my mind keeps denying that my dad is gone

well i am 23 and single i used live with both my parents my parents had been married for 30 years and no matter how much they fought they loved each other like anythin, i mean they used to talk and talk all night still.. my dad was so good lookin and he used to look so young no one could tell he was our dad mum has been always ill and he has always been running here and there for her even he used to still do my and my sisters stuff like we were little kids, he spoilt us like anything he always made us feel the most special in the world he loved us more then our mum or more then any can ever, i was in the other city related to some work only had been 3 weeks and he was with my sister and mum and suddenly i heard the news that he has has passed away, its been a month now and i was at the funeral and everything but my mind keeps rejecting the fact that he has passed away i mean how could one person who was so healthy and fit and looked so young can just go we never ever thought anythin will happen to him i cant deal with the pain its like my mind keeps erasing the fact that he has died cause it didnt happen infront of me and he never even talked about dying and even in the worst nightmare i never thought and i see my mum it kills me i have been susidal few times too because of it i just dont want to even move on i mean how can i just go on without him?…. i have only learnt that good people go sooner and rest of ur unlucky people just stay to suffer i just cant wait for the day i will get to meet him again but till i m alive i can not accept that he is no longer around maybe i m beter that way? …

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