This version of the typical children’s memory game (known in some circles as Concentration) is for grieving families to share memories of a departed one. It was therapeutic for me to make, and while playing, the kids rehearse memories as they refine their recall and spacial skills. Materials: – cardboard large enough to make your [...]
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Giving to Others Helps the Griever
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August 18, 2010
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When your child dies at any age a part of you dies with them. Whether they only lived within the womb or whether they lived thirty years, a part of you is lifeless. The question you must ask yourselves is: What are you going to do with that missing piece? Can it ever be filled? [...]
Mother Leaves Memory Box to Grateful Daughters
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July 25, 2010
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The following is based on a true story: Some time after our mother’s death, my sister and I arranged to meet at our mother’s home to begin the process of sorting out her belongings. It was a beautiful spring morning; the sun was shining and the first blossoms were appearing on the trees. There was a mix [...]
To We Who Have Lost Our Fathers, Happy Father’s Day
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June 20, 2010
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A few weeks ago, it was my father’s birthday. Although he died 38 years ago, his memory is always in my heart. And it is in these days — anniversaries, birthdays, Father’s Day — that his memory comes to life again with more intensity, with more pain, with more emotions. It is in these days [...]
Father Died Young but Left Lasting Legacy
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June 19, 2010
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I see my mother everywhere. Though I never looked like her, I can now see a physical resemblance and so many of my qualities remind me of her. Not so for my dad. Everyone said I looked like him, but I no longer can see the resemblance. I never had the good fortune to get [...]
My Father’s Legacy: Respect, Hard Work, Love of Country
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June 18, 2010
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My father was an immigrant who came to the United States when he was 15 years old. As he did not speak a word of English, he joined the kindergarteners in learning the language. Each month, as his skills improved, he was bumped up a grade until he finally arrived at the appropriate level and [...]
Remembering Dad in Poetry
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June 17, 2010
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Father’s Day in 2007 was one of the real highlights of the relationship I had with my dad. Mom had died in May, 2007. Dad was wearing out (he was 94), but hung on until Mom died. He seemed to be doing well for a couple of months after Mom’s death, but it was short-lived. [...]
The Miracle of the Vigil
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June 10, 2010
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On Friday, November 5, 1999, as the sun rose over the ocean at St. Simons Island, Georgia, my mother, LuReese Watson Robertson, quietly yielded her spirit to God’s eternal care. The week before had been a time of prayers and tearful goodbyes for our family as we watched her slip away. In the hours I [...]
Dating Again Brings Up Feelings of Love and Loss
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May 20, 2010
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Recently, I started dating. This major event in my life has brought up questions about my mother and father. What would they think of this man? Would my father be protective? Would my mother tell me stories of her dating experience? All of these questions bring pain and despair. I am encompassed by the reality [...]
Love Never Dies
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May 10, 2010
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I sat with my father for the last time on Thursday, the 18th of December, 2008. His condition was not much different from the past several days; he was sleeping and unresponsive. For so many days now, I’d been sitting at his bedside, holding his hand, talking to him and wondering if he even heard [...]
Mother Taught Son How to Grieve With Dignity
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May 9, 2010
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My mother, Sadie B. Roberts, died on March 11, 1994 at the age of 77, due to complications arising from a massive bacterial infection. She died less than 24 hours after being admitted to the hospital. Her death left a tremendous void in my life. My mother raised me as a single parent, since I [...]
Thank You for Loving Me
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May 8, 2010
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When I was born God gave me The greatest gift of all He gave me my mother. My mother’s love was Unconditional. Her love was Sacrificial, but infinite. Everyday I’m grateful To my Lord For his precious gift A mother’s love. Through her I learned Faith, Hope and Love. The greatest of these Is love. [...]
Making Amends After Mom is Gone
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May 8, 2010
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Mother’s Day had been one of the most dreaded days of my life for a long time–until I learned that guilt can be overcome and forgiveness can take place after the death of your mother. The Mother’s Day before the loss of my stillborn son, I did something that was so out of character for [...]
The First Mother’s Day Without Mine
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May 7, 2010
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I’ve always been adept at compartmentalization or, as it’s less euphemistically known, DENIAL. I’ve read some wonderful books about the grieving process and its non-linear stages, most notably Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler’s On Grief and Grieving. While those books were comforting, I confess that being an only child and a New Yorker make me [...]
Mother’s Day Transforms After Mom’s Suicide
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May 6, 2010
1 Response
A woman I know recently wrote me an email that read: “Little children, I remember, I wonder, was it really me and was it really them?” This little comment struck me because I’ve mused in this very way about my mother who took her own life in October 1987. I’ve thought to myself: Did my [...]
Mother’s Death Means ‘Losing Our World’
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May 5, 2010
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As Mother’s Day approaches, we find ourselves thinking about the relationship that started it all, and about our need to honor the woman who helped to make the world a better place. Indeed, perhaps the greatest partnership of all, and one that aids most in the replenishment of a holier, more “Divine” world, is the [...]
Coping With Mother’s Day When Your Mom Has Passed On
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May 4, 2010
3 Responses
Mother’s Day has to be one of the worst days of the year if you have already lost, or are in the midst of losing, your mom. Wherever you go, there are reminders that your mom isn’t here or soon won’t be, ads for what gifts you should buy her, reminders to get her cards [...]
Poem: A Soul
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April 21, 2010
1 Response
Hiding amongst The shadows Of a broken heart Lives a soul Torn apart. Blistered and Burned by Death’s Blinding rays Fear of tomorrow Remain today. Peering through The crevasses of Hope and faith Reality slaps her Back into place. Rays of sunshine Happiness and Joy Once trusted And, vital Not anymore. Deborah Ann Tornillo Author, [...]
Poem: High on a Shelf
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April 19, 2010
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I put my heart in a box Placed it high on a shelf Where it will be safe with Loving memories of you. When I’m filled with sorrow I’ll peek inside the box Feel my grieving heart and Remember joy with you. When I’m filled with anger I’ll peek inside the box Feel my heart [...]
The Sweater: Daughter Wishes She Could Repay Father’s Gift
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April 18, 2010
5 Responses
It is the third of December 2008. I sit by my dad’s bedside, holding his hand and watching him breathe, holding my breath as his stops for several seconds, only exhaling when he finally takes another faltering breath. I count: ten seconds of silence followed by a gasping breath, then fifteen seconds of shallow noisy [...]
Music Helps Tap into Good Memories of Dad
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April 8, 2010
1 Response
My dad died in July of 2009. It was a great loss for me, as I had lost my mom 6 years earlier. He was in declining health, but nothing seemed life threatening. Then he had a sudden aneurysm in his stomach, and was gone less than 2 hours after being taken to the hospital. My dad [...]
Poem: A Gift of Sorrow
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March 31, 2010
1 Response
I close my eyes It all goes away. Today, tomorrow The sorrow. I open my eyes Rushes back in. Curse at my Lord I’ve committed a sin. If I keep them closed I hide within. Will he forgive me? I’ve cursed him. Open my eyes Accept tomorrow. The gift he’s given The sorrow. Deborah Ann [...]
Looking Through the Window: A View of ‘Home’
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March 26, 2010
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It is the summer of 2007. At eighty-five years old, my mother is in the hospital for the second time in as many weeks. She is weak and tired and more than a little frightened. At the age of eighty, her kidneys failed. She’s been a dialysis patient for five years now, and while it’s [...]
Poem: A Blind Eye
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March 24, 2010
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Can I turn a blind eye? Say to myself “It is what it is” or Turn a face of denial? I can turn it on Right or wrong. Trying to stay strong For however long. Torment, a reality Eats away at the core Continue to pray, Pray to My Lord. Can I turn a blind [...]
Poem: A Struggle Within
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March 23, 2010
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Fall of 2007 He opened the Gates of Heaven. He took them By their hand. To a Promised Land. He showed them A shining light. An Eternal Life. Spring of 2010 Still struggling and Missing them. In this distant land He promised to Hold my hand. Still struggling and Missing them. A struggle within. Deborah [...]
