You can’t see it. You can’t touch it. But the sensation of fear is very real. It is overwhelming and makes us do things that we would not normally do. When our confidence is shaken and we are thrust into a different personal direction, we naturally get a bit scared and unnerved. It is a [...]
Found 25 results
Accepting What We Cannot Control
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February 1, 2012
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“Control yourselves!” How many times did my little brother and I hear that from our parents growing up? As we got older, no one expressed those sentiments to us because we had somewhat “learned” as children to control ourselves through parents, schools, jobs and relationships. I think there has to be some sort of balance [...]
How Can I Receive a Sign or Message?
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January 30, 2012
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When grief and pain are your daily companions, you have questions. We all ask many questions after a loved one dies. We want validation of and answers to these questions. This uncertainty is a part of our grief process but can there be comfort or relief in this process. We remember the close bond with [...]
New Year Offers Opportunities for Healing
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January 29, 2012
1 Response
Since our son’s death 21 years ago, I’ve observed or ignored New Year’s Day in a variety of ways depending on how hopeful I am feeling at the time. It’s probably not so different from anyone else facing the challenge of a loss, but for me, bringing in the new year on the 31st always [...]
A Winter’s Day in Grief
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January 29, 2012
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Today the ground is covered with last week’s snow and the air is a frigid 29 degrees below zero. There is no pretending winter is not here. Admittedly some people thrive in the winter. It is just their time of year. But for many the long winter months take a toll and contribute to feelings [...]
Seeing Signs of Deceased Son
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January 28, 2012
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As a public speaker and radio/TV show host, many people have asked me if I have ever “seen signs” of my son’s presence. It may seem like a simple question, but when you really start to think about it, the answer is very complicated — in a simple way. Yes. I “see signs.” Early in [...]
Serious Personal Illnesses After the Death of a Child
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January 27, 2012
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At the time of the death of our child, we think and feel that our world will certainly end and we often want to die and be ‘with our children’. It does not matter if we have a wonderful relationship with a spouse, surviving children, family members, friends or a career; we just want to [...]
On STUGs: Subsequent, Temporary, Upsurges of Grief
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January 26, 2012
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Have you ever come across a new word that strikes you as so good you wonder why you hadn’t heard of it before? Ive found a new grief word. STUG! Coined by Therese Rando, it just makes total sense and sounds a bit more upbeat than Grief Triggers. I’ve been STUGGED! (Subsequent, Temporary, Upsurge of [...]
Finding Joy After Heartbreak
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January 21, 2012
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As we go through our day-to-day lives, we complain about work, kids, finances, etc. But what we keep forgetting to do is find joy every day. Not every day is a good day. Sometimes it seems like there is too much going on in life that you won’t be able to get it all done. This [...]
When You Want to Join Your Loved One in Death
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January 19, 2012
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Many of you have found your way to this oasis of hope by following a trail of tears. Many of you grieve. Many of you have suffered under the heavy burden of loss. You find camaraderie here. Understanding. Unity. Friendship. Compassion. But it doesn’t replace the son, daughter, lover, friend or sibling that is no [...]
Suicide Survivor Seeks Solace
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January 17, 2012
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Suzanne, the mother of a young woman who died from suicide, gave me permission to share her article. — Carol Loehr It has now been two years (November 16, 2009) since my sweet Jessica died from suicide. Each day, I fight back the tears of her loss and try to “get on with life,” but late [...]
The Broken Places
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January 16, 2012
17 Responses
I was watching a promotional ad on television recently for the show “Intervention” and saw a quote from Ernest Hemingway, which read: “The world breaks everyone, and afterward many are strong at the broken places.” Actually, this quote is a passage from Hemingway’s novel: “A Farewell to Arms.” Hemingway was one of the great American [...]
What Can One Fear After Worst Fear is Realized?
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January 12, 2012
3 Responses
My greatest fear has always been losing a child, and anybody that I am close to knows this. I spoke about it often, and the fear was so nagging that it ate away at my soul and wouldn’t let my mind rest. In fact, when my children were infants, I frequently had to talk myself [...]
Extraordinary Experience: Signs from Beyond
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January 11, 2012
4 Responses
Let me emphasize at the outset that I have been trained in the scientific method and hold a dutiful respect for science. However, I have no doubt whatsoever that many bereaved people receive signs or messages from their deceased loved ones or a Supreme being that helps them deal with their losses and reinvest in [...]
Gardens and Grief
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January 10, 2012
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Do you remember when I told you how I love wild violets? I love them when their little purple faces first peek up out of the ground soon after the crocuses have thrust their heads up. Crocuses emerge in their amazing way, right up through snow, surprising us with nearly forgotten promise of color to [...]
The End of Grief: ‘Are We There Yet?’
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January 8, 2012
4 Responses
As I open the new 2012 calendar I purchased at the mall, I think about where I have been and where I am going. Is my life what I thought it would be? Absolutely not! Not since the death of my 20-year-old son, Clint, 6 1/2 years ago. After Clint died, I knew I wanted [...]
Creating Positive Affirmations for a New Year
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January 6, 2012
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Losing four family members in 2007 changed my thinking. I wondered if I would survive multiple losses. More worrisome, I wondered if I would ever be happy again. It didn’t take long for me to realize I needed an attitude adjustment. Somehow, I had to turn my negative thoughts to positive ones. I began to [...]
Son Sends Signs that He’s Never Far Away
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January 4, 2012
2 Responses
When our second son, Lance, was born, he quickly found the middle two fingers of his right hand served his well as a pacifier. His index and little finger extended straight up on each cheek creating the “hook’em horns” symbol made famous by the University of Texas at Austin. When his habit continued as a [...]
The Circle of Life, the Spirit of Hope
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January 1, 2012
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After eleven long hours of pain, there she was─chestnut brown hair, vivid blue eyes, cute pug nose, round face and full lips. She was so beautiful. It was instant love. I knew in that moment that my life would never be the same again. The circle of life had begun. The year was 1970, and [...]
From ‘I’m Tired’ to ‘I’m Glad’
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December 30, 2011
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I’m tired of starting the day without you. I’m tired of waiting for the call that never comes. I’m tired of coming home to an empty house. I’m tired of sleeping alone. I’m tired of having no one to tuck in at night. I’m tired of seeing happy families. I’m so tired of feeling alone. [...]
Nine Gifts from Grief
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December 29, 2011
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It can be hard to grasp or even accept the idea that there are such things as “grief gifts.” How can we possibly believe that the experience of grief and loss will bestow any such gift? Especially when all we have now is an aching longing for that which is so out of reach. It [...]
Christmas Grief: Tips for Enduring After a Child’s Death
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December 21, 2011
4 Responses
Anniversaries, birthdays, special memories and holidays intensify the pain after the death of a child. And although we may have discovered daily tools to help guide our everyday grief, December seems to require special tips and ideas to navigate the days leading up to the holiday dates. The following are some helpful ideas I have [...]
A Skeptic’s Journey Through Grief
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December 20, 2011
2 Responses
As a physician with a strong science background, I used to regard all things spiritual with a jaded eye—until the recent suicide of my young son, Erik. Since then, my life has been cleaved into two parts: The Before and The After, The Bliss and The Dark Despair. Everyone deals with grief differently. I heal [...]
Like a Three-Legged Dog: Adapt and Survive
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December 19, 2011
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My niece’s husband’s brother (got that) has a dog named Samson; he’s an enthusiastic, loving dog. Samson has only three legs. I don’t know the story behind the loss of his right front leg, but I do know he was born with four legs and lost one to an injury. Quite the fork in the [...]
The Gift: Mother Finds New Connection to Daughter
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December 15, 2011
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Like my winter birds who come to the feeder in a variety of ways, Christmas presents come in a variety of packages. Yesterday, I arrived home to find a beautifully wrapped gift on my kitchen counter. I enjoyed just looking at it – so smartly wrapped waiting to open it with the giver. But reading [...]
