We remember the close bond with our child or loved one before their death. We wonder, why were they taken from us so soon or was their death painful or did they hurt or why couldnt we protect them? These common thoughts are often accompanied by questions concerning communication with their loved one, continued connections with their child or loved one and messages and signs from their deceased loved one. Frequently, when pondering the subject of messages and signs from our loved ones, the bereaved are plagued by more frustrating thoughts and questions like: Others receive signs and messages, why dont I? What am I doing wrong? How can I receive a sign or a message?
The subject of communication with the dead changes its appearance in the arena of the bereaved seeking healing from the pain of the mourning process. What may have appeared as a taboo subject in years past is now viewed as a tool for survival and it is given a more respectable place in conversations. Moreover, with the societal, planetary and universal changes occurring in our lifetime, we are seeing changes in the adoption of new thought concerning grieving, healing and living.
Often, those in grief do not discuss those three stated subjects (communication with the dead, maintaining connections after death and messages and signs from our loved ones) for a variety of reasons. Many bereaved question everything that is occurring in their newly shattered world, they question their own sanity and they fear that others might interpret these thoughts as foolish or crazy. But basically the bereaved persons world changes, the old world was destroyed and living is now unfamiliar territory. Life can be full of fear, anger, shock, guilt, depression and perhaps other usual or foreign emotions. Our values, beliefs and trust in what previously made sense to us are tested or may no longer exist.
But, many of us yearn for a sign or message from our loved one regardless of the possible fears we might experience or the possible ridicule or skepticism we might endure. We want a sign or message because of the questions and pain we live with in our grief and the missing we feel in our life due to their absence. Ultimately, many who are grieving do receive signs and messages from their loved ones but know that desire is not the only prerequisite for receiving them.
Basic as is sounds, signs and messages are considered communication and we have to recognize that there are two entities communicating: the sender and receiver. A sign or message will not be received if the griever is not accessible. If a person is not accepting of the possibility, if their mourning is still overwhelming their entire being (as grief affects the individual in all the areas of the physical, cognitive, relational, emotional and spiritual realms) or if they cannot move to a place of trusting, then it will be difficult to receive a sign or message from a loved one. One must: 1. Notice their outer world and what is occurring around them, 2. They must Be open to the possibilities and 3. They must Trust what they notice.
Descriptions of the various kinds of signs and outlining methods for creating an environment to be able to receive signs is material for another article but the first and most often asked question is, how can I receive a sign from my loved one? And, it is in the answer that one must trust to be able to receive guidance, comfort and solace from the messages and signs from our loved ones.
I, too, wanted a sign after my son Zac died. I found that maintaining our relationship after his death through his signs and messages initially gave me hope in my grief but ultimately, this connection gave me the gift of life. He shared guidelines and suggestions for creating a connection with your loved ones but initially he stated: Everyone and everybody can communicate with their loved ones. They have to open themselves up to communicate and to listen. They have to be aware and notice and they have to trust what they sense. (Zac, July 31, 2001)
Early in my grief I heard the comment, Do not close the door to life after your loved one’s death. Time allowed me to understand that my son’s death ended his physical life but not my memory of him nor my sense of his presence. I found there can be relief in the questioning part of the grief process. By opening your heart you’ll find too, that hope is found in your love, not in the degree to which you grieve.
Chris Mulligan 2012