December 7, 2006 Challenges of Being a Bereaved Stepparent – Babe Muro

HEALING THE GRIEVING HEART
Challenges of Being a Bereaved Stepparent
Hosts:? Dr. Gloria Horsley and Dr. Heidi Horsley
With guest:? Babe Muro
December 7, 2006
G:?Hello.? I?m Dr. Gloria Horsley with my co-host
H:?Dr. Heidi Horsley.
G:?Each week we welcome you to Healing the Grieving Heart, a show of hope and conversation with those who?ve suffered the loss of a loved one and for health care professionals who work in this difficult field.? As always the message is that others have been there before you and made it and you can, too.? You need not walk alone.? If you?re listening to our Thursday live Internet show, please join Heidi and me on the show by calling our toll free number 1-866-472-5792 with questions or comments regarding the losses in your life.? These shows are archived on our blog, www.thegriefblog.com, as well as www.thecompassionatefriends.org websites.? All shows can also be downloaded on Itunes and transcripts can be accessed on www.thegriefblog.com.? Well, Heidi, we have a great show today because we have a great guest, don?t we?
H:?Absolutely.? Yes, I?m very excited to have Babe on.
G:?Would you like to introduce him to our audience?
H:?Sure, I?d love to.? Our topic today is Challenges of Being a Bereaved Stepparent and our guest is Babe Muro.? Babe Muro?s 19-year-old stepdaughter, Lori Singer, died in an automobile accident on March 30, 1998.? Lori was excited about being in the U.S. Navy and was to leave for Guam in a matter of days.? Lori is survived by her brother Keith who continues to live with Babe and his mother Michelle.? Michele is the co-leader of the Staten Island Chapter of The Compassionate Friends, and Babe is what he likes to call the ?Shadow Leader? always willing to help behind the scenes.? Babe has led stepparent support groups at The Compassionate Friends National Conference.? Welcome to the show, Babe.
B:?Thank you.
G:?Hi, Babe.? It?s great to have you on the show.
B:?Hello.
H:?We met Babe how long ago, mom?? Four years ago at The Compassionate Friends in Salt Lake City, Utah.
G:?Yeah, absolutely.? I think that was four years ago.? Babe would probably know because you go to most of the conferences don?t you?? You and Michele?
B:?I do.? The conferences are great by the way.
H:?I think it was about four years ago and we saw him and Michele and they?re very active in The Compassionate Friends and at that time in my life, I was looking to work with families for my doctoral dissertation and help them, help siblings that have had the death of a sibling, help increase communication in the family and I needed to get families to work with me and I went up to Babe and Michele, who I didn?t even know, and they put me in touch with some amazing families and I really appreciate it.? So thank you, Babe, for doing that.
B:?Thank you.
G:?Well, Heidi and Babe, one of the things I want to talk about early on this show is to remind people that this Sunday at 7:00 p.m. your local time, all over the world people during their 7:00 p.m. local time will light a candle in remembrance of all the children who have died.? And you could also do it for any other loved ones who have died also.? During that day, it?s on Sunday, December 10, all day long you?ll be able to go to The Compassionate Friends website and you?ll be able to log on there and there will be a book there where you can log on and write something about your child and their life and some kind of a memorial piece and you?ll be able to read what other people have written.? So please do that.? It?s going to be a wonderful event.? And Babe, I understand you?re doing a little different things in your chapter, Staten Island.? Can you talk to us about that?
B:?Yeah, sure.? First of all, I?d like to thank you guys for having me and The Compassionate Friends.? I don?t know where me and Michele would be without The Compassionate Friends.? When we first started going to the candle lighting, it was really a down event.? Very sad.? Candles.? Everybody crying.? When Michele and Varda took over our group, they became the co-leaders, they had a good idea, which they have a lot of good ideas.? We decided we were going to ? not lighten it up, it?s almost impossible to lighten up that situation.? But what we did was we bring pictures and everybody gets a chance to go up to the microphone and talk about something funny or something really cool that happened with their kids.?
H:?I love that.
B:?Yeah.? It made the whole thing different.? It?s not as depressing as it normally was when we first went.
H:?So it?s like a celebration of life.?
B:?Exactly.
H:?And I love that because I hear so many times people say, you know, when people ask us about our children, our siblings, they ask us about how they died but we want to talk more about what they were like when they were alive.
G:?And who they were as people.
H:?Exactly, mom, who they were as people.? And funny stories and great stories and ways that we related to them.? That?s such a great way to memorialize them.
G:?Absolutely.? Well, along with our worldwide candle lighting, of course, is the fact that the holiday seasons are upon us and I?ve asked Babe to join us.? Heidi and I usually talk about our emails before we have a guest come on the show, but today we wanted to include Babe in this email because it?s regarding our topic today on stepparents and our email is from Jamie, and Jamie says:
Dear Dr. Horsleys:
I?m really glad you?re doing a stepparent?s perspective as today?s topic.? I?ll listen intently.? My daughter died last May 23
Wow, so this is the first Christmas.
and I married her stepdad June 18.
And she talks about they had some counseling.? Her daughter, Lee, had a complicated death.? It was stroke related and she said that she feels that she needs to own that so that the stepfamily can see her as much more.? So it seems like, what do you think she means by that, Heidi?? That she needs to let people
H:?As a real person.? Our siblings were real people and our children.? They had good times.? They had bad times.? There were times when we got along with them.? There were times we fought with them.? None of us are perfect.? We?re real people and that?s what makes us interesting.
G:?Exactly.? And so Jamie asks us, she?s thinking about having a rehearsed toast to her probably at Christmas and she wondered what we thought about that and any other ideas that we might have for her to let her new, I guess you might say her new extended family, her husband?s family, the stepfamily, know her daughter even though they never really knew her while she was living.? So have you got some thoughts about that for us Babe?
B:?Yeah, I was reading that email and the first thing that hit me, I was saying to myself, I hope this girl joins The Compassionate Friends if she isn?t already a member, you know.? Because a lot of those situations we talk about at the meetings, you know, and you get different feedback from people, what they do in all those situations.? It?s not easy, you know.
G:?What do you think about the rehearsed toast, Heidi?
H:?I like that idea.? I don?t know what Babe thinks, but I like the idea of celebrating the life and just having the toast to your daughter in front of your new family.? I think that?s a great idea.? What do you think, Babe?
B:?We do things like that.? A lot of people set settings for the kids and whatever gets you through that day, you know.
G:?Well, I was thinking that one of the things.? I love pictures.? So one of the things that they might do is maybe bring an album for people who want to look at, or maybe just have a picture of Lee on a table with candles.
B:?Yeah.
H:?Absolutely.
G:?Something like that, and Jamie tells us that Christmas was Lee?s holiday and she may have some wonderful Christmas pictures maybe going through the history of Lee when she was younger and as she grew older.
H:?That?s a good point because if she brings those pictures, she can also tell about the great stories about the positive things she remembered during the Christmas holiday with her daughter.
G:?Yeah, and I think that if she brings it out and presents stuff, people won?t be as reluctant to talk to her about it.
B:?Exactly.
H:?I agree, and there?s something about pictures.? When you have a picture in front of you, like you said, you?re more willing to ask questions like where was she? what was happening at this time?? It stimulates conversation.
G:?And I think she would want to include her new husband as the stepdad of Lee because he certainly is the one who can ease the way with his family with her.
H:?Um hm.? I agree.
G:?So letting people know in advance I think is a good way to do it.? Have you got any more thoughts on this, Babe?
B:?It?s the first time she?s meeting that family, right?
G:?I don?t know.? She doesn?t tell us that so I?m not sure if she?s just trying to involve Lee in the Christmas celebration in some way.
B:?Yeah, that happens a lot like I was saying before.? I think as time passes, she?ll get away from that more and more.? Not the idea of having Lee at the table and all the pictures, but just trying to please people.? It?s hard.?
G:?Oh, yeah.? And worried about what they think.
B:?Yeah, because a lot of people, even in my family.? If we set a place for Lori and my mother come here, she?d think we?re crazy, but you learn in The Compassionate Friends that we?re not crazy.
G:?Right.? And that whatever works for you works for you.
B:?Exactly.?
H:?That?s a good point.
G:?Well, Jamie, thanks a lot for your email and do what you need to do for you, and you didn?t say if you had other children.? You might want to involve them in it also or other family members.
B:?Can I say one thing?
H:?Sure, Babe.
B:?If Jamie wants to call our house, she?s welcome.? My wife was dying to talk to her.
G:?Do you want to give them your phone number or do you want them to get in touch with us by email and we?ll give it to them?
B:?Yes, go ahead and email her the number.? I didn?t want to do it last night.? I wasn?t sure if it was appropriate or what.
G:?Oh, that?s fine.
B:?She can call us and talk to us.
G:?Absolutely, well let?s see.? I sent you her email.? You could probably email her back also.
B:?Okay, I just wasn?t sure.
H:?That would be great, Babe.
B:?I?ll do it.
G:?I?m sure she?d like that.? Okay, let?s see, Babe, could you tell us a little bit about Lori before we go to break?
B:?I wanted to say one thing about stepdads.
G:?Oh, all right, and then we can talk about Lori after break.
B:?Okay.? The first meeting we went to in Chicago, I was like a fish out of water there.? I was always trying to make sure Michele was okay, you know, devastating.? But I looked at the ? they had a list of the sharing sessions after the meeting and I said do you have anything for stepdads?? They said no, we don?t.? And one woman says write stepdads on there.? Don?t worry about it, and I did, and we got a bunch of people there and we had a nice sharing session.? The thing I wanted to bring out was the next year we went to Arlington, I think, and I asked if they had a stepdad session and the first guy that came into that room that night was screaming at me, ?I?m not a stepdad.? I was her father.?? So I learned right away, there?s a lot of different situations with stepparents.? A lot of them don?t like to be called stepparents.? My situation with Lori was I only knew Lori six years and she lived with her dad, her biological dad.? But she was a great kid.? She was adventurous.? She did go in the Navy, like you were talking about, and the years that I knew her, I seen her change from a little teenager to this beautiful woman.? She was starting to really mature and it?s just heartbreaking.? We still don?t know what happened to her.? She just lost control of the car and that was it.
H:?And, Babe, six years is a long time to know somebody.? It?s wonderful you had that six years with her so I imagine for you, too, it?s a major loss.
B:?Yeah, for sure, for sure, you know.? I felt really terrible when this happened to Lori but I really think, and I say it sometimes at the meeting, I really can?t feel what these other parents feel, but my main, my whole thing was with Michele.? I was worried about her.? I didn?t know if she was going to go nuts on me or.? It?s just the hole in her heart was so ? I look at her and I feel her pain.
G:?What a wonderful observation and I want to get back to that when we come back from break.? So we?re coming up on break now and I?m your host, Dr. Gloria Horsley, and please join our show by calling our toll free number 1-866-472-5792 and if you would like to email us about this or upcoming shows, you can email us through www.thegriefblog.com.? Stay tuned for more.
Before we get started with Babe again, I just wanted to mention for those of you who just tuned in, the worldwide candle lighting for The Compassionate Friends.? It?ll be this Sunday, December 10.? Light a candle for your loved one at 7:00 p.m.? You can also join us on the web through The Compassionate Friends website and visit the Book of Remembrance.? Well, Babe, when we went to break, you were talking about something that really resonated with me and that?s that there are all sorts of different kinds of situations for stepparents.? Some have only known the children a short time and you were saying that your son is a stepparent and he was actually at the birth of his child.? So there are longer periods of time and there are different situations.
B:?Exactly.
G:?So what do you think are the biggest challenges of being a stepparent with a bereaved stepchild?
B:?I think there?s a lot of different challenges like I?ve been fortunate.? I get along with the biological father.? I get along with Keith.? There are other parents in our group or you hear them sharing at the conferences where they don?t get along with the biological parent and the kid is a rebel and there?s all kinds of family problems with them.
G:?Now what about Lori?s biological father?
B:?His name is Steve.? He?s a good guy.? Yeah, he was at the funeral and all.? He participated.? He?s been a trooper for her.
G:?Have you had to support him or have you talked with him?
B:?Michele talks to him more than I do.? But he knows about The Compassionate Friends.? He just goes about it his own way.? He?s dealing with his grief the way he wants to.? He doesn?t really go to Compassionate Friends meetings.? He honors Lori every day, keeps her memory alive in his house and all that.? I know that for sure.
H:?And so, Babe, you said before break that one of the challenges for you was how to help Michele through her grief because she had had this intense grief and had lost her child and you felt her pain and you wanted to know how to help her.? We hear that from boyfriends and spouses and stepparents often, and I was wondering how have you been able to help her?? What advice would you give to stepparents out there about how to help their spouse through this process?
G:?Yeah, especially the newly bereaved maybe just this year and they?ve got a spouse that?s lost a child.
B:?The first thing I did, I just knew instinctively that I had to get her a support group somehow.? I kind of feel I was pushed towards this woman who I didn?t even know.? I had lost a daughter and she gave me a contact number for The Compassionate Friends and we went and we didn?t like it.? We didn?t want to be there in the beginning but I know today it really helped the both of us, you know.
H:?How many times did you have to go before you started to like it more?
B:?It took awhile.? It took us awhile.? We used to drive on the way home cursing at the group.? What are we doing here?? We don?t belong here.? But we just kept coming, you know.? That?s what we tell people to come back and give us a chance. Then before you know it, they kind of pushed Michele into the leadership, her and Varda, and then we really got active in the group and it?s really been good medicine, you know.
G:?So as a stepdad, one of the things that you were able to do was get your wife some more support because it?s a lot of pressure to have to be the support person for somebody who?s lost a child, and your own grief, also, at your stepparent loss.
H:?Well, and I think as a supportive spouse, you want to fix the problem and you want to help that person and you really can?t completely fix the problem because you can?t bring back, you couldn?t bring back Lori, Babe.? You can?t bring that child into their parent?s lives and that?s what they want.? They want their child back.
B:?I used to choose my words carefully.? I just let her go about her business but I was always ? I always watched her like a hawk to make sure she wasn?t flipping out on me, you know, because I?ve heard of people who lost their minds over the death of a child, you know.? Again, not to keep talking about Compassionate Friends but I think that?s where that plays a big part.? You?re not going crazy.
G:?Yeah, exactly, no, I know we?re not going crazy as parents and that?s part of the normal process.? Well, what about the other siblings?? Were there other siblings that Lori had?
H:?There?s Keith.
B:?Keith is Lori?s brother.? He lives with us.
H:?And I?ve met him.? He?s a great guy.
B:?Yeah, he?s been getting real active with ? that?s another thing, you could have a sibling meeting here, you know.? He didn?t get active for a while and all of a sudden he?s like really into it now.? He?s doing a lot of sibling stuff.? He leads our meeting here in the group.? My other two sons, they really didn?t know Lori, you know.? They met her but they really didn?t know her and I really don?t think, they don?t grieve her, you know what I mean?? They really didn?t know Lori.? I?m sure they definitely feel bad about what happened and all.
H:?And what about with Keith?? Did you feel like you had to help him, like support him through his grieving process or did he grieve more by himself or what did that look like since he was a sibling?
B:?He kind of talked more to his mom, but I watch him all the time.? He kind of keeps things to himself.
H:?Now how old is Keith now, Babe?
B:?Thirty-one he?s gonna be.
H:?Okay, he?s 31 and he lives with you and Michele.? Now what I?m wondering is do you think one of the reasons he?s still living at home is because Michele and you had the death of Lori?
B:?I don?t think so.? I think it?s just his situation in life, the way school went and everything.? He?s getting married next year.? He?ll have his own house soon.
G:?Yeah, I think one of the things that Heidi?s talking about is sometimes we work with kids at The Compassionate Friends National Conference who?ve had siblings and particularly.? Now, Keith was an only child, right, after Lori died?
B:?Right, exactly.
G:?So they become an only child and the pressure becomes on them and some of them do talk about staying a little bit close to mom and staying home to give support.
H:?Right.? Some of them would want to be around the family after something like this has happened and want to stay a little closer to home than maybe they would have otherwise.
B:?I don?t think Michele would ever want him to leave, you know.? She?d keep him here forever if it was up to her.? That would be okay.? I don?t care.
G:?As a stepparent, what did you do for Keith after Lori died?
B:?I don?t think anything really special.? Just being myself.? I had to learn how to love Keith.? I really didn?t know him until he started to live with us really, you know.? He?s completely different than what I was used to.? But I knew he was hurting the same thing like Michele, losing his sister.? You just try to love these people, you know, and try to do the right thing.? Try not to let them get away with too much but just be there for him when he did need me.? Like I said, he kind of keeps to himself.
G:?That?s such a good point about not letting them get away with too much because that?s another thing we?ve seen as therapists and also when talking about families is sometimes when a child dies, do you let your other children get away with a little more than they should and it?s not particularly good for them because they need structure.
B:?Exactly.? That?s a good point, too.
G:?So you provide some of that structure.? Now he didn?t live with you when Lori died?
B:?Uh, yeah, he did.? He did live with us.? He was up in college.? No, we got the call that night.? Yeah, he lived with me.? He talks to his dad a lot, too, you know.? I guess his dad helps him on it with that.? I don?t really get involved in what they got going on between themselves especially when it comes to Lori.
H:?So it sounds like you?re there when they need you but when they need their space, you?re able to back off and give them their space also.?
B:?Yeah, I learned that a long time ago.? That?s just who I am, you know.
H:?And you?re not trying to fix the problems.? You?re just there loving them, be there with their grief.? You?re there to support them.
B:?Right.
G:?So Heidi and I talk about it in a way of not ? try not to interrupt the grief even though it may be hard to see your spouse grieving.? It?s important not to interrupt it.? We?re coming up on break now.?
When we went to break, you had just ? during break you told us about a prayer that you have.? I think we should call it the stepparent prayer.? That?s a great prayer and I wondered if you wanted to give that to our folks.
B:?Yeah, it was just something that I picked up along the way.? God please keep one hand on my shoulder and the other one over my mouth.? A lot of times you want to say something and you just ? I shouldn?t have said that, you know.
G:?Or just saying things will be better and don?t worry about it and all that kind of thing.
H:?And you?ll get over it.
G:?Yeah, you?ll get over it and it?ll be all right and that?s interruptive to grief.? I think just not saying anything, don?t you think? and just being there?
H:?it interrupts grief and it?s disrespectful.
B:?That?s another thing you find out in The Compassionate Friends.? All the stupid things people say to you.? They really don?t realize what they?re saying half the time.
G:?Right and then getting them the forgiveness.
B:?Yup.? That?s big issues.? Big issues.
G:?Well, you were also telling us that when you have your chapter meetings which are what, twice a month?? And you have quite a group.? What, do you have about 100 or something?
B:?We get 50 people at the meeting, most meetings.
G:?And sometimes you break up into men?s groups you?ve told us because men have different issues.
H:?We want to know what you men are thinking.
G:?We want to know what men are talking about in those groups.
B:?Mostly about you women, you know?? Arnie is Varda?s husband.? Varda?s the other group leader.? And he kind of runs the men?s meeting.? It?s good to get away every now and then because the men do have different issues.? Basically the same but they have things they like to talk about with the men, yelling and screaming and cursing, whatever.
H:?What kind of issues do you see coming up, Babe, in general?
B:?Uh, I think a lot of the men really worry about their wives, you know.? They?re worried about their wives and sometimes the wives aggravate them.? Sometimes they don?t.? It?s a lot of dealing with that.? A lot of the men deal with court issues and just controlling themselves in the courtroom ? people that have been murdered or whatever, they come into our group and let all that out.? Better than getting arrested in the court room because you definitely want to go in there and kill somebody.
H:?So it?s a place that they can express themselves openly, your group is.? Do the men ever feel like they have to hide their grief so that they can be strong for their wives? their spouses?
B:?I think some of them are like that.? Some of them they like to put on that strong front.? They?re not supposed to cry and all that kind of stuff but they learn quickly that we?re allowed to cry.
G:?And so in your men?s group you might even have some yelling.
B:?Yeah, it?s just a way to get stuff out.? You?re in the house, you don?t want to go crazy yelling and screaming.? It?s great to do it at our meeting.? You can do whatever you want there.
H:?And I think it would be validating because I imagine some of the men are yelling and getting angry and the other men are saying I feel the same.? I?m mad, too.? I?m really mad.
B:?Yeah.
G:?Now do you see the men in the group as having different stepparent issues than the women who are stepparents?
B:?Uh.? I?m trying to think if we have any stepmoms.? Actually we have a brand new woman who came the other night was a stepmom.? We really don?t know her yet.
G:?But you have more stepdads than moms.
B:?Yeah, we have more stepdads than moms really.
H:?That?s interesting.
B:?The guys that I know are all ? the women, no.? I really don?t know any stepmoms.? I?ll probably get ? Michele will tell me later, I can?t believe you said that, but I can?t recall off hand.
H:?As a stepparent, Babe, do you guys ever feel in your men?s group that your loss has been unacknowledged?? That people don?t recognize your loss as a loss because you were the stepparent?
B:?I think some guys do.? I really don?t worry about things like that because they?re not really important to me what is going to come pat me on the back, but I don?t know, a lot of guys I think worry about that.
H:?Because I know as a sibling, I felt like my loss was unacknowledged and I kind of look at the stepparents and think maybe they could be going through some of the same stuff as I?m going through where the focus is always on the biological parent.? Oh, wow, it must have been really hard for Michele.? It must be really hard for your spouse.? What about me?? That?s how I feel as a sibling.? It?s hard for everybody in different ways for different reasons.
B:?It?s funny, when we sat shiva for Lori at the house here, four days later one of her best girlfriends caught me in the hallway and she looked at me.? She said, oh my God, I forgot all about you, you know.? And she gave me a big hug like.? And I wasn?t even thinking about it up until that point, you know.
H:?I love that she said that.
B:?That?s why I?m glad the National Conference, even like this one coming up in Oklahoma, I?ll call somebody to make sure there?s some kind of stepsession there because there?s a lot of stepparents that go to the conferences and if there?s not something for them, they?re lost there, you know.
G:?Right.? That?s a great thing to do.
B:?They had a workshop actually last year.? Usually they have sharing sessions.? This year they had a workshop, which is nice.
G:?And that conference will be in Oklahoma City, I think it?s July 20, 21, I?m not sure.
B:?Right near the end of July this year.
G:?Yeah, I think it?s the 20th and 21st and there?ll be hundreds of workshops and it?ll be a wonderful program so we hope you?ll join us there and I know Babe will be there.? You should look him up if you come.? It?s time for us to go to our break again.?
Well, Babe, when we went to break, we were talking about being a stepparent, and we were talking about the fact that there aren?t a lot of stepmothers at your program, and Heidi was commenting that you actually brought Michele.? I was saying, because I think women tend more to find the group and bring the husband along, and yet you found the group and brought Michele along, and we want to commend you for that.
H:?Absolutely, I love that.? I feel like women reach out for social support and men often don?t.? I love that you reached out to others and reached out to this group.
G:?Yeah, and I know you did it to get Michele some support and to give you support because it does give a lot of support to you because there?s a lot of pressure on a stepparent, I?m sure, to support the spouse even though they have lost their stepchild also.? As you said for some people, they?ve known the child longer than others or been more involved so it is a lot of pressure to have that happen.? I often wondered as a parent, my husband and I, it was our son, and I often wondered if it would be easier if it was a stepparent because sometimes I wished I had somebody that could support me more because we?re suffering the same loss and it?s just too heavy duty.? So, anyway, I wondered, I know one of the prayers that you said that supported you is ? is it the AA prayer?
H:?The serenity prayer, right?
G:?The serenity prayer, right.
B:?The serenity prayer, yeah.
G:?Could you give it to our audience because I think it?s such a great prayer.
B:?Do you want me to say it?
G:?Yeah.
B:?All right.? God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.? There?s a couple of other lines in that but they usually don?t say it.? Those are the lines they say.
H:?I love that.? That?s very powerful.
G:?That is wonderful for people out there especially during the holidays because it?s a tough time.? It?s a tough time for stepparents and parents and for everyone who?s had a loss, these traditions, and they?re difficult.? Have you got any thoughts for stepparents during the holidays and newly bereaved?
B:?First of all, I?d like to thank my group because they helped us a lot.? I just hope that whoever?s out there listening tries to really find The Compassionate Friends because that?s the only place to go.? We have people come to our group after six years, seven years sometimes.? They think they?re going nuts.? At Compassionate Friends there?s so much to identify with there.? You?ve just got to come to a meeting and give it a chance.
H:?So you can go on the website of Compassionate Friends and they?ve got tips about the holidays and how to get through them and how to be supported through them and also we have some information on our blog, www.thegriefblog.com, on getting through the holidays.? Well, Babe, this is our last break, and did you have something you wanted to say to our audience before we close?? A piece of advice?? Thoughts?
B:?Just tell them to hang in there.? It?s a tough time of the year, but like they say, this too shall pass.? You?ll get through it.? Sometimes thinking about the holiday and anticipating what?s going to happen, this is worse than the actual days.? Before you know it, you?re past it and sometimes you worry for nothing.
G:?That?s a great point that the holidays, for those who celebrate Christmas, it?s one day, for the Hanukkah, different things, but it does pass.
H:?And the anticipation is often worse as Babe said.
G:?That?s a very good point.? We want to get support to all you stepparents out there and hang in, right, Babe?
B:?Yeah.
H:?And we know you?ve all suffered a loss as well.
G:?Absolutely.? We know it?s a huge loss for you and please stay in contact with us about it.? If you have any comments about it, email us and I?m sure Babe would be glad to respond to you, too.? Well, Babe, thanks so much for being on the show.
B:?Thanks for having me.?
H:?Thanks, Babe.
G:?It?s great to talk to you and we?re going to look forward to seeing you at the conference and again for everybody out there, don?t forget, we?ll all be lighting our candle this Sunday at 7:00 p.m. around the globe and writing in The Remembrance Book.? So it?s time to close our show.? I?m your host Dr. Gloria Horsley and our next guest next week will be Alison Smith and the topic will be My Brother, My Best Friend.? In 1984, when Alison Smith was only 15 years old, her adored brother Roy died in a car accident.? Alison went on to write a memoir called ?Name All the Animals? which was a New York Times Notable Book and was named one of the top ten books of 2004 by People magazine.? Don?t miss this show.? Our show is archived on our blog, www.thegriefblog.com as well as www.thecompassionatefriends.org website and www.health.voiceamerica.com.? This is Dr. Gloria Horsley and
H:?Dr. Heidi Horsley.
G:?Please stay tuned again next Thursday at 9:00 Pacific Standard Time, 12:00 Eastern, for more of Healing the Grieving Heart, a show of hope and renewal and support.? Remember others have been there before and made it.? You can, too.? You need not walk alone.? Thanks for listening.? I?m Dr. Gloria Horsley
H:?and I?m Dr. Heidi Horsley.? Babe, Lori is gone but not forgotten.? She continues to touch lives through all the work that you and Michele do and she lives on forever in your hearts.? Thank you, Babe.
B:?Thank you.

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