Mistakes haunt us. Regrets torment us. Grief – for any loss – rips at us. We pick at these wounds hoping for miraculous healing. We study them, trying to figure out what went wrong. We relive them in our minds over and over looking for what we could have done differently. We waste years staring [...]
Found 25 results
The Gift of Forgiveness for Mother’s and Father’s Day
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May 8, 2011
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For many, the Mother’s and Father’s Day tradition is a welcome way to celebrate the meaningful lessons your parents taught you by deed or example. For those who are estranged from parents, this can be a time of tension and unhappiness. It can also hinder the grief process when someone harbors unresolved issues with someone they [...]
Creating a Community of Grievers
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May 7, 2011
2 Responses
It’s not what you say; it’s what you do. Every now and then, I smack my head for saying the dumbest thing. ”I should have said this not that,” I exult. Since I write http://mamaquest.org, a blog about losing my mother, and run http://trauma2art.com, a site about creative expression after loss, I should know exactly [...]
Remembering Our Legacy this Mother’s and Father’s Days
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May 6, 2011
1 Response
She was an attractive woman with thick dark hair that started turning white in the middle of her life. She was the oldest of 3 children. Her mother was from Scotland and her father was from England. She loved to cook and tend to her flowers in the garden. She had many friends. One of [...]
Grieving and Resilience
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May 5, 2011
2 Responses
There’s been a lot of buzz lately about a book by a Columbia psychology professor, George Bonnano, called The Other Side of Sadness (2009). This book received many endorsements from the academic community claiming revolutionary thinking about how the bereaved experience and adapt to the loss of a loved one. His main point is that [...]
Sudden Death vs. Anticipated Loss: Two Different Journeys
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May 1, 2011
3 Responses
Experience: The stern lights of a ship, which illumine only the track it has passed. – Samuel Taylor Coleridge Having experienced grief previously, I assumed I would be able to move on through life after the death of my mother in November 2010. I thought myself well prepared since I had spent the last ten [...]
Easter Reminds Woman that God Understands Loss
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April 8, 2011
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Recently, I had the opportunity to speak to the women’s group at my church, and I realized just how much faith meant to me. I grew up Catholic, and it was very important to my mother that we go to church. However, when she was killed, God was the last person I wanted to talk [...]
The Art of Patience in the Grieving Process
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March 29, 2011
11 Responses
Quick. Fast. Now. Go. Do. Success. Power. Instant gratification is an unfortunate American archetype. I feel myself drawn to this alluring proposition constantly even when I have, on more than one occasion, realized it’s self-defeating. I want to get where I am going now, not two hours from now, not two years from now. Right [...]
The Importance of Older Women After Mother-Loss
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March 9, 2011
4 Responses
Volunteering at a hospital adorns me with friends whose ages span from 70 to 6. It’s actually quite enlightening. Occasionally a child needs looking after while a parent attends to adult things, and I have the privilege of listening to a first-grader read to me. Having friends who are older is especially important since my [...]
Mother’s Necklace is More Than Just Jewelry
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March 5, 2011
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I wore the necklace with the tiny multicolored beads every day. Its primary color was black but there were also blues, greens, reds and white. I liked the necklace because it was unique and because it matched my wardrobe. It was my favorite. I was on vacation and in a hotel room in Las Vegas [...]
Childhood Grief Can Emerge Decades Later
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February 27, 2011
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A woman came into my office yesterday. She looked exhausted, and explained that she wanted to consult with me about her 91-year-old mother who had recently been diagnosed with early stage Alzheimer ’s disease. She is the primary caregiver and had missed quite a lot of work recently due to her mother’s needs. She is [...]
Grieving at a Young Age
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February 15, 2011
7 Responses
In the last nine months, I’ve had the privilege of hearing from several people who have lost loved ones. I know it sounds strange to put it that way but after starting MamaQuest.org and Trauma2art.com, I became an available listener. Because I shared my experience of grief, people feel safe to tell me their story. [...]
Dad was Daughter’s Best Valentine
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February 10, 2011
4 Responses
The one-year anniversary of my dad is coming up very quickly. I often think to myself: Where did the time go? It doesn’t seem like a year at all. The first holidays quickly became the past for me, trying not to think of it and how hard it was for me and my family. Valentine’s [...]
Valentine’s Day for a Daddy’s Girl
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February 1, 2011
3 Responses
I admit it. I was always a daddy’s girl. Don’t get me wrong. I was very close to my mom, too. I was lucky. I had two loving, involved parents. Still, my dad and I were tight. When my parents split, I couldn’t bear to see him alone, so I left our cushy family home [...]
Meeting the Needs of Fatherless Children
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December 22, 2010
3 Responses
Perhaps there is one in your life, a child who needs a father, or at least a father figure while his own might be away for an extended period of time. For children, the absence of a father is most apparent during the holiday season. Children tend to dream within their means, sensing the financial [...]
Edwards Children Will Need Adult Help as They Grieve
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December 9, 2010
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The death of Elizabeth Edwards this week leaves three children without their mother, including two children ages 12 and 10. What can the Edwards family and friends do to help them through their grief? Research by psychoanalysts at the Chicago Institute for Psychoanalysis on The Effects of Early Parent Deaths showed: The most important thing [...]
‘I Want My Dad to Walk Me Down the Aisle’
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November 28, 2010
23 Responses
Have you ever wondered why the good die young? I think about that all the time. It was a perfect Saturday. The couple went to the Bronx, walked around laughing and reminiscing. They went home watched a movie with their kids, but he couldn’t fall asleep. His chest was hurting, he didn’t feel well. Suddenly, [...]
A Motherless Daughter Ponders Dating and Love
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November 16, 2010
5 Responses
At 25, I realize the experience of losing my mother will continue to evolve as time passes. Even if I had spent every waking moment with her until the day she died, I would still be here. I have no mom to talk with about my romantic relationships. She loved giving advice, so I know [...]
Father’s Early Death Inspires Questions for a Lifetime
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November 15, 2010
2 Responses
I often wonder how it went, that last week of his life. The accident was on Tuesday morning, November 14, just outside of Memphis, TN. Daddy was the passenger, taking his seatbelt off for a moment to get some books out of the back seat. The brakes failed. He went through the windshield, hitting his [...]
First Thanksgiving After a Death is Challenging
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November 13, 2010
1 Response
One night in the April that they were 4 and 9, my two sons were tucked into their beds by their loving young father, Richard. That was to be the last time they saw him. The next morning, they woke up to learn that he was dead from a heart attack. Our world had shattered [...]
Missing Mom At Thanksgiving
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November 4, 2010
5 Responses
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It was my mom’s too. My mother was a wonderful cook. Her turkey stuffing was simple but memorable. In fact, my brother used to tease that he was going to make a stuffing sandwich with the leftover the next day. I think he really did. It tasted even better on [...]
Keep Thinking of Your Loved One Through Holidays
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November 1, 2010
2 Responses
As the weather turns, many of us dread the thought of the upcoming holidays. Perhaps it marks another year without our dearly missed loved one. It forces social gatherings upon us and maybe even uncomfortable discussions regarding our lost loved ones. This year, my Dad’s birthday actually falls on Thanksgiving. I lost him to cancer [...]
Channeling My Mother’s Guidance
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October 29, 2010
1 Response
My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was five but her infectious enthusiasm allowed those around her to forget she was sick. She dropped everything for me and constantly told me not to worry. She accepted her breast cancer and brushed it off so I did the same. Eventually, in the last few [...]
Daughter Feels Little Support for Mother Loss
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October 22, 2010
8 Responses
Question from a reader: I tearfully happened upon your website by chance this morning. My dearest friend, my mom, died in my arms this past month. I had brought her here to live with me after her colon cancer returned. From the moment of diagnosis, I watched her hurt and endure so much treatment, never [...]
One October Day
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September 16, 2010
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Remember on that October day? You were very determined To have it your way. Even though you cared You didn’t want me there. Daddy, I needed to be near. Remember on that October day? I wanted to have it my way. Determined to stay. You knew that I was scared More than my heart could [...]
