Surviving the Murder of a Child

Note:?Below is an email?dialogue that can be helpful to many.?Sharon’s comments are in regular type and Dr. Gloria’s response is in bolded italics.??

Hi Dr. Horsley,

My name is Sharon and I live in St. Louis Mo.? I am a survivor of a daughter, murdered in March, 2000. Her name is/was Cara’.?

?First, I want you to know I am sorry for your loss.? Losing a child is devastating.

I am in the process of doing a research paper on Bereavement – The Aftermath of Homicide.? However, I am researching the question on the grieving process – Is there a difference in losing a child through murder opposed to illness?

I have spoken with mothers who have lost a child through an illness and murder.? They said although they loved each child the same, the grieving process is far greater losing the one to murder.?

Is there any way you can expound on this question?? I would love to get your professional view.? Sounds like you have only interviewed women.? I think men have a different take and want to kill the guy.

I know you are very busy, but if you can just give me a short synopsis of the question matter, it would be greatly appreciated.? I can quote your findings in my paper.

Dr. Horsley……thank you so much for your time.

If you cannot accomodate me, I understand.

Sincerely,

I am firstly very sorry to hear about Cara and I would suggest you listen to the show with Richard or Dr. Thompson.? Then listen to some shows where children have died of other causes.? These shows are archived on The Grief Blog.

Good for you taking on this project…? If you are going to do your dissertation on it you might want to scale it down a bit.? A big issue in Homicide and whether the person who murdered the child is still alive.? If they are involved with the legal system the process really drags on with legal issue and keeping them in jail.? Listen to? the show with French Smith.? Many parents have guilt but it seems to be a very strong emotion with parents of murdered children.? Guilt and anger.? In my opinion it takes eight years to really get it all together and guilt and anger? can impact that process.? In the end they are gone and it really doesn’t matter how they went. Hope this has been helpful.? I will put it on the Blog and maybe others will share their experiences.?

Dr. Horsley,
?
I want to thank you so much for your reply.? I truly appreciate you and YES your response helped tremendously.
?
I have an organization that I founded when my daughter Cara’ was murdered in March 2000.? Mothers With A Mission (MWAM) – so since I am out of school now and have more time to contribute to my website etc – I would like to speak with you in the near future to see if I could you use you as a professional on the site.
?
If you are too busy, that is understandable – however, I could have a link to your site for parents to ask questions…
?
Again, THANK YOU!!
?
Sharon

Dear Sharon,
So glad that my comments have helped.? We will add your site to our blog.? We are happy that you are using your loss to help others.? I appreciate your offer to be a professional on your site however, all of my efforts are currently aimed at the radio show, our book Teen Grief Relief and tha blog.? We would be pleased to have our blog and radio show linked from your site.? Have a great day and keep us the good work. Thanks again for your interest.? Gloria

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