Daughter’s Cats Help Dad Keep Connection

My daughter Jeannine died on March 1,2003, at the age of 18 due to cancer. One of the things that I struggled with during my early grief was regret and guilt over the fact that I was too wrapped up with work and finishing graduate school to see what was happening to her sooner.

Of course, given the fact that the type of cancer she had was incurable did nothing to lessen my regret or guilt. I was her father and one of my jobs was to protect her from harm. That was the one task that God gave me as a parent and in my mind, I had failed it miserably. Today, I revisit that place periodically, but choose not to stay there long because of a conscious decision to change my perspective on life and death. Plus, I can’t change my initial response to her illness; I can only hope to learn from it.

Let’s now fast forward to January 29,2012. I was driving back from our Compassionate Friends chapter meeting in Little Falls, New York when I got a text from Patty, who is an interfaith minister, a dear friend, and mentor for and witness to the spiritual path that I have embraced during the last 15 or so months of my life. When I called Patty, she told me that she felt Jeannine’s presence during her walk on the beach and that Jeannine felt strongly that I needed to pay more attention to our two cats, Bootsy and Angel, but more so Bootsy at this time. I further discovered that paying attention meant being aware of the behaviors that could signal their transition from life to death.

Bootsy and Angel are my daughter Jeannine’s cats. They have both provided a source of comfort and companionship for me since Jeannine’s death. I will be saddened when they cross over not only because of that but also because of their connection to Jeannine.

Prior to my conversation with Patty, Bootsy, who is 14, had a check up because he has been losing weight. Our veterinarian did blood work and found no abnormalities. He did note that Bootsy lost two pounds since his last visit (roughly five years ago). He suggested that Bootsy take steroids to stimulate appetite, but me and my wife Cheri felt that the side effects outweighed the benefits. We decided to supplement his dry food diet with canned food, and for now it seems to be working.

On the following Monday the 30th, I instant messaged another friend of mine who I will refer to as “Mary”, and during the course of our conversation she told me that her golden retriever of nine-and-one-half years was going to be euthanized on Tuesday due to a brain tumor and other health concerns that were not responding to medication. During the course of our conversation, I began to reflect on our family’s journey with our golden retriever Ginger, who we euthanized many years ago due to cancer and a variety of neurological problems.

One of the things that eventually hit me was the fact that I was the last person to be present with both Ginger and Jeannine when they took their last breaths, which brought up a lot of painful memories. When I shared this revelation with Patty, she told me rather than being the last person to witness their deaths, that I was the first person to help Ginger and Jeannine transition to a new life. Having this shared with me gave me a new perspective on my pain.

In a subsequent conversation with “Mary” to see how she was holding up following the death of her beloved pet, I also talked with her about how angry and guilty I felt because of my perceived oblivion to Jeannine’s cancer symptoms prior to diagnosis. “Mary” had also told me about the amount of attention and love that she and her family gave her beloved pet during the process of transitioning.

Then at that moment, I realized that the message Jeannine relayed through Patty had additional significance. By paying more attention to the shifts in Bootsy’s energy and other behaviors signaling his transition to the other side, I would get the opportunity to do what I did not do with Jeannine. I could not go back in time and redo how I handled the shifts in Jeannine’s energy and behavior, but I could do it now in the present, with her pet that she loved dearly. I would also have a second chance to learn from my past.

In addition, this experience reinforced for me the need to continue to challenge and modify beliefs that no longer apply to me in my journey as a parent who has experienced the death of a child.

” We are not human beings going through a temporary spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings going through a temporary human experience.”- Teilhard De Chardin

David Roberts 2012

David Roberts

More Articles Written by David

David J. Roberts, LMSW ,became a parent who experienced the death of a child, after his daughter Jeannine died of cancer on 3/1/03 at the age of 18. He is a retired addiction professional and is also an adjunct professor in the psychology department at Utica College, Utica, New York. Dave has presented workshops at national conferences of The Compassionate Friends and Bereaved Parents ,as well as local and regional venues. Dave was also the keynote speaker at both the 2011 and 2015 national gatherings of the Bereaved Parents of the USA. He is also a featured speaker,workshop presenter and coach for Aspire Place(www.aspireplace.com) Dave is a HuffPost contributor and has also written articles for several other grief and self-improvement publications. He has co-authored two books with Linda Findlay of Mourning Discoveries. One is on navigating grief during the holidays and the other is on pet loss. One of Dave's articles” My Daughter is Never Far Away" can also be found in Open to Hope: Inspirational Stories of Healing and Loss. Excerpts from Dave's article for The Open to Hope Foundation, called The Broken Places, were featured in the 2012 Paraclete Press DVD video, Grieving the Sudden Death of a Loved One. Dave has also appeared on Healing the Grieving Heart and the Advocacy Heals U radio shows , and the Open to Hope television show . Dave’s website: www.bootsyandangel.com is devoted to providing support and resources for individuals experiencing loss.

2 Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *



  • Alicia says:

    David, thank you for these feelings and thoughts. I realize that this might be an especially challenging time as the anniversary of Jeannine’s transition approaches. I hope that you have all the support and comfort that you need to live through these next few days. My son’s transition was a very different circumstance than Jeannine’s and I often wonder how I missed so many signs when I am an involved observant person. I have lots of regrets to deal with but I did the best that I could, given the big picture of my life at that time and also the big picture of my life with my son. One of my dogs has been diagnosed with cancer. As I think about available treatment options I find that I no longer view death as the worst thing, I am not afraid of it and view some forms of suffering as much worse. Mediums have told me that our pets who transitioned before Dylan, were there to greet him when he transitioned. I know that Dylan will greet each family member when our time comes. Thank You for your thoughts and Serenity to you and your family in the coming days. Alicia

  • Hi Alicia: Thank you for your great feedback and kind thoughts as Jeannine’s angelversary date is approaching. I am glad you felt that you did the best you could with Dylan given the circumstances. That is a place i had to come to before I could progress on my journey. I am sorry that your dog has been diagnosed with cancer. I am also convinced that Dylan will be waiting for your dog when it is his time to cross over, whenever and however long into the future it may be.

    Take care Alicia.