Ken sat on the couch across from me, smiled and exclaimed, “I stopped it! The uncontrollable crying. I stopped it!” Just the week prior, I had been at a loss as the 59-year-old self-avowed “Momma’s boy” cried with an overpowering despair. He had been completely inconsolable over the death of his 82-year-old mother. As a [...]
Found 25 results
‘Normal’ Grief is Unique for Each Person
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November 29, 2011
1 Response
Grief automatically throws us into a time of change. Some of us might regain a semblance of the life we once had, while others veer off into surprising, unexpected paths. Either way, where ever and whomever we used to be and everything we took for granted has changed. We tell people we’re “fine” mostly because [...]
The Gift that Keeps on Giving
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November 15, 2011
9 Responses
Few of us are ready to assume the position and the responsibility that comes with our new role in the family when a parent dies, no matter what our age. My mother died of ovarian cancer, when I was a young mother. I assumed Mom’s holiday rituals and family duties because I thought she would [...]
Celebrating the Birth of Triplets While Mourning Dad’s Suicide
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November 12, 2011
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I wish you could have been there . . . It was quite a sight. Three infant car seats with tiny faces and six wiggling hands and feet. We were going home, but my father would not be there to greet us. I had spent the last four weeks of my pregnancy in the hospital, [...]
An Uncertain Truth
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October 6, 2011
1 Response
She stood on the railroad tracks listening for the train when another sound started in the distance, soft at first then growing louder, closer. She recognized the sound, knew in a moment that the siren was coming closer, coming for her father. As she bolted down the dirt path toward home, a window opened in [...]
A Sign From Mom at the Holidays
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October 6, 2011
1 Response
In 1987, when I was eighteen years old, my mother was diagnosed with an aggressive form of leukemia two weeks prior to Christmas. We brought Christmas to her in her hospital room that year in the midst of her chemotherapy, complete with a homemade turkey dinner. What I couldn’t have imagined then was that in [...]
New Calling: Reaching Out to Others Through Writing
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September 27, 2011
2 Responses
When I was young, my life’s calling was softly introduced to me. It may not have been a path I would have chosen as an adult or of my own desire, but it changed me and made me who I am today. I guess my mother’s illness and death deeply impacted my life. I never [...]
Can I Believe My Mother is in Heaven?
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September 26, 2011
2 Responses
I love going to psychics. I’m not sure if it’s my impetuous nature to know what is to come, the comforting assertions like “Great fortune is headed your way” or its mother-memory connection. I became loosely associated with the magic of clairvoyance at age 5. I waited in the reception area while my mother traveled [...]
When Mom Dies: A Big Sister Writes to Her Little Sister
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September 25, 2011
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(This piece is an excerpt from a longer work entitled Mind Pictures) The days in the hospital right before our mom died are mostly a blur. I remember that you and Dad and I sat by her bed as long as we were allowed. I remember the heart monitor and the unsettling, uncertain blips on [...]
With Her Father in the Final Days
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September 21, 2011
2 Responses
“All the leaves are brown; and the sky is grey …” The Mamas and Papas The verbs and functions began to fall away like the September leaves. Some faster than others, the “helicopters” spiraled to their demise and others quietly and unhurriedly floated to the ground. One thing was undeniable – they were never to [...]
Reaching Out to Those in Need
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September 16, 2011
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When I was young, my life’s calling was softly introduced to me. It may not have been a path I would have chosen as an adult or of my own desire, but it changed me and made me who I am today. I guess my mother’s illness and death deeply impacted my life. I never [...]
How Adult Children Can Cope While Caretaking Parents
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September 14, 2011
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We of the baby-boomer generation are feeling the pressure as we provide care for our elderly parents. It is painful as we helplessly watch our loved ones experience the impact of failing health. We feel powerless against the ravages of deteriorating health and mourn our losses as our parents begin the descent involving their incapacity [...]
A Children and Grief Story
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September 12, 2011
1 Response
My gramma’s grief over the loss of her only child devoured me! To see and hear her wailing and knowing she couldn’t stop was heartbreaking and frightening. Her sadness, and my inability to do anything about it grieved me, possibly as much as the grief I felt for the loss of my mother. I was eleven [...]
We Never Said Goodbye
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August 26, 2011
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Towards the end of her life, my mom had a number of health issues. These included high blood pressure, diabetes, heart failure and eventually, dialysis. In the fall of 1999, her right leg began to turn black and blue. It was diagnosed that her heart was not strong enough to pump the blood to the [...]
Sound and Silence Offer Solace
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August 25, 2011
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“Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in this life has a purpose.” - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross I felt compelled to stroke his hair like he was my little boy. A young boy who was in honest pain with not one place left to turn. The crying spells [...]
Facing Your Wedding Day Without A Parent
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August 3, 2011
1 Response
I will be getting married in a month. This is undoubtedly an occasion I am excited about and one that seems to have taken forever to arrive, not least because I am turning 38 this December and my fiancé will hit the 50 mark in October, and neither of us have been married before. Since [...]
Father’s Death Helps Woman Find God and Vocation
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July 31, 2011
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I am the Palliative Care Chaplain and Bereavement Coordinator for The University of North Carolina Hospitals in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. My interest in working with the dying and bereaved began with my own father’s illness and death in 1994. My story is one of transformation, when for the first time God’s presence was palpable. [...]
Dreams Move the Grieving Process Along
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July 11, 2011
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I began preparing myself for my mother’s departure a long time ago, even before she came to live in our community so that we could support her. Occasional dreams appeared in which I or we (my partner and daughter) had to save my Mom; in those dreams she was called “Little Mommy.” Often water would [...]
Is My Widowed Mother ‘Moving On’ Too Soon?
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June 29, 2011
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Question from a Reader: My dad died 11 months ago at the age of 55. My mom is 50 and looks a bit younger. I know she’s a young woman and has lots of life left in her but she’s got a boyfriend! I cannot understand how she can do this. I told her to [...]
Grieving for Deceased Loved One and Broken Relationship
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June 27, 2011
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Grief comes in many forms, including the feelings associated with death, anticipatory grief, and self–grief. During the grieving process, we may also mourn for broken family relationships. My brother was five years older than I. According to my mother, he was so excited to have a baby sister he asked to stay home from kindergarten [...]
Grieving Mother-Loss Different for Everyone
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June 26, 2011
1 Response
“You’re not angry you didn’t spend that time with your mother?” a friend asked me over dinner last night. About six months before my mom died, it was obvious the end was near. In a practical sense, I prepared for my mother’s death. I canceled my study abroad semester in Italy. I acted more responsible [...]
Father’s Day: Not a Day, but a Legacy
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June 18, 2011
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My children have passed over the dividing line. They have been alive more years now without their father than they were with him. My daughter Samantha was 12 years old when her father died and Rick was just 10. They were merely children when they had to say goodbye to him after a car accident [...]
After Mother-Loss, Daughter Struggles with Guilt about Father
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June 16, 2011
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“I told him he had to get out. It would have been selfish of me to let him stay there,” my friend Claire said about her youngest son, A.J. Claire lost her husband almost a decade ago, after which her 26-year-old son moved home. A.J. promised his father he would take care of his mother, [...]
My Teddy Bear Dad
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June 12, 2011
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Growing up, I was a little afraid of my dad. He had a bark that was loud and, I thought, fearsome. But as I grew older, I came to realize that he was just a big olʼ teddy bear inside. Twelve years ago, Dadʼs passing inspired me to start a company called Carrie Bears. My [...]
When a Father Dies on Father’s Day
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June 10, 2011
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My father died on Father’s Day 2007. He had been in apparent good health until the night he was admitted to the hospital. That day, he went through his usual routines-swam a mile at the Y, did some errands, sat on the patio with my mother in the late afternoon. By 11 p.m. he was [...]
