Loss of a Family Member

Honor and duty can be strong but loss is painful. Read and listen to stories of others who understand.

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    Supporting Military Families After Combat Death

    Posted on August 11, 2011 - by Ami Neiberger-Miller

    The devastating loss of 30 military service members in Afghanistan has left more than 300 people grieving the death of someone they love. Many people, even if they do not personally know the families of those who died, want to know how to express their condolences and support the families left behind. Reaching out to express condolences is a natural and heartfelt reaction to tragedy.  TAPS, the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, offers the following tips for those seeking to express sympathy and support to the families of those who died recently in Afghanistan: Be understanding. The surviving families are […]

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    Hats Off to a World War II Vet

    Posted on May 29, 2011 - by Mary Jane Hurley Brant

    Yesterday was a wonderful day. While standing in line at the pharmacy, the gentleman behind me smiled. I don’t go to the CVS to make friends, but somehow yesterday I did. This older fellow’s smile, along with his vet’s hat, was engaging. He looked too young to have been in WWII so I asked him. “Yes, I was in the Navy, this was my ship.  (He pointed to his hat.) Spent a good deal of time in New Guinea and the South Pacific.” He was tall, tan and handsome. I thought he must have been just a kid back then. […]

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    Heaven Bound

    Posted on May 6, 2011 - by Deborah Tornillo

    Heaven Bound   Year after year On your special day Mother’s Day I brought you flowers Gave you a hug and kiss Reminded you how special you were.   Every one of those years I knew you were grateful For my gifts and my love Yet, a sadness remained In your beautiful blue eyes It remained throughout the years.   I remember that dark day When we were told that Your only son, my only brother Was killed in war On Mother’s Day Body never recovered.   But, this Mother’s Day I will rejoice for you, and Will no longer […]

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    How to Support Families Grieving After Fort Hood Tragedy

    Posted on November 9, 2009 - by Ami Neiberger-Miller

    The horrific tragedy at Fort Hood has sent our nation into mourning, and many want to know how to express their condolences and support to the families left behind. Reaching out to express condolences is a natural and heartfelt reaction to tragedy.  TAPS, the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, offers the following tips for those seeking to express sympathy and support to the families of those who died at Fort Hood. Be understanding. The surviving families are in tremendous shock in the immediate days and weeks following the death of their loved one. Understand that families may need to be […]

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    Siblings of Military Casualties Offered Help

    Posted on October 26, 2009 - by Ami Neiberger-Miller

    A sibling relationship should be a lifelong friendship, but for those losing a brother or sister who served in the military, the pain and sorrow can be overwhelming. Adult siblings left behind must contend with their own grief and shock, adjust to an altered family structure and assume new responsibilities. To help brothers and sisters cope, the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, TAPS held its first weekend retreat for siblings in 2008. The retreat was modeled after the organization’s regional seminars, which help surviving family members process their grief reactions, develop coping skills, and establish support networks. “Siblings often experience […]

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    God Will Answer My Prayers

    Posted on October 21, 2009 - by Deborah Tornillo

    In 1968 my brother, Danny who was 19 years old was killed in Vietnam. At the time, I was 15 years old. His helicopter was shot down and according to eye witnesses exploded in mid-air and then landed on the banks of a river. Because of heavy, enemy ground fire his body was never recovered. To date, he is listed as MIA (Missing in Action). After the loss of my brother several searches were conducted over the years, but no body was recovered. My mother and father lived the remainder of their years grieving deeply, but never gave up hope […]

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    Alleged Killings by U.S. Soldier Remind Us of War’s Psychological Toll

    Posted on May 31, 2009 - by Norman Fried

    By Dr. Norman Fried — The headlines of many U.S. newspapers this week report that five Americans are dead after a U.S. soldier opened fire at a U.S. base on Camp Liberty in Baghdad, where soldiers were receiving psychological treatment for the stresses of combat or from personal issues. The shooting causes all of us to consider the power of post traumatic stress disorder or PTSD, particularly when it results from wartime stress. PTSD is noted by a persistent impairment in adaptive functioning that is triggered by a traumatic injury or incident. Laurence Miller, in his book, Shocks to the […]

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    Memorial Day: When You Lose a Sibling in War

    Posted on May 30, 2009 - by Ami Neiberger-Miller

    A sibling relationship should be a lifelong friendship, but for those losing a brother or sister who served in the military, the pain and sorrow can be overwhelming. Adult siblings left behind must contend with their own grief and shock, adjust to an altered family structure and assume new responsibilities. To help brothers and sisters cope, the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, TAPS held its first weekend retreat for siblings in 2008. The retreat was modeled after the organization’s regional seminars, which help surviving family members process their grief reactions, develop coping skills, and establish support networks. “Siblings often experience […]

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    The Everyday Hero

    Posted on May 25, 2009 - by Eric Tomei

    Today as we celebrate Memorial Day, honoring all of our brave men and women who put their lives on the line every day so we can continue to enjoy our daily freedoms, we remember that these people are everyday people who live in your neighborhood.   These are the people you see at the police station, corner store, or in an executive’s office.   These brave men and women are your father or my mother.   These people are our real American heroes. My Dad died three years ago from an unexpected heart attack. It was sudden and it turned […]

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    ‘Decorate Your Memory’ on Memorial Day

    Posted on May 25, 2009 - by Sharon Greenlee

    By Sharon Greenlee — When you see or hear Memorial Day, what are the first visuals and words that pop into your mind?? I see the cemetery, the funeral, my mother’s grave. I hear my grandmother’s mournful crying, and I see and hear all of this through the eyes of the ten-year old who experienced it. Before that time, Memorial Day meant American flags, and Mason jars filled with peonies placed on graves of long-past relatives that I knew only through stories. I asked this same question of two friends who haven’t lost close loved ones yet.  Growing up in […]

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    Memorial Day Reminds Us to Work for Peace

    Posted on May 22, 2009 - by Pamela Prime

    By Pamela Prime — This Memorial Day is once again a significant and special day to remember our soldiers who have offered their lives for our well-being and the well-being of the world. As our soldiers continue to be sent to the Middle East and elsewhere, we must continue to support them with our love and our prayers regardless of how we feel about war. I have a friend, Dr. John, who is now in Afghanistan. He is an orthopedic surgeon who has given seven months of his life to support the healing of our soldiers through surgery but also […]

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    Death, and Hope, in the Middle East

    Posted on May 18, 2009 - by Reg Green

    By Reg Green — When the doorbell rang in John Boria’s house in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma, on August 31, 2004, and he saw three National Guard Air Force colonels standing there, his first thought was that they had come to the wrong address. The second, a moment later, came with sickening force.  “Has something happened to my son?” he asked. Yes, they told him, something has happened. The Boria’s elder son, Capt. John Javier ‘Javy’ Boria, a 29-year-old Air Force pilot, had been injured in an off-duty accident in an all-terrain vehicle he was driving in Qatar, where he was […]

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    Vet Centers Offer Grief Counseling for Military Survivors

    Posted on April 27, 2009 - by Ami Neiberger-Miller

    Bereavement counseling is assistance and support for people with emotional stress following the death of a loved one. It can include a broad range of transition services, including outreach, counseling, and referral services. The Department of Veterans Affairs offers bereavement counseling to parents, siblings, spouses, and children of Armed Forces personnel who died in service to our country, including family members of Reservists and National Guard service members who died while serving on federally activated duty. The VA’s bereavement counseling is provided by the VA Vet Center program, which operates a system of 232 community-based counseling centers. These Vet Centers […]

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    Dealing with Media Attention After a Loved One Dies

    Posted on April 27, 2009 - by Ami Neiberger-Miller

    For many surviving families who have lost a loved one in the military, our interactions with the media are interwoven with our experiences in the days immediately after our loved one dies. We encounter the reporters on our front porch, field phone calls from the Associated Press, and might even scan pictures to share. As a seasoned public relations professional with more than a decade of experience, I am no stranger to this type of intense scrutiny from the media. I have faced attack ads and rallied supporters for threatened programs. After Hurricane Katrina, I handled an avalanche of media […]

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    Dealing With Grief Over the Holidays: Practical Tips to Help

    Posted on April 27, 2009 - by Ami Neiberger-Miller

    Holiday cheer and merrymaking may be everywhere at certain times of the year, but for thousands of Americans grieving the loss of a loved one, the holiday season can be an emotional minefield. And there’s no road map for easy navigation. “The holiday season can be particularly challenging for families who are grieving the recent loss of a loved one,” said Bonnie Carroll, the founder and chairman of the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, TAPS. “We offer tips to help surviving military families, and they are applicable to anyone who is grieving.” For more than a decade, TAPS has helped […]

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    Supporting Children Dealing with Grief During the Holidays: Tips to Help

    Posted on April 27, 2009 - by Ami Neiberger-Miller

    The holidays can be a magical time of year, but for children who have recently lost a parent, sibling, or another significant person in their lives, the holiday season can be an emotional minefield. It can also pose challenges for their still grieving surviving parents and other family members. “The holiday season can be particularly difficult for families with bereaved children because children carry their own expectations about the holidays, as well as their own grief over the loss,” said Bonnie Carroll, the founder and chairman of the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, TAPS. “The holiday season can be a […]

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    Mother Seeking Help for Military Son With PTSD

    Posted on March 4, 2009 - by Ami Neiberger-Miller

    Question from Stephanie: I am writing you in regards to my son, who was enlisted in the Army for 20+ years and at this time, he is dealing with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. In the beginning, he was having bad dreams and would constantly “jerk” during the night. Currently, the dreams seem to be getting worse. I need to find out where to go or who to call in order to get him the help he needs. I’ve been talking it over with him and he does not want to be placed on drugs. We wrote two years ago about the […]

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    Military Group Knows a Lot About Healthy Grieving

    Posted on December 30, 2008 - by Ami Neiberger-Miller

    By Ami Neiberger-Miller —

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    Military Losses Often Complicated by War Coverage

    Posted on October 7, 2008 - by Stephanie Frogge

    By Stephanie Frogge —  Living in a country at war, it’s difficult to escape the media reports, the mind-numbing statistics, the opinions of politicians, even the views of our family and friends.  The issues that drive it and the images that make it real, even to those who do not have a loved one serving in the armed forces, are inescapable parts of our current culture.  But for those whose involvement is more personal, for those whose loved ones have died while in service to their country, the very public nature of the issue is but one unique characteristic of […]

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