Feeling discouraged? Relax and tune into the Open to Hope podcast and hear Dr. Gloria Horsley and Dr. Heidi Horsley interview guests with inspiring stories about recovery from loss.
The word “fear”. Take a moment to think about what fear means to you. To me, the word brings up a million different images. To most, it means that they are afraid of something: afraid to speak in public, or scared and nervous to try something new, which is often actually a fear of failure. To me, fear means that I am not stepping outside of my comfort zone and I am not taking healthy chances. All changes, all goals and all life choices are the result of looking fear in the face. Fear causes people not to live. That […]
December is the most difficult time of year for those of us who have children who are physically no longer with us. For me it begins in late September, with the anniversary of the day my son Richard died. Followed by Halloween. Richard loved Halloween…he took a lot of pleasure in introducing his youngest daughter to scary spiders and goblins in one of the most decorated communities where we live. It’s a community that used to provide such family fun and pleasure for us but which has now become a painful reminder that holidays will never be the same. After Halloween, […]
When the death of a loved one happens suddenly and unexpectedly, it can crack your heart wide open. The shock and pain of the loss is numbing at first because the reality that you will never see your loved one again is intolerable and overwhelming. Numbing feelings in a sense protects you from experiencing them all at once and from the reality of what has happened. The numbing begins to wear off after the funeral, after family and friends return to their own lives…then the reality that your expectations, hopes and dreams have inextricably been changed forever begins to surface. […]
The Word ‘Lonely’ Not Strong Enough Loneliness in widowhood is not surprising. I mean, even for the people who have never been through it, the loneliness of widows is a no-brainer. But frankly, I think that lonely is not a strong enough word. There is a deep silence that comes with losing your spouse. And it doesn’t matter if you’re standing in the middle of a crowded room; you will still notice it. It’s the quiet that comes when you don’t have that familiar voice whispering in your ear at a wedding, “Can you believe she wore that? I mean, what […]
Chances are, you’ve heard of the stages of grief Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced in her 1969 book, “On Death and Dying.” The stages are: 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance It is a very nice idea that you can break grief down into defined segments that have a clear beginning and end. This way, you would know when you’re done with one stage and when to move onto the next in progression until you’ve accepted the death and come to peace with it. It would be nice…but reality isn’t so simple most of the time. A […]
“No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.” ~C.G. Jung I don’t know if it’s the time of year, phase of life, or just my peculiar vantage point, but almost everyone I know is going through some serious suffering. I’m not […]
I consider myself an independent woman, something that when I was a young girl I would have been very proud of. I would have been proud of the fact that I had a good job, proud of the fact that I had my own place, proud of the fact that I supported myself, and that my finances were in order. Proud of the fact that I was a published author, and extremely proud of the fact that I was confident in making decisions and handling my affairs. Yes, I am an independent woman, but I am also a widow, which […]
A lot of people truly, deeply want to be of help to those they love as they are grieving. They just don’t know what to do. And there are a lot of people in pain wishing they could tell you exactly what they need in their grief. They just don’t have the energy or the resources to help you help them. This means that a lot of us flounder around, looking for something to say, hoping we can find the words that make this unbearable pain, well – more bearable. Witnessing grief is hard. Watching someone in pain is horrible. Knowing […]
I was a sweet, blue-eyed seven-year-old girl watching The Parent Trap while my big brother was babysitting. He got me a cup of water after asking if there was anything I needed. Little did I know my answer should have been, “I need my big brother.” Only minutes later I heard a heart-stopping, deafening boom. I sat there, frozen. What was that? My blonde hair on the back of my neck was standing up, and my ears were ringing. The terrifying noise was the gun my brother used to take his own life. Thirteen years later, that emotionally scarred little […]
By Sandra Pesmen — If you want to celebrate any holiday, especially Father’s Day, you have to learn to deal with anger and guilt. Whether we widows admit it or not, when our spouse dies, most of us feel guilty because we survived. We fear we may not have been as kind as we could have been all the time. We feel guilty because we didn’t prepare his favorite dinner more often. We feel guilty because we made him see movies (and people) he didn’t like. There are endless “guilts,” says therapist Judy Berg, of Highalnd Park, Ill., who spoke […]
