Synchronicity is far more than a rock album. It is the term coined by Carl Jung, a Swiss psychotherapist, to describe the phenomenon in which events are connected in such a meaningful way that their occurrence seems to defy the calculations of probability. Part of my new normal since my granddaughter was born still is [...]
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Hope Eternal: Miscarriage Doesn’t End Mother-Daughter Bond
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March 5, 2011
1 Response
We call her Hope. Our baby, lost to us in late January 2003, was with us only briefly. Eight weeks to be exact. Not long enough to take her first breath, but long enough to be a reality in my heart. Long enough for me to imagine holding her in my arms. Long enough to [...]
Poem: My Anna, My Angel
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March 3, 2011
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Across the room, I feel your touch. So perfect, only Heaven can hold you. Above the silence, I hear your laugh. So perfect, only Heaven can hold you. Through the night, I see your face. So perfect, only Heaven can hold you. Stretching into the morning, your heart beats with mine. So perfect, only Heaven [...]
Meditations on the Word ‘Still’
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August 15, 2010
6 Responses
“But after tempest . . . /There came a day as still as heaven” (Tennyson) Still. An ordinary word, brief, easy to pronounce. When my sons were toddlers, I often told them to hold still while I was brushing their hair, changing their clothes, bundling them into snow suits. I would ask them to please [...]
Father Takes on Mission After Surviving Death of Two Children
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May 11, 2010
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I grew up in a typical blue collar Midwest City where working hard and playing hard was a way of life. Men were expected to toughen up when times got rough and plow through them. There wasn’t room for weakness. When things became too much, you headed to the bar for a few hours. Nobody [...]
Death of Grandchild is a Double Loss
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April 16, 2010
3 Responses
April 11 was my second-born grandson, Conner’s, birthday. He would have been 16 this year. Oh, the fun age. The 16th birthday, to me, is when you no longer feel like you are a child but not quite an adult. You aren’t quite sure where to go with those feelings you have inside you. Also, [...]
Grandmother Shares Story of Double Loss
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January 18, 2010
1 Response
January 25th will be my third grandchild’s birthday. There won’t be any cake or ice cream or a party. She isn’t here with us. Instead we will put balloons on her gravesite. She would have been 14. Her name was Jacy Kay. She had my middle name. We would have had another teenager in the family. When [...]
The Birth of Purpose: Foundation Emerges from Stillbirth
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October 20, 2009
5 Responses
A mother’s viewpoint of grief: deep and profound Nicole Alston recalls: April 29, 2005, was our due date, and like any typical first-time parents responding to the initial signs of labor, my husband Paul and I dashed to the hospital full of hope and promise. After years of unexplained infertility and a miscarriage in 2003, we [...]
October: Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month
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October 4, 2009
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In 1988, when President Ronald Reagan declared October to be Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, I was still in college, not yet married, and motherhood was a distant point in my future. The proclamation, even if I had heard about it, would have sailed right past my consciousness. Five years later, when I became [...]
Keeping and Sharing Memories of Our Babies
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September 17, 2009
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When my friend Dawn was pregnant with triplets, due the following June, her husband Andy wanted to surprise her with a special piece of jewelry for Christmas. He had no idea what to get, so the sales lady helped him pick a stone. “Get her an amethyst because it’s purple, for royalty, and your wife [...]
When a Miscarriage Occurs After Fertility Treatments
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April 15, 2009
1 Response
By Kira Copperman, LMSW – Being a patient at a fertility clinic brings moments of anxiety, hope, excitement, fear, and stress. The time and effort to become pregnant can feel like an emotional roller coaster and certainly a different route to conception than one may have imagined. A Harvard Medical School study showed that patients [...]
Horror of Pregnancy Loss Inspires Mother to Grow
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March 30, 2009
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By Suzanne Schafer – My husband and I lost a baby during the middle of my pregnancy. From the first moment the doctor told me, with a deep, pained look on his face, that our baby had passed away, I felt grave sorrow in my heart which surged down to my core. Shortly after this [...]
What Makes Pregnancy Losses Unique
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March 20, 2009
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by Irv Leon, Ph.D. – People who suffer miscarriages and stillbirths grieve over a baby they do not know. Understanding how these losses are different from other losses helps to appreciate the distinct way they are mourned. Here are several ways that pregnancy loss is unique. 1. It can feel less real. When you grieve, you typically recall [...]
The Good Grief Club is Born
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March 12, 2009
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By Monica Novak I didn’t see it coming. None of us did. How could we? For Heidi, Tracy, Wendy, and me, it came with the words, “There’s no heartbeat.” For Dawn, Beth, and Darlene, the crushing blow was, “There?s nothing more we can do.” Miscarriage, stillbirth, infant death–these were things that happened to other people. [...]
The Good Grief Club
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March 10, 2009
1 Response
by Monica Novak – I didn’t see it coming. None of us did. How could we? For Heidi, Tracy, Wendy, and me, it came with the words, “There’s no heartbeat.” For Dawn, Beth, and Darlene, the crushing blow was, “There’s nothing more we can do.” Miscarriage, stillbirth, infant death-these were things that happened to other [...]
How to Support a Friend Who is Grieving a Miscarriage or Infant Death
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February 16, 2009
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By Chellie Bonebrake – The death of an infant or a miscarriage is so sad. Many times it’s difficult to know what to say, how to say it, and of course you may be wondering what not to say. Often those worries keep people from reaching out to support friends and loved ones who are [...]
Pregnancy After Pregnancy Loss
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February 5, 2009
1 Response
By Dr Lina Kaplan – Pregnancy loss presents a formidable challenge to bereaved parents. Grieving parents often report a profound sense of isolation and alienation at the time when they most need support. Many people do not fully appreciate the attachment that already has formed between the parents and their unborn child, nor the symbolic [...]
Stillbirth: “We Knew You Before You Were Born”
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January 14, 2009
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By Judith O’Reilly – I love my children. All four of them: there is one I cannot hold. Not true. I hold him in my heart. I just cannot hold his hand in mine. He would be eight today. Two days before he was due to be born, he stopped moving. I did the things [...]
I Lost My Daughter
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December 12, 2008
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From The Grief Blog, March 27, 2008 I lost my daughter Lanai on March 9, 2008. She would have been my first. I miss her so much and it hurts. I know that I will get through it but dealing with this alone has been extremely difficult. I find comfort in reading everyone’s comments to [...]
Poem: I Dreamed Today
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December 12, 2008
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I DREAMED TODAY, of a little one being born, with ten little toes, ten little fingers and a pug little nose, AND I PRAYED. I DREAMED TODAY, that my little one opened her eyes and noticed that I was her mom, and she looked at me with such a smile and eyes so bright it [...]
Poem: Return to Me!
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September 18, 2008
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By Trudy-Ann Ewan The day I was told you came into the world Was the day I was told you had left I didn’t understand, how did I not know that I was blessed With such a gift I wish you had waited for me to get to know you Maybe you thought that if [...]
Remembering a Child Who Lived a Short Life
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September 10, 2008
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By Jenny Hander One of the greatest tragedies in losing a baby is that you don’t get the chance to form enough memories to carry you through a lifetime of living without them. It isn’t that you forget to remember; it is that you don’t have many memories to recall. Though I think of my [...]
After Miscarriage, Husband Wonders When It’s Time to Try Again
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June 26, 2008
1 Response
Dear Dr. Gloria and Dr. Heidi, My wife, who is 35, miscarried after two months. It has been four months and she is still talking about the baby and is stressed about getting pregnant again. Is this normal? I just think we should get on with it and try again. We aren’t getting any younger. [...]
