Episode 106: Too Young To Be A Widow with Michelle Miller, Patty Behrens, LMFT, Melissa Martinez and Dorina Gilmore

On this show Dr. Gloria and Dr. Heidi Horsley interview four bereaved spouses regarding the ups and downs of not only surviving but also thriving after the deaths of their husbands.  Michelle Miller is author of the memoir, “Boys, Booze, and Bathroom Floors: Forty-Six Tales about the Collision of Suicide Grief and Dating.”  Melissa Martinez and Donna Gilmore are part of a group founded by Marriage and Family Therapist and bereaved spouse, Michelle Miller, of the Care Connections ministry.  The show closes with Vi singing Surrender.

 

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  • We met in fort Irwin C.A. It was beautifully short lived “Us/we Michelle and I!” I was in the army we first met at the little club on post. The room was field with mainly guys and only a few women. Let me share with you how we met! “It was bliss!” I was sitting at the bar and had noticed that every guy in the room was making a pass at her (Michelle Miller) and her friend. Our eye’s met for a brief moment; but I was quick to turn away! For the 1st time in my life I felt as if the odds was against me! So I turned in my bar stool and hit up the bartender for a Smirnoff Ice with a hint of grenadine and chased it with a few shots of crown.Time and time again over the course of that evening; one guy after the next would step in line to shoot pool with her and attempt to talk game to Michelle. “But she wasn’t having it!” She had her eye’s locked in set to kill! It wasn’t too long after watching all the failed attempts by every guy in the room that “BOOM IT HAPPENED!” I felt a hand on my shoulder and I was turned around in my stool with a bit of force. Only to gaze eyes on a woman that had my heart, even before the first words had a chance to leave her mouth! I paused in awwwwh, it almost felt as if time stood still. Michelle had these amazing brown eyes that could look through a thunder storm or into a blue or pink lit sky and you would swear she could count the stars in heaven even when the sky was warmed by the suns rays! “Oh and to know her heart to truly know her heart then!” “She just as I “was” a hopeless romantic! In that moment as she turns me in my chair; Michelle said it so clearly and i will never forget! Michelle: ”WHY IS IT OUT OF ALL THE GUYS THAT KEEP HITTING ON ME!, THE ONLY GUY IN THE ROOM THAT I’M INTERESTED IN HAPPENS TO BE IGNORING ME!?” In a soft tone I told her, Leo: “I apologize but I didn’t feel I wanted to compete.” It happened so fast! Michelle grabbed my hand pulled me out of the chair and started pulling me (I almost tripped as one of my feet was being left behind!) cave man style towards the back door as she told me Michelle; “YOU NEVER HAD TO COMPETE!” Sadly I take ownership for being her first husband and being partially responsible for who she has become. I have read her book, it was very inspirational! But what I can say is there is always two sides too every coin! Those day’s are long behind me! However I have a few things to share as well. Perspective is key! One may write about how they felt about a situation while being married in the past based on their perspective! But key word is “married and marriage” Meaning we both have our own perspectives! I’m in the process of writing several books my self. I can honestly say that Michelle is and will forever be a amazing individual! She is the perfect mom for our child! If I could take it all back, I wouldn’t honestly change a thing! We live and learn! Sometimes we create our own demons or break a heart to the point to where it finds it self to become numb! But I have learned how you treat a person can cause waves and ripples into a future unforeseen! My past mistakes don’t define me, but it sure did leave a ever lasting impression on a individual that I once loved. Although this part of my past is behind me it doesn’t change the fact that my actions didn’t haunt a person to the point to where it forced (she changed) the ripples and waves to return to the very point in which they started. I recently lost my youngest sister to suicide! I miss her with all my heart! But I too have lots to share and hope that my writings and things I have gone through in past can help those that are in need of healing! As one heart became numb the other heart grew with the guilt of the past which left it with a everlasting impression to one day become the change we long to be for the world!