Do We Ever ‘Get Over’ the Death of a Child?

By Anne Dionne –

There was a time when I believed that people should “get over” their grief by the 12th month following a loss. After all, isn’t that what our society believes to be true?

In the summer of 1976, I was employed by a doctor in a medical office building. There were several other offices on our floor, and at noon time, I would meet with some of the other doctors’ employees for lunch. One woman, whom we called Gracie, had lost her 16-year-old son two years prior in a drowning accident. Each day at lunch break, Gracie would speak about Lloyd almost as if he hadn’t died. She would tell us stories about him and share her favorite memories.

Quite frankly, the rest of us thought she was a little over the top and we grew tired of hearing the stories. One day, she shared that she had not touched his bedroom since he had died two years before-the bed wasn’t made, and his clothing lay in the same place as he had left them on the day that he died.

Well, let me tell you that we were all flabbergasted, to say the least! “Isn’t this pathetic?” we lamented. We were certain that Gracie would be ready to be locked up in a mental institution if she didn’t receive immediate psychological attention.

Fast forward to May of 2001. I was the mother of a 19-year-old son who had lost his life in an automobile accident two days prior. As I prepared for his funeral, I couldn’t get Gracie off my mind. I hadn’t thought about her since I left my old job in 1976. I wanted to look her up and offer an apology. “Now,” I thought, “I get it.”

Here I am now, seven years after my son died. How long will it take for me to “get over it?” Well, I’m amazed that I am still here-that I didn’t die when my son died. Only someone who has experienced a devastating loss can truly understand what that means.

Yes, I have joy in my life again. Yes, my life and relationships are stable and I function normally again. I’ve come a long way since the days of lying on the cemetery grass near my son’s gravesite in tears while talking and singing to him. Yes, I hope that I am graced with a long and healthy life. Am I over it? The clear answer is, “No.”

I will never be over it, nor would I want to be over it. I keep my son’s memory alive in my heart and soul. I believe that his body died, but his spirit lives on, and that gives me peace and purpose for living. His picture is still on my bedroom wall, and I occasionally wear his sweats. And if I ever find Gracie, we will have a real heart-to-heart talk over a nice warm cup of tea.

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Anne Dionne

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Anne Dionne has been actively involved with The Compassionate Friends (TCF) organization since the death of her son, Michael, in 2001. She currently serves as Coordinator of TCF Online Support Community. She has been a workshop presenter at the National Conference of The Compassionate Friends for the past three years. Anne is a registered nurse, wife and mother. She co-authored the grief book, Every Step of the Way: How Four Mothers Coped with Child Loss, and was a guest presenter on the web-radio series, “Healing the Grieving Heart.” Anne continues to share her personal story of loss and hope with various church groups and local communities through writing and public speaking. It is in reaching out to help others that Anne finds healing and recovery through her own grief journey. Anne was a guest on the radio show “Healing the Grieving Heart” talking about “How Four Mothers Cope with Loss.” To hear Anne being interviewed on this show by Dr. Gloria & Dr. Heidi Horsley, click on the following link: www.voiceamericapd.com/health/010157/horsley090706.mp3

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  • Debbie says:

    Thank you so much for writing this because 2 years after losing my only child Jennifer, I still feel that she is with me and I don’t want that feeling to ever go away. She was the victim of a murder/suicide and I wasn’t there to tell her good bye and I loved her and the only way I get through days is to tell her everyday how much she means to me. She was 31 when she died and left me 2 beautiful granddaughters but they will never replace the love in my heart for my only child.

  • This article is very timely. My 18 years old son Joel passed away unexpectedly 14 months ago and I haven’t touched his room. I go in there and remember him sitting at his computer and listening to his music, which he loved, but find it very hard to look at his clothes still in the cupboard and all his precious things. Like you, before the loss of our sons, I also would have had similar thoughts about Gracie but now I fully understand that people don’t understand what you go through. One of my favourite quotes is “Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.” Even if it’s not as traumatic as losing a child, everyone is going through something, and through my tragic loss I have more compassion for others, but of course still miss Joel so much and will never be the same.

  • karen says:

    Thank you for writing this article. My oldest daughter christina died March 18, 2007 of advanced stages of scleroderma and she had it from age 11 years old and i just get over the feelings and her never coming home again. I have been told by many family members get over it, she would not want you to be sad, and the list goes on and on. The most worst feeling i have is when i do want to talk about her everyone changes the subject. My youngest daughter who is 9 years old is having a very difficult time this year dealing with her sister being gone forever, they where as close as two sisters possible be and now it is worst than before.

  • alecia thurston says:

    I just recently loss my son, christopher. Each day gets a little better by the grace of God. Our son was performing on stage when he collapsed and could not be revived. His wedding day was to be November 22nd.

    Chris was a wonderful, loving, respectful son who left a fantastic legacy. We are blessed that whenever we want to hear our son or see him perform, we just go to the many websites that honor him and what he;s done through his music.

    He and his fiance did marry on October 17th, which appeared to be God’s infinite hand moving things along as God already saw down the road what was to be.
    Am I angry at God? Not, not at all. For whatever reason, God allowed Chris to leave this earthly motel, and I have no doubt in my mind that my husband and I will know God’s purpose and plan.

    Is it difficult to move aheand – climb back into that saddle called life? Yes, indeed.
    But my husband and I are not alone; we have God and the angels he dispatches to help us through each and every day. My comfort and strength comes from the Almighty, our real parent. Chris is now awaiting his return; he is with his real Father. My husband and I know that we will see Chris again; we still have Chris; we just have him in a different way.

    My husband and I look forward to the pain going away – not the memories. The memories will forever be on our hearts. Chris has only gone away for a moment.

  • beverly templeton says:

    My heart goes out to you that have lost a child. I too have lost a child. It will be 9 yrs. on the 12th of Dec. of this year. He was 17 and my only child. It does get a little easier as time goes by,but to tell you the truth the hurt feelings come back more around the anniversary and the holidays. It took my awhile to go through his things. I still have one of his hats and one of his shirts and pants that was in his clothes basket. When I got home and the next day I went into his room and put those in a plastic bag and tied it in a knot. To this day I haven’t untied the bag. I have given some of his things away but I only give it away if I pick it up and it doesn’t bother me. If I have the least bit feelings about it I keep it. I have a whole hope chest of his things. The things that I have are the best things with the memories with. I do have a whole in my heart that has taken up half of my heart and I feel that it will never be filled till I get to heaven and see him again. He was in a car accident. I had just talked to him a couple of hours before the accident I am so glad that I called him and told him that I LOVE YOU. Because that was the last time I got to talk to him. I am glad that I found this because I have been down and with the anniversary coming up I have wanted to get this of my heart. So don’t let anyone tell you to get over it. It takes time and I am still trying to move on. Sorry I have taken so much time. If anyone knows of a site that has it to where you can chat about this please let me know.

  • beverly templeton says:

    Karen I too know what it is like when you want to take about your daughter. When I was working people just like avoid talking or asking about your daughter. It helps to talk. If you hold it in it seems to be harder at least in my eyes. As for the family telling you to get over it. Until they have walked in your shoes they don’t know what it is like. I pray that they never do. I go under dealing with the death of a child and they have places to go and read up on things. They also have something about talking to children or siblings about death. Maybe there is something that you can find to help you out to help you. My love and prayers goes out to you and your family. I have been told that my son would not want me to be sad but there is times that we just can’t through.

  • kirk says:

    I lost my son 6 months ago.I have no life lift.He was me only better.I know that every one thinks that there child is the best. Kyle was smart nice looking and funny.He was my son and my friend.We drag race together foe 7 years.He was my right hand.
    Every one could not believe how we got along. I have to go to work
    If you read this pray for me I need a reason to live

    Kirk Journey

  • Anne Dionne says:

    Dear Kirk,
    My heart goes out to you in the loss of your dear son and friend Kyle.
    I am saying a prayer for you to find peace through the suffering. When
    our 19-year-old son was killed in a car wreck, my husband thought his world
    had come to an end. Our son (Mike) and my husband were best friends, and they worked together in the family business. They rebuilt cars together, and did so many things together. I really worried about my husband because I know he felt so devastated, just like you feel. We are further down the path of grief now,
    7 years. My husband, although he will always feel the pain of our loss, is doing so much better now. It takes a lot of time, but it’s really worth staying in the game.
    If I may, I’d like to offer you a “reason to live.” That reason is your son, Kyle.
    The legacy of our children lives on in us. As long as we live, they too live.
    Last night our family was at a restaurant having dinner, and a young lady came up to our table. She introduced herself and started talking about our son. She said that she graduated in 2000 with Mike. She told us that she remembers coming to our house when they were seventh-graders. I was so grateful for someone to say his name after seven years that he’s been gone. You see, as long as people see and know us, they will always remember our sons.

  • Pearl says:

    This is helpful to me, my son was 41 his untimely death is so hard for me, every morning I awaken I think of him , I try not to go to the grave to often I cry uncontrolably, it has been over two months.
    It helps knowing my son knew I love him dearly and that I understood him.
    I know I will never get over it until I am gone.

    • Caroline says:

      Dear Pearl,
      My heart is broken also, I lost my 36yr son. I think about him everyday of my life and I still cry. We were buddies, he knew that I loved him unconditionally, and I know that he loved me.It’s been 3yrs but the pain is still there. I will not be happy until we meet again in heaven. I hope you are well and coping better. I understand all that you feel…..with love Caroline

  • Conni says:

    I know your pain , I live it everyday my daughter Consuela(24) was riding with a woman 48 and her sister . The woman had no driver lic. from other dui’s . The woman turned in front of 18 wheeler killing my daughter and har sister. She is still alive herself and has not been in jail one day yet. We are still waiting for the law to do the right thing here. I have for over a year now my daughter was killed nov-03-2007, The law does not talk to me about this I have not been told anything so closer has not come yet. I just keep praying and I will keep you all there in our prayers also . wITHOUT GOD I COULD NOT GO ON. My Sunshine is gone .
    GOD BLESS YOU ALL
    Conni Walley

  • Pearl says:

    Here I am almost 4 months after my sons death ,it is still hard ,I was doing better, yesterday I received the results of internal affairs report ,reading all the details is having me relive his death as if it happen yesterday .
    yes emotionally I am back to square one .
    pray for me !

  • Anne Dionne says:

    Dear Pearl,
    I will say a special prayer for you. It’s very difficult in the beginning to not
    re-live the memories of all the details of our loss over and over and over again.
    I certainly did that many hundreds of times when my son died seven years ago.
    My grief therapist said something one day which really helped me. She reminded me that Michael died one time only, and not the thousands of deaths that I have imagined for him. For some reason, that one thought helped me a lot. Each time I re-lived the details of his death, I would remind myself again–he died only once.
    I know how hard this is for you because I have been there, too. There are no easy answers, but it may be helpful to know that we will survive this, and that others truly understand what we go through.
    Peace,
    Anne

    • Caroline says:

      Yes Ann, our sons died once, that is what I’m doing reliving that horrible night…..I must remember ONCE…God bless you..Caroline

  • Daine says:

    I too lost my child. Michael was home from medical school for the Thanksgiving holiday and to be the bestman in a wedding. He was killed in a single car accident. All my hopes and dreams for him gone. It’s been 2 years and 2 months since he died. My heart is still broken.

  • lynne lawrence says:

    I have just found this site and are very grateful i have. I lost my beautiful 19year old daughter Dec 12th 2008 her death was very quick she dies in my arms 15 minutes after getting out of the bath. the autopsy showed sepsis, bronical neumonia and emphya and yet she showed no sign of illness. she was a lovely girl training to be a nurse, Ifeel suicidal, cry all day Ijust want to be with her pleasecan someone tell me if this torment gets any better
    lynne

  • Anne Dionne says:

    Dear Lynne,
    I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter. A loss such as this is very painful, as you well know. It’s not uncommon for grieving parents to feel like they want to be with their child who has died. If, however, someone makes plans for that to happen, then they should seek help immediately.
    That being said, your loss is very recent. It’s not uncommon to cry often and to feel
    profoundly saddened and overwhelmed by the loss for quite some time. There is no time table that fits everyone. Each person who grieves is different. The intense pain that bereaved parents feel in the early stages of grief does get better over time. It may be helpful for you to find a bereavement support group where you can share your feelings with other parents who have walked in your shoes. You may want to try The Compassionate Friends in your area (to find a local group, call the national office at 1-877-969-0010. The organization has helped many thousands of bereaved parents like yourself. Their motto is “We Need Not Walk Alone.”
    Hang in there. It will get better over time.

  • Lori says:

    2 weeks ago my 25 year old son died, everyday is filled with ups and downs.
    I expect that this will go on for a long time.
    I pray for everyone that has lost a child, it is a group that I hoped never to belong to.
    God Bless and keep us all strong day by day

  • Linda Torma says:

    This article is so meaningful, I may share it with others so they have a better understanding of what it feels like to grieve the loss of a child. My son Joe died on Sept. 30. 2006 from an accidental drug overdose. He was 26. A fine young man. Loving, caring, family oriented, loyal…..strong, funny, the best of the best. My heart is broken forever, I miss him everyday and quite frankly I don’t know how I haven’t died from the pain of losing him. I have been quiet about Joe, keeping the pain to myself, sharing only with those who’ve experienced similar loses because I have found that people, co-workers, are so hard on those of us who grieve, who are sad, who have suffered this type of tragedy. I too still sit by my son’s grave sight every week to talk, pray, and cry. Joe is a part of me, and want his memory with me forever – I will never get over it. Nor will I ever allow someone to say those words to me again. I have a daughter who is expecting our first grandson in May 2009. My children were my life, my pride and jmy joy,. My daughter ‘s love has been my saving grace. Our grandson , I pray, will bring joy to my family who has suffered so very much – just as the other s who have shared here. My prayers are with all parents who have lost a child – my heart is with you.

  • Maria Palomino says:

    I lost my son on jan.26,2008,Five days before my birthday.I had all his baby things ready for when he came home.He died inside of me on the 25th. I got to see his last 2 heart bets.I go to the cementry every weekend.I lost a very big part of me.I feel life has no meaning even thogh I try to go on.Reading about people who know what i am going through helps.God bless all of you and your love ones.

  • No, we never get over the loss of our child or children. Thank you for this lovely piece. Where we lost our Katie at 28 years old after a ten year up and down battle with brain tumors, I have a friend in my “Mothers Finding Meaning Again” support group who lost two children. Our Katie used to say that someone always has it worse.

    So we cling together. We hold one another. We give one another hope we Make Every Day Matter.

    Kind regards to everyone and peace to us, too,
    Mary Jane

  • Anita Cody says:

    I know firsthand that you never,NEVER, get over the loss of a child.My worst nightmare began on the morning of 5/31/06 around 7:20 a.m..It was the Mem. Wknd & all of our friends & family were here for our local festivities.Some had the stomach flu.That nite,Tues. my daughter & husband were up vomiting.My husband said he checked on our daughter around 4:30 that morning, she felt nauseous & tired,Well we walked into her room to chk on her,Thus started the greatest nightmare any parent can imagine.She had vomited in her sleep,on her back,& aspirated,resulting in resp, failure(I was an EMT for 32 yrs,so I knew immediately)My husband started CPR while I called 911.The rest is a blur of AirLife and a hosp. 2 hrs away,I don’t even remember the drive.-She was only 16 had just finished her junior yr & had a promising future ahead of her.She was the only girl in our family,I thankfully have a wonderful son & my brother has 4 boys,3 of which lived w/my parents & us thru HS.My husband who has been totally disabled since 1995 is literally dying fr, greif.It took us 14 yrs 2 concieve her & 5 yrs to concieve our son.They were & are our life.On top of that,it threw us into fin. devestation because we had no ins. or extra money.That is minor in comparison,but also an added hardship,along w/husbands med. bills.Will there ever be a time when we will be happy again?I don’t see it now.My heart aches more each day.I look frwd to Heaven,when we will be together again.My faith is my stronghold.W/out it I would not have been able to go on.-GBU all who r going thru such tragedy,u w/b in my prayers.Sincerely,Anita

  • Tracy says:

    I lost my 13 year old son 3 years ago this May. He was watching the trains go by at an intersection with a friend. They didn’t see the fast train coming behind them. (They rode a four wheeler up there – He was supposed to be at his friend’s house – I had no idea…) Some days are better than others. I am having one of those days wondering if I will ever get better… Holidays are terrible. My oldest son still struggles so much. He’s the one who received the phone call that evening… Cell phones – his friends knew before we did. If anyone is out there who has any coping ideas…please respond…

    • Michele Spencer says:

      I understand the part about the cell phones. Rebecca’s brother had gotten a phone call from one of his friends who happened to be one of the volunteer firemen on the scene. He already knew it was really bad and she was being airvaced to Oklahoma City, before we even got there. If you got any responses about coping ideas I would really appreciate it if you would share those with me. I don’t know how to deal with this kind of pain.

  • Corinne Ruiz says:

    There is nothing more painful than losing your child. My daughter Olivia died April 22, 2004 at the age of 14. My life changed April 12, 2004. I went into Olivia’s bedroom the morning to wake her for school. I found her not breathing. I started screaming and my son came running into the room. I called 911, while my son tried to calm me down and listen to the operator on what to do. The ambulance finally arrived but it was one hour before Olivia’s heart started beating. My daughter was airlifted to the Childrens Hospital in Los Angeles. The doctors were not sure why a healthy 14 year old would just stop breathing. After a few days they knew why. Olivia had Long QT Syndrome, a heart condition, and I never knew. Olivia was kept alive with a breathing machine for 10 days. I knew she would never come back to me. April 22, Olivia became an Angel. Soon after my daughter’s death, I found out that my son started using drugs to numb the pain of losing his sister. He became addicted to heroin and is not serving one year. I feel as though I have lost both of my children. My home was once filled with loud music, laughter, friends always over and now it is empty. I could not remove anything from Olivia’s room until recently. I packed everything very carefully and put them away. I have not removed her makeup or personal items from her bathroom…I just can’t. I go into my son’s room and it still has his smell. I wish that Olivia’s room still had her smell but it is long gone.

    As for my holidays this year, they are filled with much pain and sadness. I will forever have a broken heart. I continue to pray for my son. I pray that God will release him from his addiction. I continue to pray for God’s strength to carry me on the days I feel I can’t go on. My faith has grown but God knows my pain and the tears I continue to cry.

    Peace and Blessings to all.

    Corinne,
    Olivia and Manuel’s mom

  • Michele Spencer says:

    On November 1, 2009, my 19 year old daughter, Rebecca was killed in an automobile accident less than two miles from our house. We pulled up as the helicopter lifted off & then we drove the hour or so to Oklahoma City where she was pronounced dead. We still have her trailer as it was. We go there almost every day. We are all back to work but the pain is overwhelming some days. I don’t know how to move on or get past this. I buried my mom, who was also my best friend on October 4, 2009. I don’t have her to turn to for comfort. I struggle every day to get out of bed. Life will never be the same again. How do you move on? Just today, a woman called my office and asked how my daughter, Becca was doing. I’m living in a fog.

    • nuala says:

      hi michelle. i just wanted to reply to you and say that there are no hard and fast rules for moving on, nor are there easy ones, unfortunately! people tell me time heals..i’m not sure i believe that. but your time will become filled with other things..that may be hard to understand & accept now..but it does. its not a bad thing and it doesnt mean you forget or dont have bad days, it just allows you to live. life never will be the same because now it is different..your hearts aches, your minds wonders, your spirit sinks. although going to work is hard it can give you a slight sense of normality..something to focus on for a bit of time. talk about your daughter for she is part of your life. your mother and daughter are there to help you..you won’t hear their voice but you’ll have their guidance. make time to see other people for some days can be very lonely. take life one day at a time..expect bad days & appreciate good ones. my name is nuala, on november 18, 2008, i woke and found my baby boy dead, his name is ciaran, he was 18days old. for every tear you cry..find a smile to go with it.

  • Pam says:

    In memory of April Christel Roach-Patterson
    Our Beloved Daughter
    April 10, 1976 – March 1, 2008
    I know you are riding a shooting star tonight!
    Mom

    Loss is the hardest thing…
    But it is The Teacher…..and that is the hardest thing to ignore.
    Grief can destroy you…
    Or focus you.
    You can decide that a relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in death..and you are left all alone.
    Or..
    You can realize that every moment of it had more meaning than you dared to recognize at the time…
    So much meaning that it scared you.
    So….
    You just lived,
    Just took for granted the love and laughter of each day
    And never allowed yourself to consider the sacredness of it.
    But…
    When it was over and you are alone….
    You begin to see…..
    It wasn’t just a movie or dinners together,
    Washing clothes, checking homework, swimming on sunny days
    Not..Just watching sunsets, scrubbing floors together or worrying about
    a high electric or phone bill.
    IT WAS EVERYTHING.
    IT WAS THE WHY OF LIFE…..
    Every event and every precious moment of it.

    The answer to the mystery of existence is the love you shared sometimes so imperfectly….
    And when the loss wakes you to the deeper beauty of it…
    To the sanctity of it…
    You can’t get off of your knees…
    FOR A LONG TIME….
    You’re driven to your knees not by the weight of the loss…..
    But….by what preceded the loss.

    And the ache is always there…..
    But…one day – Not the emptiness.
    Because….
    To nurture the emptiness…
    To take solace in it…
    IS TO DISRESPECT THE GIFT OF LIFE.

    r daughter April 10,1976 – March 1, 2008

    The Loss of A Child – A Journey of Pain and Learning to Celebrate the Memories…
    (Can’t wait to see you again- baby girl!)
    But we have learned to dance again! Just for You!

  • Terry Betis says:

    On the morning of oct.27 2009 my daughter Jamie and her fifteen yr old son were murdered in their beds.Jamie was also 8 monthes pregnay with another son.who was to be named Joseph.I will never forget the phone call and the complete ache that started in my heart and has never gone away. Each day it just doesn’t seem real.I know we are lucky if i can use that word.Jamie’s murerders were all in custody within 48hrs.Now the long legal road has started,and we must deal with seeing these people in court and their families also.I never thought this was something i would be going through.There are times that i don’t feel like i should be complaining,for i am still here.My daughter and her two sons have lost the most. I try to think they are in a better place.I do not know how to get through this. And the up coming court dates are going to be so hard.I know my Jamie is with me at times, i feel her.

  • Maty says:

    I also lost my only son 2 years and 4 months ago , its devastating , as a parent i dont feel alive anymore , i only exist . Chris was only 20 years old when he passed away , and im finding it verry hard , specially cause im on my own . Please feel free to contact me om my email address , it would be nice to share with a parent who is going through this . Thanks . Maty

  • Amy says:

    My son Kelly, my two stepsons Roy and Nathan and my husband Roy were all killed by a drunk driver 6 1/2 months ago. After 20 years of a houseful of men, I’m alone. I count the blessings of a supportive church and great workplace that keep me going. The sadness is overwhelming; I miss them so very much.

  • Alicia says:

    Amy, I am so very sorry for all of these tragic losses. I am without words. I do not know what to say . I hope that in this pain you can still feel God’s love. I believe that He is with you and I hope that moment by moment you can find a little comfort. I lost my son 9 months ago and I am trusting God to lead me because I am overwhelmed also. I can not imagine your pain and hope that you reach out to everyone around you for help. I’ll keep you in my prayers, Alicia

  • janice says:

    i lost my son christopher 4 months ago in a house fire. he was only 25 years old . i want to know can you ever be happy again after a death of a child. some days are better then others, but never the same.he left me 2 beautiful grand children who me and my husband ,his sisters ,and brother loves very much. chris was a spark of sunshine in my life. he was a wonderful person ,with a terrific heart and loved his family dearly ,as we all love him and always will. i cant bring out pictures of our chris yet because to look at pictures and know he has pas is to painful for us at this time. maybe as time goes on we will be able to put some pictures of chris out.tell me what should we do to ease this horrific pain other then depend on god first and foremost to carry us through this storm.i will never forget my chris .

  • Teri says:

    As you all know, the grief at the death of a child is beyond anything you could ever imagine. At times it hits like a tidal wave and consumes you to the point that you feel as if you are going insane.
    My son J.P. died October 10, 2009. We had just moved into a rental 3 days previous after we had lost our home and business. My husband and I always said as long as we have our children we could survive anything. J.P. was the youngest of 5 and, he was the icing on the cake. A loving and kind young man who was always upbeat with a ready joke to tell all, and forever seeing the good in impossible situations. The joy of my life! I found him dead in his bed at 9:30 on Sunday morning October 11, 2009. My beautiful son with the most expressive soft brown eyes you can imagine. Ed, my husband and I clung together for support but it was so hard. Ed died 4 months and 5 days after and I still can’t believe it. We had been married for 36 years. I have many pictures but I can’t bare to look at them. When I am dusting them I break down every time. I have not gotten rid of any of their belongings and sleep with a shirt from both of them every night. But I will say and so would Ed were he still alive, nothing is more horrendous than losing a child.
    Feel free to e-mail me if you’d like. I may not have any answers but I would be more than ready to lend an ear……..

  • Teri says:

    Sorry, I forgot to add my e-mail:
    tkastelz@comcast.net

  • Quyen Enslow says:

    A fan moves air regardless of what it was originally designed for.

  • Diana says:

    It saddens me so to read these messages. While I mourn for two children, a daughter who died due to preterm labor at 17 weeks, and a son, born 1 1/2 years later who only lived 2 weeks, I think of the very few memories I have and how are they are to deal with. I can imagine that pain is amplified when you get to know your children, spend time with them, hear them call you “mama.” I yearn for those things everyday…it’s just a different kind of loss, but I know how difficult it must be to have those things taken from you so unexpectedly. I am praying for you all, and hope you will pray for me, too. This month is especially hard as my son’s first birthday and d-day are coming up.

  • Santiago says:

    so its 2:02 am and i find me self sitting here reading comments on this web site looking for how to deal with the lose of my son … he was 5 weeks old and the reasons air filled my lungs on a day to day basis and i feel for every one on here that have lost a child. somedays i find my self thinking what could i have done what if that night i would have stayed up and just watched him sleep could i saved him or what if my wife had put him to bed would he still be there today… the hard part for me is that i find my self not having any one to talk to about my pain as i have to be strong for my wife and i have to put on a happy face when im out in the public as i feel no cares to hear your going tru. no one likes to hear about pain or lose. Alexander R. Hidalgo was so importent to me as i always wanted to be a dad and my dream was ripped out of my arms as well as my heart that morning i found him pasted way… in two day it will be 2 months of his passing and i fear the idea of someday wakeing up and having no memories of him. the one thing i want to know is will smiles ever fill the face of my wife ever again as it kills me to see her sad …

  • mita says:

    I lost my 23 year old son two weeks ago in a motorbike accident. He was about to graduate in college in a month when he joined our Creator. He was a promising young man, wise beyond his years. In August 2012, he went to the Philippines to volunteer in the floods and came back to university a changed man. He saw the poverty and wanted to make a difference by documenting everything he saw and expose other people’s trials during calamities. After becoming a yoga instructor on the side, he vowed to help others as his purpose in life. When we went to his apartment, we found a dozen journals, all filled with beautiful poems, anecdotes, and stories that he wrote. Everyone who gave us a hug told us how they were profoundly touched by my son. His mission has just started and he was taken up. Words may be comforting, but no one can really feel the depth of pain with the loss of a beautiful soul.

    The week he passed away, he wrote this last blog on FB:

    Live every moment as if it is your last.
    It may very well be.
    Live each and every moment,
    savor the gift of being alive!
    And after you have lived like this
    with each moment precious and unique,
    you will find your truth,
    you will find the beauty in this world,
    and you will have truly lived, instead of having just been alive.
    Live now!
    Live well :)

  • Tricia says:

    Tank you so much for posting this. About a year ago I lost my 3 year old daughter in an accident and I don’t think I will ever be able to “get over it”
    The loss of a child is something nobody should ever experience.

  • Liz philby says:

    My heart goes out to you all, I to lost my twenty year old son on October 13th 2009, he lost control on a bend and died at the scene, he was such a beautiful young man with so much to live for, our lives have changed forever and NO we will never recover from this, although we carry on daily the effect on our lives has taken a great joy from us. Adams room is also still the same, his t.shirt and boxers drawer I cannot bear to clear, I hug his t.shirts just to feel near to him, it feels as though life is now very hollow, the joy and excitement of a normal life is very difficult to muster. I have become very spiritual and have a good friend who is a medium, I have lots of contact with adam and he tells me he is very happy. One day we will be together again but until that time I have to live what is destined for me on this earth. Love and light to all. Xxxx