To this day, I still do not know why I did it. I was serving as a Roman Catholic Priest then, and fell very ill the night of a wedding rehearsal. The religious sister with whom I worked offered to drive me the 25 miles to the Church where the wedding was to occur. We [...]
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Soul Pain, Grief and Transformation
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April 19, 2011
1 Response
Between tearful sobs, Mary confides the painful story of how her life has become meaningless and of how parenting issues and marital problems have escalated since the suicide death of her teenage son, four years before. Listening to her as she speaks — bent-over, eyes averted, monotone voice — one can conclude that Mary is [...]
Hope Eternal: Miscarriage Doesn’t End Mother-Daughter Bond
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March 5, 2011
1 Response
We call her Hope. Our baby, lost to us in late January 2003, was with us only briefly. Eight weeks to be exact. Not long enough to take her first breath, but long enough to be a reality in my heart. Long enough for me to imagine holding her in my arms. Long enough to [...]
Grief Leads to Deeper Understanding of God
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February 3, 2011
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Every day, we and those around us experience loss, change, and transitions that we must grieve. Grief is intense emotional suffering caused by loss, and while it is normal, it involves hard work. Does that surprise you – that grief not only equals loss, but it involves hard grief work as well? Grief often begins [...]
Walking Wounded at the Holidays
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December 27, 2010
7 Responses
I am one of the walking wounded. On most days, you can’t see my scars. During the holidays, as families gather, plan and celebrate, my scar begins to show. It begins to deepen in color and intensity, kind of like Harry Potter’s. On non-holiday days, I can bear my scar and move on. During these [...]
Death at Center of her Life
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October 28, 2010
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Sometimes I wonder if our lives are predestined or if we really have choice. Often it seems the universe conspires to lead us in a particular direction, and no matter how hard we fight it, we are going there whether we like it or not. I had a very specific vision of what my life [...]
Where Was God?
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October 28, 2010
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co-authored with Heidi Horsley, PsyD, LMSW, MS, executive director of Open to Hope Foundation Footprints in the Sand “So I said to the Lord, You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there have only [...]
The Hard Work of Dying
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July 15, 2010
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Imagine that you’re preparing for a thirty-day trip to a foreign country and you’re limited to taking only what can be carried in a backpack. Your decisions on what to take or leave behind will determine the quality of your experience. Too many items and the weight will be burdensome. Not enough of the right [...]
Dying Woman Experiences Heaven Before Death
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June 29, 2010
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After my father, Bishop Frank L. Robertson (Brother Frank), retired from the Episcopacy of the United Methodist Church, he was asked to be the founding pastor of a new church on St. Simons Island, Georgia. He eagerly accepted the challenge, inviting many families to join the new congregation. As would be expected, these charter members [...]
Mother Tells Story of Child’s Death, Her Own Faith
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June 11, 2010
1 Response
I was coasting through life, pretty comfortably, when suddenly I experienced something no mother should have to go through. I came out on the other side only due to God’s amazing grace. I would not be here today physically or able to share this with you, if it weren’t for my Savior who has given [...]
The Miracle of the Vigil
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June 10, 2010
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On Friday, November 5, 1999, as the sun rose over the ocean at St. Simons Island, Georgia, my mother, LuReese Watson Robertson, quietly yielded her spirit to God’s eternal care. The week before had been a time of prayers and tearful goodbyes for our family as we watched her slip away. In the hours I [...]
Kevin Quiles Has New Book on Spiritual Care to Elderly
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April 20, 2010
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Spiritual Care to Elderly and Dying Loved Ones is now available. Using over a decade of experience as a spiritual and bereavement counselor, author Kevin Quiles, M.Div. — who is an Open to Hope contributing writer – provides strategies and tools to tackle pressing questions about end-of-life care. Families, friends, faith communities, ministers, and healthcare professionals will [...]
Mother Maintains Contact with Deceased Son
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April 17, 2010
6 Responses
To all of my fellow parents of deceased children — mothers and fathers – I offer greetings. I too have suffered this unthinkable loss and know the grief that accompanies it. My son, Danny, died on July 1, 2008, from an overdose of alcohol and prescription drugs, a death all too common in this day and [...]
Bond to Deceased Child Can Go On
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March 29, 2010
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From the moment you become a parent, there are two questions that become first and foremost in your mind: Where is my child? Is he/she okay? Even when you are dealing with an infant who seldom leaves your side, you still get those moments. I can remember watching my babies when they were in deep sleeps [...]
Military Families: The Shock of ‘Killed in Action’
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March 8, 2010
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One early weeknight, I accompanied military personnel to announce the most dreaded news that any family could receive. Once we arrived at the address, we walked up to the lighted front door and knocked. A few seconds later, the owner opened the door while blocking the entrance. We introduced ourselves and verified his name. Then [...]
We’re Strengthened When We Say ‘I’m Here’
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March 7, 2010
2 Responses
I recently attended calling hours to support a close friend who had suddenly lost her cousin to cancer. When I arrived, I joined the end of the receiving line and proceeded to view the television monitor which displayed a memorial of the deceased. Several people behind and in front of me were quietly talking amongst [...]
Should We Grieve?
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March 5, 2010
5 Responses
Should we grieve? The Bible says we should cry at birth and rejoice at death. So should we grieve? Webster’s Dictionary gives grief the following definition, “Deep and poignant distress caused by or as by bereavement.” It also calls it suffering. So should we grieve? First, let me say I believe there is a difference [...]
God Doesn’t ‘Zap’ Those Who Express Emotion
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February 20, 2010
3 Responses
In my twelve years as spiritual counselor, I have seen men and women choke back their feelings while simultaneously defending the Almighty who supposedly allowed the devastating events to take place. Unfortunately, both smothering of emotions and advocating for the divine have serious consequences. In this snippet of an article, I propose that emotional congestion in [...]
Dying Stands Logic on its Head
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January 26, 2010
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We often harshly judge behaviors we don’t understand. They can involve someone’s ingratitude or anger, or actions we label as foolish. I recently was guilty of the same thing here in the San Francisco Bay area with one of my hospice patients. Her ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis), also known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease, left her [...]
What is the Role of Anger in Grief?
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December 18, 2009
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What can be said about the meaning of anger; and what role does anger play in our eventual recovery from grief? We know that, as humans, we are capable of experiencing a full range of feelings, and that each of our emotions is inexorably connected to its opposite. We know that an honest life insists [...]
’60 Minutes’ Deserves Praise for Challenging Culture’s Denial of Death
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November 30, 2009
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The 60 Minutes segment on end of life expenses did more than highlight inappropriate medical costs. It spoke to the role of medical technology in our cultural denial of death. As medical technology becomes more sophisticated in forestalling our inevitable end, we mistake “prolonging life” for “immortality.” Instead of treating death as a necessary price [...]
Checking Your Support System
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October 28, 2009
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Grief creates an immediate need for support. My husband and I relied on a family support system – our elder daughter, brother and sister-in-law, and father-in-law – for many years. All of these family members lived in town and were only minutes away. Then our lives changed. In February of 2007, our daughter died from [...]
When Behaviors Don’t Make Sense
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September 15, 2009
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More than 10 years ago, I saw a black and white photograph by Richard Avedon that I still vividly remember. It was taken of a young boy in 1947 in Sicily. He was in the foreground smiling broadly and wearing a suit that was too short in the arms and too tight in the waist. [...]
Grief Film Review: ‘Departures’
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August 21, 2009
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We recommend “Departures,” the 2009 Academy Award winner for Best Foreign Language Film, currently in theaters. “Departures” is a moving, inspiring glimpse into Japan’s cultural heritage of caring for a body after death. When a young cellist loses his orchestra job, he and his wife move back to his hometown. He answers a classified ad for [...]
Of Fathers and Faith
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June 19, 2009
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Father’s Day is just ahead, and for more than 150 million Americans whose fathers have died, it will be a day of missing Dad. Father’s Day can be a traumatic day for those of us whose fathers who have died and the anticipation of the day is often as difficult – or even more difficult [...]
