I just lost my husband of 25 years to liver cancer, October 2008, lived for 6 months after he was diagnosed. I cry day and night because I miss him so much. He was my world and I don’t think I can cope with his death!!! We were the best of friends and we never went any where without each other, we were inseparable. We have a 17 year old son, who I have to sleep with every night in order to be able to close my eyes at night, he is also so devastated. I’d give anything to be able to hold him, hear his amazing voice, and kiss him once more…it hurts soooo bad!!!!!!
Drs. Gloria and Heidi Respond
We are so sorry to hear of the death of your husband. Right now it feels like you can’t cope because you were so close for those 25 years and we encourage you to be gentle with yourself while the pain is so new and so great. Give yourself time to grieve and do what you need to do for comfort as you begin to heal. Know that others have made it before you and you can too.
Don’t try to go it alone. You have reached out to us and now we hope that you will help yourself and your son by finding additional support in your community. We would suggest to you that you reach out to friends, family, religious community, and possibly professional counseling for support. Try contacting your local hospital or hospice to find a support group. Writing is a wonderful outlet that helps not only you but at the same times gives encouragement and hope to others.
Your son may also need help and counseling to deal with the loss of his dad. While it is not unusual for a family to sleep in the same room after the sudden death of a family member we feel that your grief and need may be putting undue stress on your young adult son. It is important to remember that teens need their space and they often feel like they have to remain strong for their grieving parent and take care of them. Teens can feel responsible for parents and feel like they need to be with them to fill the void left by the deceased parent. It’s important that we as parents gently encourage our teens to go through the normal developmental stage of separation and individuation – spending time with friends and sleeping by themselves. Reassuring teens that you (parent) will be o.k. even though you are grieving right now often is a relief to teens who are carrying the burden of thinking they have to comfort bereaved parents. You and your son may both find help in reading our book, Teen Grief Relief.
We wish you well as you walk this very difficult path we call grief.
Drs. Gloria and Heidi Horsley