I sometimes feel like my mood is reflected in the weather, albeit differently now. Before Nina died, I used to dread those dreary cloudy days and felt my best when it was warm and the sun shone brightly. Physically and mentally, I could feel the difference. However, in the early years after Nina died, my [...]
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Grieving My Broken Hand
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February 16, 2012
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When a loss is “only” temporary, we don’t always allow time to grieve. We “slap ourselves upside the head, ” tell ourselves to “suck it up,” and remind ourselves how many worse situations other people are going through. But how bad does the loss have to be to deserve a timeout for some personal attention? [...]
Grief, Healing and Time
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February 15, 2012
1 Response
Today, someone I loved died. I can’t believe it. I don’t believe it. I won’t believe it. Family comes, Friends come. The phone keeps ringing. The doorbell rings again and again. The ringing seems far away. I hear it, but I seem unable to answer. My legs won’t move. My feet won’t move. I am [...]
The Banister and the Book
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February 14, 2012
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A few years after the death of our son Adam, Linda and I made the decision to move from our little three-bedroom home and into a townhouse. We were depleted of energy, straining daily to understand and cope with our heavy grief. We wanted to run away from our sorrows, to escape the pain and [...]
If Only
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February 10, 2012
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If only…… If only….. If only……. If only……… If only…….. Most everyone has their share in life of “if only’s.” If only I were better looking, more popular, made more money, lived in a better neighborhood, were more organized, creative, articulate, athletic, had grandchildren, had more faith, had my sister’s curly hair and long eyelashes. [...]
Maintaining a Healthy, Healing Relationship after Death
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February 5, 2012
1 Response
Ken sat on the couch across from me, smiled and exclaimed, “I stopped it! The uncontrollable crying. I stopped it!” Just the week prior, I had been at a loss as the 59-year-old self-avowed “Momma’s boy” cried with an overpowering despair. He had been completely inconsolable over the death of his 82-year-old mother. As a [...]
Accepting What We Cannot Control
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February 1, 2012
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“Control yourselves!” How many times did my little brother and I hear that from our parents growing up? As we got older, no one expressed those sentiments to us because we had somewhat “learned” as children to control ourselves through parents, schools, jobs and relationships. I think there has to be some sort of balance [...]
Meditation on Winter and Grief
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January 23, 2012
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Preparation for winter. Prepare the garden for next year by cleaning up the dead material that smothers the living and keeps it from experiencing the light and warmth of the sun. Storing the dead and dried wood of past years to warm our bodies and homes this year. The value of darkness and cold. A [...]
In Widowhood, Woman Discovered her ‘Song’
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January 2, 2012
2 Responses
I am a woman who has been reborn in the afternoon of her life. The death of my husband of 42 years could have stopped me in my tracks. Instead, it not only took me on a journey into grief, it also took me on a journey into self-discovery. I didn’t have an answer, but [...]
From ‘I’m Tired’ to ‘I’m Glad’
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December 30, 2011
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I’m tired of starting the day without you. I’m tired of waiting for the call that never comes. I’m tired of coming home to an empty house. I’m tired of sleeping alone. I’m tired of having no one to tuck in at night. I’m tired of seeing happy families. I’m so tired of feeling alone. [...]
Nine Gifts from Grief
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December 29, 2011
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It can be hard to grasp or even accept the idea that there are such things as “grief gifts.” How can we possibly believe that the experience of grief and loss will bestow any such gift? Especially when all we have now is an aching longing for that which is so out of reach. It [...]
A New Answer to the Question, ‘How are You?’
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December 27, 2011
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“How are you?” became a dreaded question. Four family members, my daughter, father-in-law, brother, and former son-in-law, died in 2007. My daughter and former son-in-law died from the injuries they received in separate car crashes. Family members and friends couldn’t believe the story and I couldn’t either. Suddenly, our twin grandchildren were orphans and my [...]
Heavenly Peace: How One Man’s Grief Journey has Taught Him Well
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December 23, 2011
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My holiday season has begun with another lesson learned along my Grief Journey. It comes with the passing of one of my friends who has done the billing in my Family & Personal Counseling practice. Diana Hogan reminded me of my Aunt Rose, whom we also lost to cancer. For the first time in awhile, [...]
Like a Three-Legged Dog: Adapt and Survive
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December 19, 2011
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My niece’s husband’s brother (got that) has a dog named Samson; he’s an enthusiastic, loving dog. Samson has only three legs. I don’t know the story behind the loss of his right front leg, but I do know he was born with four legs and lost one to an injury. Quite the fork in the [...]
Couple Use Last Six Months to Express Their Love
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December 18, 2011
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I would sit for long periods with Jim in his kitchen when Lisa slept. He was a large man who had laid bricks his entire life, until he retired, five years before Lisa received a terminal prognosis of congestive heart failure. Unlike her husband, Lisa was very small, and, in the words of Jim, “the [...]
Grieving, She Tries to Accept the Emptiness
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December 7, 2011
2 Responses
While walking my dogs this morning, I was reflecting on the fact that I have acquired a wonderful set of girlfriends who are kind-hearted, intelligent, generous and fun. Nothing unusual about that, you might think? Lots of girls have great girlfriends. However, just over a year ago, this was not the case. I was lonely, [...]
On a Night in December
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December 3, 2011
1 Response
Every year, on the 2nd Sunday in December, bereaved families around the world light candles in their own homes or with others for one hour, 7-8 P.M., in honor and memory of all children who have died. This poem explains why we do it. On a Night in December In the midst of winter and all [...]
Son’s Spirit Lives on in Piggy Nation
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December 2, 2011
1 Response
On January 31, 2009, our son, Nick Rosser, was taken from us in a car accident. In the ensuing days I struggled to get out of bed. Grief drained me emotionally and physically. At the time of the accident, I was on hiatus from my job as First Assistant Director on the TV show, 24. [...]
‘Normal’ Grief is Unique for Each Person
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November 29, 2011
1 Response
Grief automatically throws us into a time of change. Some of us might regain a semblance of the life we once had, while others veer off into surprising, unexpected paths. Either way, where ever and whomever we used to be and everything we took for granted has changed. We tell people we’re “fine” mostly because [...]
Grief Soup: The Mix of Emotions
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November 16, 2011
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If only grief were simple: sadness, tears, missing that beloved person. If only we could be alone in stillness with the absence (and the starting presence) of that dear person we’ve lost. Maybe then we could simply rest in the plain sorrow of love and let our grief be. What you get, though, is it [...]
Chanel No. 5: Bringing Wife’s Memory Alive
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November 9, 2011
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Chanel No. 5. It is a perfume name that I know. I can’t recall what it smells likes, yet I was married to a woman who wore it. I can recall the woman: her smile, her laugh, her facial expressions, and the way she looked at me. I have a small bottle of Channel No. [...]
Physical Effects of Grief: Insomnia, Eating Problems, and More
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October 27, 2011
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When I suddenly lost my fiancé in a car accident, my body had a traumatic response to the situation. When we grieve the loss of someone we love so much and who had such a profound impact on our life, we do not get to choose how our body reacts. We can’t place an order [...]
Transitions: How to Recapture the ‘Drive’
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October 26, 2011
1 Response
Question from a Reader: How do you bring back the “drive”? The desire to improve one’s self? The desire to learn something new, or to go with your goal? Since my husband died nearly a year ago, I’ve lost this drive and it seems hard to get it back. I still want to achieve some [...]
Like Trees in Fall, We Must Let Go
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October 24, 2011
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I walk through the crunchy leaves that blanket the ground while others float down landing on me. I hesitate to brush them off. They are, after all, part of the beauty that is fall. That same breeze that makes the leaves dance swirls my hair around my face. I gently push it back as I [...]
The Truth Behind the ‘Considerate Griever’
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October 23, 2011
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Throughout the last few years, I have thought a lot about how we all handle widowhood differently. We all move at our own pace and grieve within our own comfort zone. It’s been interesting to me the way I’ve grieved. For the most part, I consider myself a pretty private person when it comes to [...]
