Helpful Do’s and Don’ts for the Bereaved

Do call a friend when you are blue.

Do water the flowers and take time to smell them; work in the garden, pull out weeds.

Do something positive for yourself every day.

Do get enough sleep.

Do exercise daily.

Do remember to take time to eat.

Do think positive thoughts every day.

Do spend time with family and friends.

Do get as much support as you can.

Do open the mail.

Do treasure your loved ones.

Do resist the temptation to run away from your pain by keeping yourself frantically busy every waking moment.

Do journal in a notebook about your feelings.

Do see a therapist if you feel constantly overwhelmed.

Do allow people to help you.

Do be patient with yourself.

Do take your own car to an event, so you can leave when you want to.

Do be grateful for what you have.

Do allow enough time for healing.

Do watch funny movies.

Do listen to quiet music.

Do create positive affirmations about yourself.

Do pursue a satisfying creative outlet.

Do stay focused on specifics to help you get through the day.

Don’t stay in bed the entire day.

Don’t do things you don’t want to do if you feel pushed into them by well meaning friends.

Don’t stay too isolated.

Don’t turn invitations away.

Don’t overindulge in alcohol or sweets.

Don’t be disappointed in yourself, grief takes more energy than you would ever have imagined.

Don‘t throw out or give away the clothes until you are ready.

Don’t write thank you notes until you feel up to it.

Don’t, if possible, make any major lifestyle changes or decisions … for now.

Excerpt from THE HEALING POWER OF GRIEF: The Journey Through Loss to Life and Laughter (Sourcebooks, Inc.; ISBN 1-932783-48-2) by Gloria Lintermans & Marilyn Stolzman, Ph.D., L.M.F.T.

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Gloria Lintermans

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Los Angeles-based Gloria Lintermans is a former internationally syndicated columnist. Her column appeared in English and Spanish language newspapers across the U.S. from Hawaii to New York, and worldwide from Saudi Arabia to South America. Lintermans is the author of THE HEALING POWER OF GRIEF: The Journey Through Loss to Life and Laughter, (Champion Press, 2006), THE HEALING POWER OF LOVE: Transcending the Loss of a Spouse to New Love (Champion Press, 2006), CHEAP CHIC: A Guide to LA's Resale Boutiques (1990), the "ultimate guide to recycled fashion," and forerunner of RETRO CHIC: A Guide to Fabulous Vintage and Designer Resale Shopping in North America & Online (Really Great Books, Los Angeles, 2002) and THE NEWLY DIVORCED BOOK OF PROTOCOL, (Barricade Books, New York, 1995). A freelance writer, she has also written for national and local magazines. Lintermans has appeared on radio and television talk shows across the country including: the "Donna Mason Show," Raleigh, NC; "Steve Kalk Show," Beaver Falls, PA; "Morning Drive with John Dawson," Albany, GA; "Tim Quinn Show," Bridgeport, CT, "What You Should Know About," Philadelphia, PA; "Memphis in the Morning," Memphis, TN; "Kent Slocum Show," Grand Rapids, MI; "The Michael Jackson Show," Los Angeles, CA, among others. She has hosted her own "Looking Great with Gloria Lintermans" cable television and radio shows and is a popular lecturer and commentator. Lintermans is a member of The Authors Guild, Inc., the National Society of Newspaper Columnists and A.F.T.R.A. (American Federation of Television & Radio Artists). Lintermans lives in Los Angeles. Gloria appeared on the radio show “Healing the Grieving Heart” with Dr. Gloria & Dr. Heidi Horsley to discuss “The Healing Power of Grief.” To hear Gloria being interviewed on this show, click on the following link: www.voiceamericapd.com/health/010157/horsley022808.mp3

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  • Sarah says:

    Thank you for the wonderful list of reminders of do’s and don’ts for those that are grieving. Those of us who are in the midsts of our grief often need those reminders. Our thoughts and actions are often so consumed by grief we forget we still are alive. These help us make it through our days.

    Another good one to add is “Do remember to just breathe.” Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the pain of loss that sometimes it gets hard to breathe at all.