Healing from Twin-Loss Requires New Connections

So many people are shattered by deep personal grief, by the unique and often unacknowledged experiences of their loss, and by the misunderstood depth and length of their bereavements.

The death of my twin brother, Michael, and the different ways I experienced the absence of him in my life, created a deep sense of inner loneliness and outer separation. My healing journey began with what felt like the end of my life.   Out of profound disconnection, I started the slow process of putting the pieces of myself back together within the discovery of new connections, and of making a new relationship to both myself and finally to my twin brother.

​In my book, “Beginning with the End: A Memoir of Twin Loss and Healing,” I tell my story in hopes of touching the deeply bereaved and of breaking the isolation that surrounds the major loss of a loved one. In sharing the experience of my own twin bereavement, I want to touch the place where other twinless twins are torn from their intrinsic sense of who they are and of how they experience themselves in their lives. I try to shed light on the special challenges they face in their healing journeys.

​My own bereavement was unnecessarily long and protracted. Especially as a twin, I found no healing in separation. In making new connection, we break the isolation. Sharing our journey with others, we form community. Our arms make a circle that can hold the loss, allowing it to be met in safety, allowing for understanding, for listening, for being heard, for being present. In connection, we can bear witness to the necessary process of falling apart and the small steps of coming back together into new form and into new life. By writing and sharing this book, I invite all who grieve the loss of a loved one into a larger circle of healing connection.

Excerpted from “Beginning with the End: A Memoir of Twin Loss and Healing” by Mary R. Morgan

Mary R Morgan

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Mary R. Morgan, a twinless twin, holds a Master’s Degree in Clinical Social Work from Columbia University, and is trained as a guide and a trainer in Spontaneous Interactive Imagery. She both trained and worked as a therapist at the Jewish Board of Family and Children Services and has been in private practice for 15 years. She lectures on the subject of twin loss and her practice has included individual counseling with twinless twins and two years of leading a bereavement group for twins who lost their twins in the World Trade Center disaster in 2001. She is presently on leave of absence, writing a book on the unique issues of twin loss for therapists and bereavement counselors. Ms. Morgan has just published her book, “Beginning with the End: A Memoir of Twin Loss and Healing” (Vantage Point Books, 2012): www.beginningwiththeend.com. She conducts bereavement workshops at the Twinless Twins Support Group International conferences, and she delivered their keynote speech in 2003, 2004, 2006 and 2009.

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