When we speak of grief and loss, we think in terms of people, places, events and tragedies. Yet, there are other losses that are present in our lives that occur on a more corporate level. At times, these losses are harder to define, and when they are, linguistics often fall short of describing the feelings [...]
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A Skeptic’s Journey Through Grief
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December 20, 2011
2 Responses
As a physician with a strong science background, I used to regard all things spiritual with a jaded eye—until the recent suicide of my young son, Erik. Since then, my life has been cleaved into two parts: The Before and The After, The Bliss and The Dark Despair. Everyone deals with grief differently. I heal [...]
Yearning for Certainty in an Uncertain World
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October 18, 2011
1 Response
A woman was walking down the hallway past my counseling office after she had seen Linda, the massage therapist. My office door was open so I heard the lady remark, “Everything happens for a reason, my friend.” The certainty built into her response was comforting to me. However, I began wondering if her statement was [...]
An Uncertain Truth
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October 6, 2011
1 Response
She stood on the railroad tracks listening for the train when another sound started in the distance, soft at first then growing louder, closer. She recognized the sound, knew in a moment that the siren was coming closer, coming for her father. As she bolted down the dirt path toward home, a window opened in [...]
Did My Cat Go to Heaven?
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October 1, 2011
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Question from a reader: I have been grieving the loss of my cat for some time now, and the pain does not go away. I am still very sad and wondering what kind of help you can give me. I keep thinking—did my Mittens go to heaven or not? I had a very tight bond [...]
Can I Believe My Mother is in Heaven?
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September 26, 2011
2 Responses
I love going to psychics. I’m not sure if it’s my impetuous nature to know what is to come, the comforting assertions like “Great fortune is headed your way” or its mother-memory connection. I became loosely associated with the magic of clairvoyance at age 5. I waited in the reception area while my mother traveled [...]
Embracing Grief Does Not Mean Rejecting Faith
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August 27, 2011
5 Responses
Prior to my fiancé Greg’s accident in March 2010, my walk with Christ included daily quiet time and prayer, weekly women’s bible study, weekly young adult’s small group, weekly church service, and I served in ministry as a greeter, prayer team member and as intern in our church in women’s ministry. My walk with Christ [...]
Psalm 23 Creates Healing Connection
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August 21, 2011
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Grief is the price we pay for love. —Queen Elizabeth II My best friend was dead. My faith was shattered. It was too much for me. I felt that I, too, was dying. I desperately needed a breakthrough—a sign, if you will, that she was safe. The thoughts of her being smashed against a mountain [...]
Why Ask Questions About Your Grief Journey?
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August 9, 2011
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I recently had the honor of being the opening keynote speaker for this year’s national gathering of the Bereaved Parents of the USA. I spoke about the evolution of my grief and observations and lessons learned during the past eight-plus years that have helped me adjust to the reality of life without the physical presence of [...]
Does Your Faith Condemn You or Sustain You?
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July 15, 2011
2 Responses
When someone we love dies, especially at a young age or by violent means, our whole belief system often gets a massive shake up. The certainty that we once knew has gone. That foundation we depended on is no longer stable and true. We find ourselves in a strangely altered new world. Our faith becomes [...]
Turning Over a New Faith
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May 14, 2011
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Today, some have seriously thought of exchanging a theology once handed down to them by family members for another belief system that in their minds can better tackle the questions that accompany pain. God, as they understand God, just doesn’t seem to ease the emotional and mental anguish brought about by unexpected and vicious events. [...]
Soul Pain, Grief and Transformation
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April 19, 2011
1 Response
Between tearful sobs, Mary confides the painful story of how her life has become meaningless and of how parenting issues and marital problems have escalated since the suicide death of her teenage son, four years before. Listening to her as she speaks — bent-over, eyes averted, monotone voice — one can conclude that Mary is [...]
The Response of the Human Spirit to Loss
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March 16, 2011
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When we experience significant loss, every aspect of our humanness responds in agony. As the initial physical effects dissipate, they leave in their wake an accumulation of emotional and spiritual responses to the loss. Some of these responses begin to appear only over time, often long after the needed support offered by loved ones and [...]
Hope Eternal: Miscarriage Doesn’t End Mother-Daughter Bond
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March 5, 2011
1 Response
We call her Hope. Our baby, lost to us in late January 2003, was with us only briefly. Eight weeks to be exact. Not long enough to take her first breath, but long enough to be a reality in my heart. Long enough for me to imagine holding her in my arms. Long enough to [...]
Grief Leads to Deeper Understanding of God
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February 3, 2011
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Every day, we and those around us experience loss, change, and transitions that we must grieve. Grief is intense emotional suffering caused by loss, and while it is normal, it involves hard work. Does that surprise you – that grief not only equals loss, but it involves hard grief work as well? Grief often begins [...]
‘Arms of God’: Bereaved Mom Questions, Affirms Faith
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January 29, 2011
2 Responses
Having just experienced the miracle birth of my daughter, followed by the devastating blow of her death, I found myself unable to pray. Prayer had sustained me during the difficult pregnancy wrought with uncertainties. Early in the pregnancy, we discovered that our baby had a fatal chromosomal defect known as trisomy 18. Reeling at the [...]
Walking Wounded at the Holidays
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December 27, 2010
7 Responses
I am one of the walking wounded. On most days, you can’t see my scars. During the holidays, as families gather, plan and celebrate, my scar begins to show. It begins to deepen in color and intensity, kind of like Harry Potter’s. On non-holiday days, I can bear my scar and move on. During these [...]
Death at Center of her Life
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October 28, 2010
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Sometimes I wonder if our lives are predestined or if we really have choice. Often it seems the universe conspires to lead us in a particular direction, and no matter how hard we fight it, we are going there whether we like it or not. I had a very specific vision of what my life [...]
Where Was God?
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October 28, 2010
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co-authored with Heidi Horsley, PsyD, LMSW, MS, executive director of Open to Hope Foundation Footprints in the Sand “So I said to the Lord, You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there have only [...]
Widow’s Separation From Husband is ‘Temporary’
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July 20, 2010
16 Responses
This life is so temporary. We don’t seem to get that most times. Over the last months, it has become so clear to me that we are not meant for this earth forever. We are eternal beings with our hearts, souls and beings based in something bigger and better than this place that we walk [...]
Wife’s Sudden Death Sends Man on Faith Journey
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July 11, 2010
3 Responses
I’ve been living without my wife for seven months now. I’ve had to adjust to a great many things, but the most trying has been my struggle with my faith over that time. I’ve been angry with God, which has consumed me at times. I’ve been angry with Kathy for dying, and I’ve been angry [...]
Mother Tells Story of Child’s Death, Her Own Faith
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June 11, 2010
1 Response
I was coasting through life, pretty comfortably, when suddenly I experienced something no mother should have to go through. I came out on the other side only due to God’s amazing grace. I would not be here today physically or able to share this with you, if it weren’t for my Savior who has given [...]
What is the Meaning of Hope?
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April 20, 2010
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What is the meaning of hope, and how can it help us through the days and nights of our despair? For many, hope is a quality that imbues us with grace in the face of adversity. It is an internal process that allows us to encounter the world with awe and faith in a more [...]
Mother Maintains Contact with Deceased Son
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April 17, 2010
6 Responses
To all of my fellow parents of deceased children — mothers and fathers – I offer greetings. I too have suffered this unthinkable loss and know the grief that accompanies it. My son, Danny, died on July 1, 2008, from an overdose of alcohol and prescription drugs, a death all too common in this day and [...]
Death of Grandchild is a Double Loss
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April 16, 2010
3 Responses
April 11 was my second-born grandson, Conner’s, birthday. He would have been 16 this year. Oh, the fun age. The 16th birthday, to me, is when you no longer feel like you are a child but not quite an adult. You aren’t quite sure where to go with those feelings you have inside you. Also, [...]
