Not knowing Mum had died

It will be a year on April the 2nd which was good Friday that I found out my poor mother had died. She had been dead nearly 2 years but my father wanted to punish me for things past so did not tell me and got one of his sisters to telephone me and tell me.

My father and mother have not spoken to me four at least 6 years, but I have found out since my mother wanted to ring me and my father would not let her. My twin brother kept this a secret from me also, so I was not allowed to see my mother before she died in hospital and did not go to the funeral which are all the things you need to go through to help you come to terms with such a big loss as losing your mum.

My last year has been hell I cannot cope with my mothers death and the wicked thing my brother and father have left me to cope with, I have had counseling for a whole year but not being able to hold my mum or say goodbye and tell my mum how much I loved her feels me with despair anguish guilt. I did write to my parents but my father tore the letters up and has torn all my photos up. I will never get over this but somehow have to live with it, some hope!

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  • Cora Ruff says:

    Jeanette,
    First let me say I am so sorry about the death of your dear mother. I am even sorrier that you dad chose to punish you and not notify you.
    It is such a heavy burden to carry along with the grief of the loss.
    You indicated you have been in counseling to help deal with these issues?
    Have you begun any exercises including rituals to say goodbye to her? What about exercises such as letter writing to express your love to and for her? Then you might be assisted to remember her life and keep her memory alive through a living memorial. Many people have found some of these techniques to be very therapeutic. Finally is there some higher power to seek comfort through? These are just some thoughts that come to mind. Peace and love to you. Cora

  • zia RJ says:

    i feel wht u feel, wish i were thre to erase ur pain n tears.. Allah knows best, n lyf must go on……….may Allah frgives her