I was at the mall alone, returning a few things from the holidays, looking at clothes that the “experts” say are in style (did anyone really perfect the poncho look?), and generally just enjoying shopping without having to worry about whether or not my kids would knock over an entire display of purses…when something happened [...]
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‘Daddy Died, Mommy. Are You Going to Die, too?’
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January 13, 2012
2 Responses
When children lose one of their parents to death, they may worry that their other parent will die as well. This worry can also come if another person who has been very important to them (such as a grandparent) dies. What can we do to keep those worries to a minimum? We lay the first [...]
When She Says, ‘I Have Cancer,’ What Do You Say?
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January 9, 2012
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There are 12 million of us in the United States who live with cancer and the number rises every year as researchers find new drugs to extend our lives. Some of us hide our diagnosis even from trusted loved ones, while others freely share it for a variety of reasons. I’m sure at least once [...]
A New Answer to the Question, ‘How are You?’
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December 27, 2011
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“How are you?” became a dreaded question. Four family members, my daughter, father-in-law, brother, and former son-in-law, died in 2007. My daughter and former son-in-law died from the injuries they received in separate car crashes. Family members and friends couldn’t believe the story and I couldn’t either. Suddenly, our twin grandchildren were orphans and my [...]
Using Loss as an Inspiration to Help Others
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December 16, 2011
1 Response
On March 9, 2010, the unthinkable happened, I found myself widowed at the age of 25 when the love of my life, my soul mate, was in a car accident while on his daily morning commute to work, just two months shy of our wedding day. Early on in my journey, I knew part of [...]
Seven Years Later, Coping With the Anniversary of a Death
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December 14, 2011
1 Response
This past November marked the 7-year anniversary of losing my sweet daughter Katie. I’m not sure what happened to the last 7 years, but they’ve managed to slip away. I know many of you are newly bereaved and probably think “7 years? I am not sure if I can make 1 year or 2 years. [...]
Spiritual Women Help Grieving Friends
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November 25, 2011
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Last week I gave a talk at a local church about spiritual women helping each other. The talk came from my own experience of losing four family members in 2007. My handout showed the “bones” of my talk and helped audience members to follow along. What were the points of my talk? Spiritual women offer [...]
Helping a Close Friend Deal With Bereavement
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November 19, 2011
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No one wants to see a friend suffering from grief but when our friend has lost someone they care deeply about they will have to grieve. Grieving is the natural emotional response to loss. It’s a painful emotion to observe in anyone but even more so when it’s our friend. No one wants to see [...]
Platitudes: Uncomfortable for Everyone
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November 3, 2011
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Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while so that we can see life with a clearer view again. Tom Bodett When we’re grieving, we all platitudes. You know these: “She’s in a better place.” “God never gives us more than we can handle.” “It must have been his [...]
20 Questions to Ask Your Terminally Ill Loved One
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October 12, 2011
2 Responses
What is Palliative Care and Hospice? If you have been told that your loved one is terminally ill, this article will help you identify palliative care, hospice, advanced care planning, Five Wishes, and questions to ask during this difficult time. Let’s first look at palliative care,which helps individuals improve their quality of life by providing [...]
‘Happy’ Holidays? Not for the Newly Bereaved
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October 2, 2011
1 Response
This holiday season, an estimated one in 20 Americans will be grieving the loss of someone dear. And for some bereaved folks, the loss is so profound in their lives that they shudder at the thought of celebrating anything, especially a season that is supposed to be merry and jolly. If you are dreading [...]
New Calling: Reaching Out to Others Through Writing
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September 27, 2011
2 Responses
When I was young, my life’s calling was softly introduced to me. It may not have been a path I would have chosen as an adult or of my own desire, but it changed me and made me who I am today. I guess my mother’s illness and death deeply impacted my life. I never [...]
Caregiver Humor
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September 18, 2011
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Sometimes a laugh is the only weapon we have. —Roger Rabbit Several years ago my father-in-law was very ill. One time, when he came home from the hospital, it was his and my mother-in-law’s wedding anniversary. I suggested that they invite a few friends over for dinner and I would do the cooking. Jimmy managed [...]
Reaching Out to Those in Need
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September 16, 2011
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When I was young, my life’s calling was softly introduced to me. It may not have been a path I would have chosen as an adult or of my own desire, but it changed me and made me who I am today. I guess my mother’s illness and death deeply impacted my life. I never [...]
10 Years Later, 9/11 Memories are Razor Sharp
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September 11, 2011
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Today is the 10th anniversary of the terror attack on the World Trade Center. Our hearts go out even now to the thousands of people who died that day: children, husbands, wives, sisters, brothers and friends. So many people mourned, are still mourning and will never forget the worst terrorist act on American soil. I [...]
How to Support 9/11 Families
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September 9, 2011
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The tenth anniversary of the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks on the United States is likely to stir emotions for the thousands of people in the United States who are grieving the deaths of a loved one who died during the attacks a decade ago. The anniversary also poses an emotional challenge for the families [...]
Combatting the Sunday Morning Loneliness
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September 4, 2011
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The television is crackling with news about the latest weather catastrophe! All the morning news shows are “round tabling” about the craziness of ALL the candidates!! I’m bursting with comments, remarks, outrage—and there’s no one here for me to share all this emotion with. I can easily feel sorry for myself and go into a [...]
How to Respond to Grief and Loss
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August 20, 2011
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Rabbi Harold Kushner, the author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People, wrote about his response to personal tragedy. His son, Aaron, experienced a premature aging disorder (progeria), and eventually died from this syndrome. The pain from the rabbi’s loss activated a crisis of faith. Kushner wrote his book for those “who have been [...]
Hospice Volunteer Never Felt ‘So Close to God’ Before
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August 19, 2011
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I don’t think there is anything more gratifying then working with hospice. A few years after my son’s death, I decided to sign up for the training sessions, which surprisingly many people after they lose a loved one. I had started to write about my son and felt that working with hospice would be a [...]
‘Our Loved One Has Died and We’re Still Here’
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August 17, 2011
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GRIEF sometimes comes like a thief in the night. At other times, it’s more like a slow moving train. Either way, Grief hurts. When someone we love dies, it creates a painful void in our lives that we aren’t sure how to live with and if we even want to live with. Grief often changes [...]
Compassion is Most Important Value for Helping Others
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July 28, 2011
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I recently attended the 33rd conference of ADEC (The Thanatology Association), which this year was combined with the International Conference on Grief and Bereavement in Contemporary Society. The conference was held in my hometown of Miami, Florida. The information and education I received throughout the week was just wonderful. I attended many workshops and confirmed [...]
Tune Out Those Who Don’t Know How to Help
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July 26, 2011
3 Responses
While chatting with a new acquaintance seated beside me at a dinner party, I learned her adult son died one year ago. Knowing what a terrible loss that is, and understanding that most people never recover from it, I said, “I’m so sorry. There is really nothing anyone can say to make you feel better, but please know [...]
Does Jesus Like Chocolate?
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July 18, 2011
3 Responses
She was staring at the glass of chocolate Ensure. “Annie” didn’t like chocolate but was so devout in her Catholicism that she did not want to offend Jesus. She looked up at me and asked, “Does Jesus like chocolate?” It was such a funny question and I stifled a laugh, because I knew she was [...]
Starting a Support Group in a Small Town
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July 7, 2011
2 Responses
Question from a Reader: Do you have any ideas/resources for starting a parent support group? I live in a very small town. We have recently had several of our young people pass away, including my own son who was killed in an auto accident on Mother’s Day of this year. I have no idea how [...]
Negotiating with God, Dreaming of Chocolate Cake
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July 6, 2011
2 Responses
The first time I met “Gary,” we ended up talking for over two hours. He was in his late 60s and had throat cancer, evidenced by a protruding plum-sized tumor on his neck which he covered with turtlenecks. He explained his spiritual beliefs and told me he wasn’t afraid to die. In fact, when he [...]
