A reader writes: I’m not really sure how to explain how I feel after losing my ex-spouse a month ago—especially since he died the same day I was having major surgery. Consequently, I’ve had quite a few complications from my surgery since I started taking care of my two teenage boys and their grief the [...]
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Thanksgiving Eve ‘Miracle’ Service
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February 20, 2012
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The death of my son Adam in 1997 was (and still is) the most difficult thing I have ever had to face in my life. Adam died in August of 1997 in a firey airplane accident in New Richmond, WI. Little did I know, or could have imagined, that God would prepare my heart and [...]
The Storms of Grief
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February 17, 2012
1 Response
I sometimes feel like my mood is reflected in the weather, albeit differently now. Before Nina died, I used to dread those dreary cloudy days and felt my best when it was warm and the sun shone brightly. Physically and mentally, I could feel the difference. However, in the early years after Nina died, my [...]
Valentine’s Day Reminder
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February 16, 2012
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Valentine’s Day 1995: I had just sat down at my desk in my home office for a busy day work-wise when the phone rang. It was Nina calling me from Park High School. “Mom, you have to help me. I need to have something for Chris (her new boyfriend) for Valentine’s Day. I am pretty [...]
The Banister and the Book
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February 14, 2012
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A few years after the death of our son Adam, Linda and I made the decision to move from our little three-bedroom home and into a townhouse. We were depleted of energy, straining daily to understand and cope with our heavy grief. We wanted to run away from our sorrows, to escape the pain and [...]
A Valentine Wish for Bereaved Parents
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February 12, 2012
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Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone! I’ve listed for you some things you can do on this special day in memory of your child. Children always loved this holiday for its sweet cards, candy, stuffed animals and going out to eat. And I’m sure you will miss those moments when your child surprised you with that [...]
‘Iron Lady’ Touches Aging Widows’ Hearts
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February 11, 2012
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I just returned from seeing Meryl Streep’s remarkable performance as Margaret Thatcher in “Iron Lady,” for which she surely should win an Oscar. But she also should win that Oscar for touching aging widows’ hearts. Like Margaret, many of us went through our husband’s shoes, clothes, and treasures — along with old family photos — [...]
If Only
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February 10, 2012
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If only…… If only….. If only……. If only……… If only…….. Most everyone has their share in life of “if only’s.” If only I were better looking, more popular, made more money, lived in a better neighborhood, were more organized, creative, articulate, athletic, had grandchildren, had more faith, had my sister’s curly hair and long eyelashes. [...]
The First Clear Day Without Rain, Ten Years On
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February 8, 2012
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5,256,000! Over 5 million! That’s the number of minutes since my sister died…the minutes and moments she has missed out on in these past years. That’s a lot of time….ten years worth to be exact. Ten years ago, my only sister Tarnia was killed in a car accident. It was the first clear day without [...]
How I Surrendered to the Grief of Losing My Husband
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February 6, 2012
2 Responses
On February 4, 2009, I woke up to find that my husband had died in his sleep from an undetected heart condition. He was forty-nine years old. I was thirty-nine. It was the biggest shock of my life. The first two hours were a blur of emotion, pain, fear, shock, and denial. The next two [...]
Maintaining a Healthy, Healing Relationship after Death
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February 5, 2012
1 Response
Ken sat on the couch across from me, smiled and exclaimed, “I stopped it! The uncontrollable crying. I stopped it!” Just the week prior, I had been at a loss as the 59-year-old self-avowed “Momma’s boy” cried with an overpowering despair. He had been completely inconsolable over the death of his 82-year-old mother. As a [...]
Dealing With the Winter Blues
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February 4, 2012
1 Response
“I don’t feel good,” I said to my sister. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me or why…but I don’t.” The moment the words left my mouth, I had a revelation. I say the same thing, the same thing, every year at this time. I don’t know why. I truly don’t feel like it’s the [...]
The Boogie Man Isn’t Real, but Fear Is
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February 3, 2012
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You can’t see it. You can’t touch it. But the sensation of fear is very real. It is overwhelming and makes us do things that we would not normally do. When our confidence is shaken and we are thrust into a different personal direction, we naturally get a bit scared and unnerved. It is a [...]
Accepting What We Cannot Control
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February 1, 2012
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“Control yourselves!” How many times did my little brother and I hear that from our parents growing up? As we got older, no one expressed those sentiments to us because we had somewhat “learned” as children to control ourselves through parents, schools, jobs and relationships. I think there has to be some sort of balance [...]
How Can I Receive a Sign or Message?
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January 30, 2012
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When grief and pain are your daily companions, you have questions. We all ask many questions after a loved one dies. We want validation of and answers to these questions. This uncertainty is a part of our grief process but can there be comfort or relief in this process. We remember the close bond with [...]
New Year Offers Opportunities for Healing
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January 29, 2012
1 Response
Since our son’s death 21 years ago, I’ve observed or ignored New Year’s Day in a variety of ways depending on how hopeful I am feeling at the time. It’s probably not so different from anyone else facing the challenge of a loss, but for me, bringing in the new year on the 31st always [...]
A Winter’s Day in Grief
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January 29, 2012
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Today the ground is covered with last week’s snow and the air is a frigid 29 degrees below zero. There is no pretending winter is not here. Admittedly some people thrive in the winter. It is just their time of year. But for many the long winter months take a toll and contribute to feelings [...]
Seeing Signs of Deceased Son
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January 28, 2012
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As a public speaker and radio/TV show host, many people have asked me if I have ever “seen signs” of my son’s presence. It may seem like a simple question, but when you really start to think about it, the answer is very complicated — in a simple way. Yes. I “see signs.” Early in [...]
Serious Personal Illnesses After the Death of a Child
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January 27, 2012
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At the time of the death of our child, we think and feel that our world will certainly end and we often want to die and be ‘with our children’. It does not matter if we have a wonderful relationship with a spouse, surviving children, family members, friends or a career; we just want to [...]
On STUGs: Subsequent, Temporary, Upsurges of Grief
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January 26, 2012
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Have you ever come across a new word that strikes you as so good you wonder why you hadn’t heard of it before? Ive found a new grief word. STUG! Coined by Therese Rando, it just makes total sense and sounds a bit more upbeat than Grief Triggers. I’ve been STUGGED! (Subsequent, Temporary, Upsurge of [...]
A Letter to Suicide Survivors
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January 25, 2012
3 Responses
Dear Suicide Survivors: You are not alone. I know it feels that way, but I can assure you that there is help. I know you feel that no one can relate to what you’re going through, that your world is hopeless, and that your life will never be worth living. I understand. I felt the [...]
He is Missed
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January 24, 2012
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I was at the mall alone, returning a few things from the holidays, looking at clothes that the “experts” say are in style (did anyone really perfect the poncho look?), and generally just enjoying shopping without having to worry about whether or not my kids would knock over an entire display of purses…when something happened [...]
Finding Joy After Heartbreak
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January 21, 2012
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As we go through our day-to-day lives, we complain about work, kids, finances, etc. But what we keep forgetting to do is find joy every day. Not every day is a good day. Sometimes it seems like there is too much going on in life that you won’t be able to get it all done. This [...]
When You Want to Join Your Loved One in Death
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January 19, 2012
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Many of you have found your way to this oasis of hope by following a trail of tears. Many of you grieve. Many of you have suffered under the heavy burden of loss. You find camaraderie here. Understanding. Unity. Friendship. Compassion. But it doesn’t replace the son, daughter, lover, friend or sibling that is no [...]
Suicide Survivor Seeks Solace
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January 17, 2012
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Suzanne, the mother of a young woman who died from suicide, gave me permission to share her article. — Carol Loehr It has now been two years (November 16, 2009) since my sweet Jessica died from suicide. Each day, I fight back the tears of her loss and try to “get on with life,” but late [...]
