Feeling discouraged? Relax and tune into the Open to Hope podcast and hear Dr. Gloria Horsley and Dr. Heidi Horsley interview guests with inspiring stories about recovery from loss.
“How are you?” It is such a seemingly simple, benign question. Often, those who ask the question are not doing so out of real concern, but just as a polite, meaningless pleasantry. Just as often, those who answer the question would never think to respond with anything other than the implicitly expected “I’m fine” or “Good. How are you?” – even if everything wasn’t fine. But what happens when the simple question of “How are you?” becomes a harsh reminder of the isolation felt by anyone struggling with overwhelming grief? What happens when it becomes the silent signpost marking the […]
The night was cold, the fire burning old And the shepherd couldn’t take his eyes off his flock His stare was dry, life the air of the night And his head he was able to move, could not. He was aware of the dangers Of the night’s freezing strangers So he had extra help, his fire Little did he know, he was starting to doze But he had to stay awake, for he was required. He was freezing and shaking But a howl was an awakening Of someone in the night he should have caught The thief had gathered all […]
By Sandra Pesmen — If you want to celebrate any holiday, especially Father’s Day, you have to learn to deal with anger and guilt. Whether we widows admit it or not, when our spouse dies, most of us feel guilty because we survived. We fear we may not have been as kind as we could have been all the time. We feel guilty because we didn’t prepare his favorite dinner more often. We feel guilty because we made him see movies (and people) he didn’t like. There are endless “guilts,” says therapist Judy Berg, of Highalnd Park, Ill., who spoke […]
In recent months I’ve watched tragedy unfold far away from me, in places like Norway and Japan, and very close to me in my home state of Alabama. As I watched the loss of life, I revisited my own personal loss and the way I view the loss of people I don’t even know. I feel great empathy for the people that are dealing with the loss of loved ones in the wake of the attack on Norway, the tsunami in Japan and the tragic loss of life during the April 27 tornado outbreak that killed many near my home. […]
Do you ever think that the networks are missing out on the ultimate reality series? What has more drama, sick humor, running mascara, and (sometimes) hair-pulling than widowhood? When I think of the millions that could have been made on my life in the last few years, it seems like such a waste. Anyone with a camcorder could have followed me around discreetly as I annoyed family members, shocked random bystanders, and started my own wine bottle recycling program and they would have been set for life. (If you’re reading this and you’re a producer, shoot me an email.) Forgive […]
I’ve been thinking a lot about friendships lately and how they change and I know that’s also on the minds of many of my widow(er) friends out there. I guess it’s that time of year…when friends and family seem to get together more than usual, so friendships and how they change are pretty much “in your face” right now. This is something I’ve wanted to write for a long time, but I wanted to write it very carefully. I don’t ever want to come across as someone who doesn’t understand or who dismisses how hard widowhood can be. Believe me…I’m […]
I often hear from grieving dads who tell me they feel alone in their grief after the death of their child. It amazes me that after going through something as profound as the death of a child, that these men feel so alone and isolated. As much as it amazes me, I can relate because I too felt alone after the death of my two children. I felt so alone that I would go online and search for other grieving dads. However, I didn’t find what I was looking for or needed at that point in my grief. I didn’t […]
Have you been forced out of a job? Are you facing a health issue? Are you a victim of a crime? Have you lost a loved one unexpectedly? Then you know that forced change embraces your life in an instant. And that is where my message starts. I experienced “forced change” when my 17-year old son, Michael, died in an auto accident. But, years later, I now see that losing Michael wasn’t the only reason my life hit rock bottom. I wound up down there because the forced change took hold of me and began to drag me down. Naturally, […]
I was really good at living with intention before my husband died. I was good about doing things with good reason and being thoughtful, even purposeful, about what I did and how I did it. I had the luxury of more time to think through my decisions and even more important I think, I had someone to share those decisions, reasons, and purpose with. I think for me, it felt more intentional with a witness near. Since widowhood began, I have been through many phases, stages, whatever we might call them. One of the stages I have the most difficulty […]
I grew up in a house of emotionless beings. There was a scarcity of extreme reactions to anything. Emotions seemed to be secreted away inside ourselves and never allowed out to “play”. In the 60s, life revolved around the practicalities of living, not emotions. Teachers ruled with an iron fist. You learnt by rote and punishment. You spoke only when spoken to. You never talked back. You never showed emotion. You certainly never got angry. Imagine my surprise then with the onslaught of emotions that assailed me with the death of my son. Anger seeped out of my pores. It […]
