When we speak of grief and loss, we think in terms of people, places, events and tragedies. Yet, there are other losses that are present in our lives that occur on a more corporate level. At times, these losses are harder to define, and when they are, linguistics often fall short of describing the feelings [...]
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Thanksgiving Eve ‘Miracle’ Service
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February 20, 2012
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The death of my son Adam in 1997 was (and still is) the most difficult thing I have ever had to face in my life. Adam died in August of 1997 in a firey airplane accident in New Richmond, WI. Little did I know, or could have imagined, that God would prepare my heart and [...]
Grieving Men, Raising Boys
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February 18, 2012
3 Responses
Last night I sat in a room filled with grieving men Some missing a parent or sibling but most a spouse For once not a minority sandwiched within a group of women, but a part of a group connected to one another by gender, death, and heartache. This morning as I looked into the eyes [...]
Remembering ‘The Last Lecture’ co-author Jeff Zaslow
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February 17, 2012
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“Best selling author, Jeffrey Zaslow, who wrote best-sellers such as The Last Lecture about a professor dying of pancreatic cancer and a recent book on U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords’ recovery was killed February 10th in a car accident. Mr. Zaslow, 53, is survived by his wife and three daughters.” Soon after our daughter Erin was [...]
Remembering Whitney Houston
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February 12, 2012
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And I will always love you. I will always love you. My first introduction to the song was in 1974, way before SHE recorded it for “The Bodyguard.” I am a longtime fan of Dolly Parton’s. I’ve loved that song for a long time! News of her death crept up on me this morning. An [...]
‘Iron Lady’ Touches Aging Widows’ Hearts
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February 11, 2012
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I just returned from seeing Meryl Streep’s remarkable performance as Margaret Thatcher in “Iron Lady,” for which she surely should win an Oscar. But she also should win that Oscar for touching aging widows’ hearts. Like Margaret, many of us went through our husband’s shoes, clothes, and treasures — along with old family photos — [...]
A Psychologist’s Suicide
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February 9, 2012
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The word came last week that a friend and colleague, a clinical psychologist, had committed suicide. She had suffered a hammering of profound losses and fell into a deep hole of depression. She had placed herself in good professional hands, was hospitalized for two weeks, and released with medications and a discharge summary that she, [...]
Maintaining a Healthy, Healing Relationship after Death
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February 5, 2012
1 Response
Ken sat on the couch across from me, smiled and exclaimed, “I stopped it! The uncontrollable crying. I stopped it!” Just the week prior, I had been at a loss as the 59-year-old self-avowed “Momma’s boy” cried with an overpowering despair. He had been completely inconsolable over the death of his 82-year-old mother. As a [...]
Accepting What We Cannot Control
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February 1, 2012
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“Control yourselves!” How many times did my little brother and I hear that from our parents growing up? As we got older, no one expressed those sentiments to us because we had somewhat “learned” as children to control ourselves through parents, schools, jobs and relationships. I think there has to be some sort of balance [...]
How Can I Receive a Sign or Message?
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January 30, 2012
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When grief and pain are your daily companions, you have questions. We all ask many questions after a loved one dies. We want validation of and answers to these questions. This uncertainty is a part of our grief process but can there be comfort or relief in this process. We remember the close bond with [...]
Seeing Signs of Deceased Son
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January 28, 2012
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As a public speaker and radio/TV show host, many people have asked me if I have ever “seen signs” of my son’s presence. It may seem like a simple question, but when you really start to think about it, the answer is very complicated — in a simple way. Yes. I “see signs.” Early in [...]
A Letter to Suicide Survivors
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January 25, 2012
3 Responses
Dear Suicide Survivors: You are not alone. I know it feels that way, but I can assure you that there is help. I know you feel that no one can relate to what you’re going through, that your world is hopeless, and that your life will never be worth living. I understand. I felt the [...]
Help Can Come from Unexpected Sources, Like Ukelele Music
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January 22, 2012
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Years ago, I heard an author say all life experiences applied to a book when he was writing it. The same could be said of grief support. When you’re grieving, you may find help in unexpected places and from unexpected people — like a professional ukulele player. Today, as I was surfing television channels, I [...]
Finding Joy After Heartbreak
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January 21, 2012
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As we go through our day-to-day lives, we complain about work, kids, finances, etc. But what we keep forgetting to do is find joy every day. Not every day is a good day. Sometimes it seems like there is too much going on in life that you won’t be able to get it all done. This [...]
When You Want to Join Your Loved One in Death
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January 19, 2012
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Many of you have found your way to this oasis of hope by following a trail of tears. Many of you grieve. Many of you have suffered under the heavy burden of loss. You find camaraderie here. Understanding. Unity. Friendship. Compassion. But it doesn’t replace the son, daughter, lover, friend or sibling that is no [...]
Suicide Survivor Seeks Solace
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January 17, 2012
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Suzanne, the mother of a young woman who died from suicide, gave me permission to share her article. — Carol Loehr It has now been two years (November 16, 2009) since my sweet Jessica died from suicide. Each day, I fight back the tears of her loss and try to “get on with life,” but late [...]
The Broken Places
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January 16, 2012
17 Responses
I was watching a promotional ad on television recently for the show “Intervention” and saw a quote from Ernest Hemingway, which read: “The world breaks everyone, and afterward many are strong at the broken places.” Actually, this quote is a passage from Hemingway’s novel: “A Farewell to Arms.” Hemingway was one of the great American [...]
What Can One Fear After Worst Fear is Realized?
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January 12, 2012
4 Responses
My greatest fear has always been losing a child, and anybody that I am close to knows this. I spoke about it often, and the fear was so nagging that it ate away at my soul and wouldn’t let my mind rest. In fact, when my children were infants, I frequently had to talk myself [...]
Extraordinary Experience: Signs from Beyond
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January 11, 2012
4 Responses
Let me emphasize at the outset that I have been trained in the scientific method and hold a dutiful respect for science. However, I have no doubt whatsoever that many bereaved people receive signs or messages from their deceased loved ones or a Supreme being that helps them deal with their losses and reinvest in [...]
Gardens and Grief
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January 10, 2012
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Do you remember when I told you how I love wild violets? I love them when their little purple faces first peek up out of the ground soon after the crocuses have thrust their heads up. Crocuses emerge in their amazing way, right up through snow, surprising us with nearly forgotten promise of color to [...]
Son Sends Signs that He’s Never Far Away
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January 4, 2012
2 Responses
When our second son, Lance, was born, he quickly found the middle two fingers of his right hand served his well as a pacifier. His index and little finger extended straight up on each cheek creating the “hook’em horns” symbol made famous by the University of Texas at Austin. When his habit continued as a [...]
A New Year’s Hope: Prayer for Peace
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December 31, 2011
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Prayer for Peace If there is to be peace in the world, There must be peace in the nations. If there is to be peace in the nations, There must be peace in the cities. If there is to be peace in the cities, There must be peace between neighbors. If there is to be [...]
Unplanned Hope
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December 22, 2011
1 Response
To this day, I still do not know why I did it. I was serving as a Roman Catholic Priest then, and fell very ill the night of a wedding rehearsal. The religious sister with whom I worked offered to drive me the 25 miles to the Church where the wedding was to occur. We [...]
A Skeptic’s Journey Through Grief
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December 20, 2011
2 Responses
As a physician with a strong science background, I used to regard all things spiritual with a jaded eye—until the recent suicide of my young son, Erik. Since then, my life has been cleaved into two parts: The Before and The After, The Bliss and The Dark Despair. Everyone deals with grief differently. I heal [...]
Don’t Let Grief Steal Your Christmas
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December 12, 2011
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On a cold, Sunday morning, as I was preparing to go to church, I got word from Iowa of a terrible accident. During the night, a young member of our family had been taken from us. It is the kind of turn in life that just doesn’t make sense this side of Heaven. Speaking through [...]
