pool playing that game—you know, who can hold their breath the longest—she was under but when she came up she inhaled a lot of water. She stood up and went over to the ladder and she was wheezing. She got up to the ladder and fell backwards, but her cousin caught her. They pulled her out of the pool and laid her down and ran for help. Her older sister was […]

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  • Open to hope

    Pet Cremation Mistake: Breaking the Bad News

    Posted on March 27, 2012 - by Marty Tousley

    Question from a reader: I wonder if you could give me some advice. Recently our pet cat died and we decided to have her cremated so the ashes could be scattered in our garden. I have just learned from our vet who sent the cat to the crematorium that accidently our cat was not labeled and was mass-cremated. It now leaves me with a dilemma as I know my partner will be distraught about this. Should I get another set of ashes (which my vet says they can supply) or should I tell her the truth? I honestly don’t know […]

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  • Open to hope

    Playing With Ashes

    Posted on February 29, 2012 - by Adele R. McDowell

    It’s been a tender week. This week marks the first anniversary of the death of my dear friend, E, who left the earth plane suddenly and unexpectedly, just two weeks after her 61st birthday. I made it to the North Carolina hospital on Easter Sunday and had the profound honor of witnessing her transition on Monday. E was semi-conscious; she had been intubated and medicated. I felt she was already circling the other realms. When I reached the side of her bed and placed my hand on her arm, she opened her eyes and looked directly at me, acknowledging my […]

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    Continuing Connection with a Pet that Has Died

    Posted on January 18, 2012 - by Wendy Packman

    “Death ends a life – it does not end a relationship.” — (Anderson, 1974) When one suffers the loss of a dear, beloved animal companion, it is a profound loss and a heart-wrenching experience: “I feel like a part of me died with her. I feel a deep emptiness inside that is physically painful (bereaved pet parent).”  Bereaved pet parents are changed by the loss experience. Part of the change is a transformed but continuing relationship with their deceased pet. Many bereaved talk about maintaining and experiencing an ongoing attachment and continuing bond with their beloved pet following the loss. […]

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    Heavenly Peace: How One Man’s Grief Journey has Taught Him Well

    Posted on December 23, 2011 - by Ron Villano

    My holiday season has begun with another lesson learned along my Grief Journey. It comes with the passing of one of my friends who has done the billing in my Family & Personal Counseling practice. Diana Hogan reminded me of my Aunt Rose, whom we also lost to cancer. For the first time in awhile, I was really shaken up going to the funeral home to pay my respects. Not only were powerful memories triggered (of my son, Michael, and Aunt Rose), but it seemed like I was falling back in time to some of the dark days of facing […]

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    Grieving, She Tries to Accept the Emptiness

    Posted on December 7, 2011 - by Gemini Adams

    While walking my dogs this morning, I was reflecting on the fact that I have acquired a wonderful set of girlfriends who are kind-hearted, intelligent, generous and fun. Nothing unusual about that, you might think? Lots of girls have great girlfriends. However, just over a year ago, this was not the case. I was lonely, feeling a little lost and reeling from the loss of two great friends who had left the area, another who had moved back to England and the fact that a dear friend and I had had a bust-up and were no longer talking. It’s funny […]

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  • Open to hope

    Did My Cat Go to Heaven?

    Posted on October 1, 2011 - by Marty Tousley

    Question from a reader:  I have been grieving the loss of my cat for some time now, and the pain does not go away. I am still very sad and wondering what kind of help you can give me.  I keep thinking—did my Mittens go to heaven or not?  I had a very tight bond with this cat.  I miss her companionship every day and I miss her so much. My response:   I’m so sorry to learn of the death of your beloved cat Mittens, and I offer you my deepest sympathy. Having lost my own beloved Tibetan terrier Beringer just […]

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    The Music and Life of Nick Ashford

    Posted on September 2, 2011 - by Nicole Alston

    Not long before I attended Mr. Nick Ashford’s funeral at the Abyssinian Baptist Church in Harlem, I was waiting in the check-out line at a nearby convenience store. The line was being manned by an exasperated store clerk, but, apparently, he had been abandoned by his fellow employees. His frantic attempts to page them for back-up help at the counter were completely ignored. Customers were irritable and becoming more and more impatient by the minute. The scene was tense, with the exception of a teenage girl in front of me, who seemed to have found the secret to zoning out […]

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    Even mass tragedy should be personal

    Posted on July 26, 2011 - by Kyle Shelton

    In recent months I’ve watched tragedy unfold far away from me, in places like Norway and Japan, and very close to me in my home state of Alabama. As I watched the loss of life, I revisited my own personal loss and the way I view the loss of people I don’t even know. I feel great empathy for the people that are dealing with the loss of loved ones in the wake of the attack on Norway, the tsunami in Japan and the tragic loss of life during the April 27 tornado outbreak that killed many near my home. […]

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    Does Jesus Like Chocolate?

    Posted on July 18, 2011 - by Lizzy Miles

    She was staring at the glass of chocolate Ensure.  “Annie” didn’t like chocolate but was so devout in her Catholicism that she did not want to offend Jesus.  She looked up at me and asked, “Does Jesus like chocolate?”  It was such a funny question and I stifled a laugh, because I knew she was completely serious in her inquiry.  Fortunately, I knew the real question behind the question.  Will Jesus be mad at me if I don’t like chocolate?  I smiled and said, “Jesus loves chocolate, but he forgives you if you don’t like it.” She stared at the […]

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    Recipes Link Her to Mother-in-Law, Memories

    Posted on June 6, 2011 - by Harriet Hodgson

    After my mother-in-law died, I received her copy of The Boston Cooking School Cook Book by Fannie Merritt Farmer. No other family members wanted the book, which surprised me, so it became mine. Over the years, she used the book as a file, and tucked clippings and recipe booklets in its pages. She also added notes to recipes. On the first page, a blank, there’s a handwritten recipe for brownies. According to my mother-in-law, the recipe came from a friend in Lima, Peru. During World War II, my father-in-law was a staff physician at the British American Hospital there. The […]

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    Hats Off to a World War II Vet

    Posted on May 29, 2011 - by Mary Jane Hurley Brant

    Yesterday was a wonderful day. While standing in line at the pharmacy, the gentleman behind me smiled. I don’t go to the CVS to make friends, but somehow yesterday I did. This older fellow’s smile, along with his vet’s hat, was engaging. He looked too young to have been in WWII so I asked him. “Yes, I was in the Navy, this was my ship.  (He pointed to his hat.) Spent a good deal of time in New Guinea and the South Pacific.” He was tall, tan and handsome. I thought he must have been just a kid back then. […]

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    Osama bin Laden’s Death: Tips for Talking with Your Child

    Posted on May 5, 2011 - by Suzy Yehl Marta

    The news this week of Osama bin Laden’s death evokes countless emotions.  As I look back on the tragic day of September 11, 2001, I shudder with the memories of fear for our country and the immensity of how Rainbows For All Children could help the families who had loved ones die.  There’s also the generation that grew up only knowing a post 9/11 life, and as CNN said, they “learned as children that the world is a scary place where strangers with hatred in their hearts steer planes into buildings, grown-ups cry for days and everything can change in […]

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    Falling in Love Again after Pet-Loss

    Posted on April 15, 2011 - by Bonnie Goodman

    My beloved first golden retriever died in July 2005, The anticipated and then excruciating pain of his loss lingered for months on end, tears flowed uncontrollably and a growing yearning for that furry connection permeated my soul. I swore to never get another dog again, as I couldn’t tolerate yet another heart wrenching “letting go.” But, a nagging question lingered: Could I continue my life without a dog? This was a terrible dilemma, as I felt a nagging emptiness without a dog to nurture. Yet the void grew wider with each passing day and my desire never ceased, I was […]

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    Great Aunt Waits for God

    Posted on April 10, 2011 - by Lizzy Miles

    My Great Aunt Alice was a pretty healthy 87 years old.  She was spunky.  I really thought I’d be submitting her picture to the Today show for the Smuckers jar profile when she turned 100. Then one a rainy day in April, I received the dreaded phone call.  Aunt Alice had a sudden brain aneurysm and went into a coma. When I went to visit her, she wasn’t well. Her breathing was labored, and the family knew it was close to the end. Her brother, sister and a couple of my cousins were there.   We were her closest relatives as  […]

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    Workplace Grief: Listening to the Griever

    Posted on March 17, 2011 - by Deb Kosmer

    Helping hurting employees can be complicated, challenging, and confusing, especially when the employee’s needs and reactions change from one day to the next. Grieving people are often unsure what they want from others, which complicates things further. Just as there is no rulebook as to the length and pattern of grief, there is no right way to respond, no checklist of solutions to provide needed assistance. It is important to remember that grief is not a cloak someone can take off when they walk out the door. It accompanies a person wherever he or she goes, which by necessity includes […]

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    Grief Following the Loss of a Beloved Pet

    Posted on March 9, 2011 - by Wendy Packman

    The Pain of Loss “This is the most terrible pain I have ever had and I feel like I will never be the same person I was before my pet passed.  It felt like someone ripped my heart out of my chest when he died and a scream came out of me that was from some place unknown. I feel like I cannot go on and have lost my best friend who loved me without conditions or expectations.”  — Bereaved pet owner Becoming attached to beloved animal companions causes us to experience both joy and pain.  The bonds we develop with […]

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    Losing My Mentor: Remembering Romulus Linney

    Posted on January 29, 2011 - by Anne Hamilton

    I lost a great friend and mentor this month.  Romulus Linney, the playwright and novelist, died in New York of lung cancer. In a twist of fate, Rom’s daughter, the actress Laura Linney, won a Golden Globe the day after her father’s death, for her starring role in THE BIG C, a story about a woman with cancer. Rom was my professor at Columbia University School of the Arts, and then my colleague at the New School’s Actors Studio Drama School. He led the playwrighting programs at both universities. I learned from him first as a student, and then as […]

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    Turn Grief into Joy? Cliches Don’t Work for the Bereaved

    Posted on January 25, 2011 - by Fran Dorf

    As a bereaved mother who mourned and still mourns the loss of her three-year-old son, Michael, I cringed when I heard former governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, make reference to the families of the victims of the terrible shooting in Tucson. She said, off-handedly, “May God turn their mourning into joy.” In my view, such sentiments, which seem so commonly held in this country, show a complete misunderstanding for both mourning AND joy, and maybe even for God too. Let’s leave politics aside for the moment, along with my personal feelings about Sarah Palin. I’m sure Ms. Palin meant those words […]

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    Episode 30: Pet Loss

    Posted on February 12, 2014 - by admin

    On This show Dr. Gloria Horsley; and Dr. Heidi Horsley discuss the death of a pet with pet loss experts Bonnie Goodman and Dr. Betty J. Carmack, R.N., Ed.D. Betty is a researcher and author of “Grieving the Death of a Pet”. Bonnie is a certified Thanatologist and grief Counselor. The show closes with music by Peter Anderson and Randy Cookson.

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    Lynne Ann DeSpelder: Grief Rituals

    Posted on April 18, 2011 - by Dr. Gloria and Dr. Heidi Horsley

    Lynne Ann DeSpelder & Dr Heidi Horsley talk about creating death rituals in order to honor your loved ones.

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    even if i am

    Posted on October 14, 2012 - by Chasity Glass

    Chasity Glass’ book, even if i am, is available at Amazon.

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    Grief in the Workplace

    Posted on June 20, 2011 - by Rachel Kodanaz

    Rachel Kodanaz’ book, Grief in the Workplace, is available here.

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