When the Head and Heart are at War

By Debra Reagan —

On August 6, 2005, a civil war of my being was declared. You may not have heard of this war. It isn’t marked on a map or recorded in history books. Nonetheless, this war had a devastating impact on the people involved.

Upon hearing the news, The Heart declared war on The Head. The Heart built a fortress to keep away the pain. But no fortress was strong enough to hold back the anguish. The Heart ached and wailed out during the night, “This cannot be true! This can’t be possible! Just look at all the love and dreams we have for this precious child.”

The Head could only say, “Why did this happen? What did we do wrong?”  The Head was confused and could not rest. It felt the need to be logical and find answers. The war continued.

The ruler of this land, The Soul, had great concern because The Heart was so deeply wounded. The depths of this anguish threatened its every beat. The Soul feared that in an attempt to avoid the pain, The Head would not rest, and that The Heart would cease rather than give up its great love.

Weeks, months, and years passed. The battle raged. There was fear in the land that the battle would not end. Slowly, as both Head and Heart grew to understand each could let go of the pain without abandoning the love, a truce was arranged.

Then a treaty was drafted in which The Head would rest and embrace the mysteries of life. The endless questions and reviews would be released, so they could face forward to a future. The Heart was allowed to keep all the love and to openly display it. The two agreed that The Heart could build a connection between the before and the after. There would be no putting away of this great love, even long after the putting away of all material things. Together they would build a peaceful place for The Heart to hold these honored treasures. In this peaceful place, the door will never be closed and the love will never end.

The Soul honored the fact they had passed through the depths of this great pain and challenged them to continue to live in peace and to learn new ways to approach the depth of this loss. Despite the battle scars and a full expectation of future skirmishes, The Heart and The Head have decided not just to survive, but to thrive with a deeper and broader understanding of Faith, Hope and a Forever Love.

Written in memory of our son, Clint Tyler Reagan. www.clint-reagan.memory-of.com

Debra Reagan

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Debra Reagan lives in East Tennessee with her husband of 33 years. They have one surviving son. Debra is the co-founder of Listening Hearts, http://listening-hearts.memory-of.com/About.aspx a non-profit corporation designed to help bereaved mothers. After some turbulent and confusing experiences, her youngest son, Clint, received the dual diagnosis of bipolar disorder and a drug addiction. Their lives changed forever when Clint died on August 6, 2005, at the age of 20 of an accidental overdose and bronchial pneumonia. Debra can be reached through the website she maintains for her son at www.clint-reagan.memory-of.com. Debra was a guest on the radio show “Healing the Grieving Heart” talking about “Getting Through Mother’s Day.” To hear Debra being interviewed on this show by Dr. Gloria and Dr. Heidi Horsley, click on the following link: www.voiceamericapd.com/health/010157/horsley051007.mp3

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