Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone! I’ve listed for you some things you can do on this special day in memory of your child. Children always loved this holiday for its sweet cards, candy, stuffed animals and going out to eat. And I’m sure you will miss those moments when your child surprised you with that [...]
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The First Clear Day Without Rain, Ten Years On
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February 8, 2012
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5,256,000! Over 5 million! That’s the number of minutes since my sister died…the minutes and moments she has missed out on in these past years. That’s a lot of time….ten years worth to be exact. Ten years ago, my only sister Tarnia was killed in a car accident. It was the first clear day without [...]
New Year Offers Opportunities for Healing
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January 29, 2012
1 Response
Since our son’s death 21 years ago, I’ve observed or ignored New Year’s Day in a variety of ways depending on how hopeful I am feeling at the time. It’s probably not so different from anyone else facing the challenge of a loss, but for me, bringing in the new year on the 31st always [...]
The End of Grief: ‘Are We There Yet?’
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January 8, 2012
4 Responses
As I open the new 2012 calendar I purchased at the mall, I think about where I have been and where I am going. Is my life what I thought it would be? Absolutely not! Not since the death of my 20-year-old son, Clint, 6 1/2 years ago. After Clint died, I knew I wanted [...]
Creating Positive Affirmations for a New Year
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January 6, 2012
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Losing four family members in 2007 changed my thinking. I wondered if I would survive multiple losses. More worrisome, I wondered if I would ever be happy again. It didn’t take long for me to realize I needed an attitude adjustment. Somehow, I had to turn my negative thoughts to positive ones. I began to [...]
The Gift of the Blanket
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December 25, 2011
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When my son was born, over thirty three years ago, I received a beautiful handmade blanket for him. I remember the day I received the blanket. My sister, Sandra, handed me the wrapped box. I carefully unwrapped the box, lifted the lid and slowly folded the tissue paper back. There, in the box, was the beautiful [...]
A Special Ornament
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December 24, 2011
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The four-inch light blue glass ball is always the initial ornament placed on our annual family Christmas tree. For our first Yuletide Season together, my new husband David and I travelled to my childhood home in upstate New York to be with family. We saved the money that we would have spent on a tree, [...]
Christmas Grief: Tips for Enduring After a Child’s Death
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December 21, 2011
4 Responses
Anniversaries, birthdays, special memories and holidays intensify the pain after the death of a child. And although we may have discovered daily tools to help guide our everyday grief, December seems to require special tips and ideas to navigate the days leading up to the holiday dates. The following are some helpful ideas I have [...]
Thoughts of Holiday Gifts and My Deceased Daughter
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December 13, 2011
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Holidays are a time of reflection and self-discovery for those who mourn. Four years have passed since my daughter died, and I am still overwhelmed with memories at Christmas time. Since this was her favorite holiday, I naturally think of her. I remember the thought she put into selecting and making gifts. I have dreamed [...]
A Higher Self
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December 10, 2011
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The cushions on my chaise lounge chairs have seen their last summer. Actually, they saw their last summer last summer, but I covered the worn seats by throwing some festive old serapes across the chairs to get me through another summer with the intention of buying new cushions and chairs next spring. Unexpectedly, the snow [...]
Father Learns How to Deal with Holidays After Daughter’s Death
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December 9, 2011
4 Responses
In early grief, it is difficult to find any meaning in pain. After my daughter Jeannine’s death in 2003, the pain I experienced in early grief was raw and something that I feared. If I had a choice, I would have avoided it at all costs. However, as I have learned, we need to work [...]
Dealing with Special Days: Anniversaries, Birthdays and Holidays
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December 6, 2011
2 Responses
Question from a reader: I am just 10 days away from the one year mark of my wife’s death, and the last few days have been horrible. I have that all-too-familiar feeling of dread in the pit in my stomach and I have a hard time concentrating on anything. I don’t know how to explain [...]
Death of a Child Changes ‘Santa’
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December 1, 2011
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The hustle and bustle of the holiday season begins. Shopping carts and arms are brimming with purchases. Early in the season, there is a sense of joy–the miracle part of Christmas when good moods prevail and everyone is wrapped up in the joyous preparation. We become “Santa” as we plan the perfect holiday celebration. We [...]
Tragedy Connects Us All
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November 30, 2011
2 Responses
I had the honor of being interviewed by our local newspaper for a special section devoted to the tenth anniversary of the September 11,2001 terrorist attacks. Eight victims had ties to my community. The surviving family members of three of these families shared their journeys for this article. I was interviewed as a “grief expert,” [...]
Twelve Things to Remember about the Holidays and Grief
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November 27, 2011
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1. That I could not predict how I would feel or react at any given moment. 2. That as much as I missed my loved ones I would miss them even more during the holidays. 3. That my feelings were normal. 4. That I have a right to be sad. Someone I loved very much [...]
One Is Silver, the Other Gold: a New Look at Holiday Traditions
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November 26, 2011
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“I believe that we are here for a reason, I believe that as each day unfolds, We see less of the shadow And more of the sun. Less of the tarnish And more of the gold.” A ninety year old man owned a piece of property with a cabin on a small lake in central [...]
This Holiday Season, Complete These Sentences…
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November 24, 2011
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When someone we love dies, most of us always wish for two things: one, that the death never happened, that our loved one had never gotten sick and died, or never gotten into an accident and died, and two, if we could just have one more day with them, one more day to say the things [...]
Thanksgiving Day Brings Sweet, Sad Memories
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November 20, 2011
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Thanksgiving is a hard day for me. My parents were married on this day and my elder daughter, now deceased, was born on Thanksgiving. I can still smell the tantalizing smell of roasting turkey wafting down the hall from the hospital kitchen and the thyme that was added to the stuffing. But there was no [...]
The Holidays: Plan, Set Boundaries, Smile
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November 18, 2011
1 Response
For some reason, we all have embedded in our minds that once Thanksgiving arrives, it is time to increase the level of stress we place on ourselves. No matter what type of planning we do for the holiday season, we all tend to let the gift-giving and the changes in daily schedule and family dynamics [...]
Giving Thanks Even for Our Troubles
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November 17, 2011
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It’s a few weeks before Thanksgiving, and I am thankful my family is coming to visit! I am thankful I can get out my mother’s china and polish the silver and set a beautiful table for lots of people I love. I am thankful there are little children who will be running around, pulling the [...]
The Gift that Keeps on Giving
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November 15, 2011
9 Responses
Few of us are ready to assume the position and the responsibility that comes with our new role in the family when a parent dies, no matter what our age. My mother died of ovarian cancer, when I was a young mother. I assumed Mom’s holiday rituals and family duties because I thought she would [...]
Is There a Place at Holiday Table for the Griever?
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November 6, 2011
2 Responses
It’s that time of year again. The holiday season, a time of rejoicing, celebration. First there’s Thanksgiving, followed by Christmas, Hanukah, and New Years. But what if I’m not thankful and don’t want to celebrate? What if I am sadder than I have ever been? What if I am pissed as hell? And what if I [...]
Helping Children Cope with Grief during the Holiday Season
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November 2, 2011
2 Responses
Holidays are normally a time of joy and celebration amongst families; however, they can heighten children’s sense of loss. Whether it is loss from a death or a divorce, a child is more likely to acknowledge the fact that the relative is missing during these times that are spent with family. According to recent census [...]
Holiday Season Offers a Chance to Move Forward
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November 1, 2011
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As we walk the path of grief, we look for a passage to help us understand how to comprehend the complexities of anguish and how to channel our emotions into a constructive solution. Logically, we know waking every morning with a constructive plan for the day will help us walk the path of grief. However, [...]
Mom Wears a Mask on Halloween
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October 28, 2011
1 Response
Monday is Halloween, and although we do not celebrate it like we did when my daughter Marcy was alive and young enough to enjoy the night, we still answer the door to the goblins and fairy princesses from our neighborhood. “How pretty you look,” I say to the young children wearing long princess dresses. “And how [...]
