The word came last week that a friend and colleague, a clinical psychologist, had committed suicide. She had suffered a hammering of profound losses and fell into a deep hole of depression. She had placed herself in good professional hands, was hospitalized for two weeks, and released with medications and a discharge summary that she, [...]
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A Letter to Suicide Survivors
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January 25, 2012
3 Responses
Dear Suicide Survivors: You are not alone. I know it feels that way, but I can assure you that there is help. I know you feel that no one can relate to what you’re going through, that your world is hopeless, and that your life will never be worth living. I understand. I felt the [...]
When You Want to Join Your Loved One in Death
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January 19, 2012
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Many of you have found your way to this oasis of hope by following a trail of tears. Many of you grieve. Many of you have suffered under the heavy burden of loss. You find camaraderie here. Understanding. Unity. Friendship. Compassion. But it doesn’t replace the son, daughter, lover, friend or sibling that is no [...]
Suicide Survivor Seeks Solace
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January 17, 2012
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Suzanne, the mother of a young woman who died from suicide, gave me permission to share her article. — Carol Loehr It has now been two years (November 16, 2009) since my sweet Jessica died from suicide. Each day, I fight back the tears of her loss and try to “get on with life,” but late [...]
A New Year’s Hope: Prayer for Peace
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December 31, 2011
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Prayer for Peace If there is to be peace in the world, There must be peace in the nations. If there is to be peace in the nations, There must be peace in the cities. If there is to be peace in the cities, There must be peace between neighbors. If there is to be [...]
A Skeptic’s Journey Through Grief
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December 20, 2011
2 Responses
As a physician with a strong science background, I used to regard all things spiritual with a jaded eye—until the recent suicide of my young son, Erik. Since then, my life has been cleaved into two parts: The Before and The After, The Bliss and The Dark Despair. Everyone deals with grief differently. I heal [...]
Turning a Corner?
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December 8, 2011
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My sister, Sandra, was murdered. I say it, I write, I think it, and still, 26 months after her death, I have moments that I can’t believe it happened. I have moments that it still seems surreal. I have moments that I ask myself, how did this happen to my sister, our family. I did [...]
Sister Honors Brother and Herself by Recovering from Loss
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December 5, 2011
2 Responses
A surprising secret about grief is it can become like a good friend, comfortable and routine. My only sibling, a younger brother, took his life years ago and for many years, I suffered like many people do. Grief was my life, and living well enough to appear okay to others was a great effort. But [...]
Suicide Leaves Family Struggling to Cope
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December 4, 2011
3 Responses
It was the light fingernail tapping sound on the window that put my dog Minnie on high-alert. She was barking and running around in circles with her usual reliable vigilance. Before I left my easy-chair, I quickly glanced at the clock on the end-table. It was 9:05 PM. I wasn’t expecting anyone. I thought it [...]
Sister is Gone, Her Legacy is Immortal
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November 22, 2011
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“What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world, remains and is immortal”. ~ Albert Pine When I heard those words, I immediately thought about my sister. Sandra was a school teacher. She taught school for well over 30 years. She was passionate about her work, her students. [...]
Cliffs Notes for the Beginning Griever
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November 21, 2011
2 Responses
How is it we are taught to love, work, marry, and procreate, but no one teaches us how grieve? The Victorians had it down to a science. They even had a parlor in their homes where they hosted the funerals of deceased family members. That’s where the term funeral “parlor” came from. People wore black [...]
Aftershock of a Murder
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November 13, 2011
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It will soon be 26 months since my beautiful sister, Sandra, lost her life by the hands of a murderer. I think back on the last 26 months and all that happened, all I learned. I often described those months as a rollercoaster. Emotions and feelings were up and down, up and down. Lately, I’ve [...]
Celebrating the Birth of Triplets While Mourning Dad’s Suicide
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November 12, 2011
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I wish you could have been there . . . It was quite a sight. Three infant car seats with tiny faces and six wiggling hands and feet. We were going home, but my father would not be there to greet us. I had spent the last four weeks of my pregnancy in the hospital, [...]
The Year of Firsts
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September 28, 2011
6 Responses
Imagine a young son who has struggled his whole life with pain and illness. His parents have cared for his physical needs and felt responsible for his emotional well-being. Now, imagine they are witnessing their twenty-five-year-old son die from a bullet by his own hand. That profound moment began our yearlong of firsts. I know [...]
Guilty! Sister Comforted That Murderer is Confined Forever
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September 16, 2011
1 Response
The trial for my sister’s murderer ended yesterday. It was a very intense week to say the least. The state rested about 3:30 pm. The case was turned over to the jury about 4 pm. We waited. I felt confident. I knew the prosecutors had done their very best. Still we waited. Finally, about 4 [...]
10 Years Later, 9/11 Memories are Razor Sharp
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September 11, 2011
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Today is the 10th anniversary of the terror attack on the World Trade Center. Our hearts go out even now to the thousands of people who died that day: children, husbands, wives, sisters, brothers and friends. So many people mourned, are still mourning and will never forget the worst terrorist act on American soil. I [...]
The 10th Anniversary of 9/11: How You Can Help
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September 8, 2011
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On September 11, 2011, we remember the 10th anniversary of the day when nearly 3,000 victims were killed after two airliners were crashed into the Twin Towers in New York City, another plane hit the Pentagon, and a final plane crashed into a field in rural Pennsylvania. In 2001, the barrage of bruising images from [...]
After 700 Days, a Jury Trial for Man Accused
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September 7, 2011
1 Response
On August 24, 2011, I attended our 8th pre trial hearing for my sister’s murderer. Our first jury trial date was June 7, 2010, only to be continued until June 21, 2010, only to be continued to September 13, 2010, only to be continued until November 29, 2010, only to be continued until March 7, [...]
Despite Husband’s Death, He’s ‘Always There’
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September 3, 2011
1 Response
When my late husband committed suicide, it felt as if I died too. The searing pain pierced my heart so deeply that I felt disconnected from everyday life. I would watch the world go by as if it were a movie, and I did not have a part. However, my two children needed my caring [...]
Wake Me Up When September Ends
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August 29, 2011
4 Responses
In a few short days, the month of September will be upon us. As I type these words, I can physically feel my stomach flip-flopping and a knot beginning to form. What’s wrong with September? Technically … nothing. I do enjoy the last days of summer and the soon-to-be fall weather. But my oldest daughter’s birthday [...]
Son’s Suicide Reorders Family’s Life
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August 13, 2011
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Spring forced its way into Wisconsin in an unusual way in April, 1993. It strangely marked the day with headline news: “Blizzard.” It was Easter-time…a time when the sun typically began warming the earth and tulips emerged. Outside my window a cherry tree with long, thin branches swayed in the wind. The branches loaded with [...]
Norway Killings: The ‘Why’ Lingers
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August 2, 2011
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When I first heard the news about the senseless murders in Norway, my thoughts immediately went to the survivors of the murdered people: the shock, the disbelief, the surreal feelings they must be experiencing. Followed by the questions, why, who, why, why, why! Fortunately, the who has been answered. The why will linger for weeks [...]
Mass Murder in Norway Triggers Anticipatory Grief
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July 30, 2011
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The recent murders of innocent children and adults in Oslo, Norway, are a national tragedy. Like September 11th, this tragedy causes anticipatory grief. Usually we associate anticipatory grief with the failing health of a family member, friend, or pet. But anticipatory grief can affect an entire population. Anticipatory grief is a feeling of loss before [...]
Forgiving Killers is a Process
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July 29, 2011
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They were just faces to me. I wouldn’t make eye contact. Instead I focused on their clothes . . . grey-white sweatshirts, denim shirts, jeans, white sneakers. They didn’t look like inmates, more like janitors to me. I was invited to the medium-security facility in a program of restorative justice sponsored by the University of [...]
Even mass tragedy should be personal
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July 26, 2011
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In recent months I’ve watched tragedy unfold far away from me, in places like Norway and Japan, and very close to me in my home state of Alabama. As I watched the loss of life, I revisited my own personal loss and the way I view the loss of people I don’t even know. I [...]
