This life is so temporary. We don’t seem to get that most times. Over the last months, it has become so clear to me that we are not meant for this earth forever. We are eternal beings with our hearts, souls and beings based in something bigger and better than this place that we walk in now.
Ten months ago, my husband died. We are young (by my standards). He was 46. We just had our second child. I was banking on happily ever after. He truly was my prince charming. He is dead now and I am not. I am here on this earth with my happily ever after laying shattered in small, small pieces around me.
Temporary?
We were married nearly 9 years, together for 14. Such a short time, but while I was there, it seemed like eternity–it seemed permanent. It seemed like it could last forever. I was banking on it. We were banking on it.
Before my husband died, I wouldn’t have said I was naive. I had experienced many things and lived through difficult and beautiful times.
I feel very different now, though. I feel like I was fooling myself. I was lying to myself and those around me. I was putting too much stock in life here on earth when I really should be looking at eternity. My soul is eternal. I believe that God has blessed us and given us a gift that we just don’t understand. We can’t get past this place, this temporary place, to see what a grand and extraordinary gift we’ve been given–eternal life.
Before I go on, I must remind you my husband died. He died only 10 months ago, and I am in one of the darkest places I have ever been. I am in the middle of grief–uncontrollable, life-sucking, energy stealing grief. This is a grief I have never experienced. It is a misery and sadness like no other.
It is only through this darkness that I see an even brighter light than I have ever seen. It is a light that continues to get me up every day. It is a light that keeps a small flame of hope in my broken heart. It is a light that lets me tell my children that God does love us and contrary to what it feel like now–has not forsaken us. It is that light that convinces me that we truly are eternal beings and this life is temporary–but God has great plans for us.
God has great love for us. God’s love is permanent and we will hold it forever if our hearts allow.
I was with my husband when he died. He left this earth with one breath. One moment, we are together with those we love, and then that one last breath and they are gone. The separation seems so permanent. The separation seems so complete. Their transition to the eternal part, well, we don’t quite understand. I try to wrap my mind around it and I really don’t understand it.
When my husband died, it was as amazing a moment as the moments when our children were born–it was amazing and tragic. In that moment, I was so amazed by his bravery and ripped in two by the thought that I would never experience him like I had again.
I would never hear him, smell him, touch him, be held by him, or gaze at him across a room again. My children would never jump into Daddy’s lap again. His mother would never get to hold his hand again. His father would never again pat him on the shoulder–so tragic, so amazing.
Temporary?
Now this is what I’m banking on–that this is temporary–our separation is temporary, not permanent, as it seems this moment. Some day, I too will make the transition he has made. I too will have the opportunity to move from here to eternity.
With God’s love and blessing our family will some day be together in a place where no one, no sickness, no death can separate us. This is what I’m banking on now. I’m putting my life where my mouth has been for so many years in ministry.
I’m putting my faith, my life, in God’s hands, knowing that only that can be permanent. Knowing that when I put my broken life in the hands of God, it will be repaired and prepared for family reunion that I can only dream of here in this temporary place.
This life is full of love, heartbreak, joy and pain. This life is always changing and we are always adapting to its change and transition. During the most difficult times, please remember (as I try too) that this is temporary. It truly will pass.
For now, I continue on my journey here, longing for my eternity, longing for my love. Knowing that God will hold me until my time for eternity.
This article previously appeared in The Journal of Student Ministries and Grief Digest.
Christine Thiele 2010
Tags: grief, hope, signs and connections
Thank you for this reminder. The hope of seeing my husband again & knowing that he is healed & in heaven and that this life is temporary is all that kept me going those first couple months.
i wish i had the same faith of you guys.. i don’t and i feel very lonely. I have tried to believe that one day i will be reunited to my husband,my father,my mom,my grandmother my family, but the more i try the worst i feel. Yes we are temporary on this earth, we will live in the heart of our children, but once we are gone we will go back to dust and is over and even when our children will follow our path, who will be there to remember us? unless we really did something special during our temporary time on earth, there will be no one left to remember us. I know this is very sad and depressing, but it is in the nature of the cycle of life. Even so i believe it’s very important to make the best of our temporay time on earth. sorry if i upset any one with my words.
Patricia- Each of us has a different journey. Your journey is different than mine just as the beliefs and way we live our lives is different, none is the “right” or “better” way. We all must find what helps us cope and what helps me may not help the next person. Please be gentle with yourself on your journey. I am so sorry for your losses.
My husband and the love of my life passed on 5 weeks ago. I am trying to put myself in God’s hands but I’m finding it difficult. All I can think of is ending my life so I can join him. I love and miss more every day. How do you go on?
Lynn, I am so sorry for your loss. The recent death of your husband makes me ache inside again. I let my grief wash over me and tried to experience the sadness of each moment. My wonderful grief counselor told me “sad is here, when sad is done, then ask it to leave, but it’s going to be here for a while.” Those first moments, weeks, years are so difficult. The only way I went on was one breath at a time. Then slowly it changed to one moment, one hour, one day, one week…please be gentle with yourself. I am so sorry that your husband died.
Dear Christine,
My husband passed away unexpectantly on May 22, 2010. Our family suspects it was due in part to a hospital accident. (One of his greatest fears) We were together almost 35 years. In 1992 my husband and I buried a murdered son. He and I shared the unspeakable grief knowing that together we could weather any storm. And, with God’s grace we did. Now, when I need my best friend more than ever, he is gone. I miss everything about him. I miss his laugh, his smell, his touch. I even miss his snoring. I miss the way he loved me unconditonally. I felt safe. I have never lived alone. I am blessed with wonderful adult children who could not be more supportive. I have grandchildren who love me. I have friends who check on me and include me in their activities. Inspite of all these blessings I have never felt so alone.
I too had the privledge of being with my husband when he passed. I kissed him and breathed in his last breath. Now, like you I am in the middle of “uncontollable, life sucking, energy stealing grief”.
As a Christian I have felt that I should be doing better. Thank you for your heart felt words. I am reminded that I am not alone in this struggle. I too must center my mind on the fact that this is just a long goodbye…temporary.
My husband called me Slick. He was known as Ironface or Face. And, this is our miracle…
Face had suffered a anoxic brain injury. Doctors tried to keep him alive for two weeks. In the end days he looked like a mad man, unshaven and swollen from the toxins in his body. When he left for his eternal home I turned away and my children embraced me. When we returned to his bed, in our amazement, we gazed upon a man who looked to be in his early thirties. This man,in perfect peace, hair still gray, skin shining bright, was the most beautiful man I have ever seen. God is good. God is great. God is in control. Praise be to God!
Proverbs 3:5-6
May God bless and keep you in your journey.
with love,
Slick
Dear Slick – I am so sorry for your loss. I am so sorry that your path includes such sorrow and feeling alone. I know both those feelings. Please, be gentle with yourself. I am so glad you saw miracles along the way. I know that I try to keep my heart and mind open to continue to seeing them in my life even when it feels like I’m alone and abandoned. May God continue to bless you with comfort and peace.
Dear Christine,
Courageous people like you not only know how to continue with life but are also a source of inspiration to others. I lost my husband a year ago. Your writings will surely keep me going.
Regards,
Anupa Chakrabarti
India
Anupa, Thank you for your kind words. I am so sorry that your husband died. The first year was so hard. My husband died in 2005…this article was written back then and is full of those emotions and feelings that come with the first days, months. Every day we continue, is a day survived. Keep up the battle. It was only in surrender that I found the will to go on each day. It is so hard for me to live with know that life really is not in my control…but the grace in the situation has been surrendering control has brought me this far! Please be gentle with yourself.
Courageous people like you not only know how to continue with life but are also a source of inspiration to others. I lost my husband a year ago. Your writings will surely keep me going.
I lost my wife suddenly on 7-10-2010.Kim was the best part of my life. My feelings of emptyness seem to grow everytime i wake up. I didnt know that a person could run out of tears,but i have. All i wanted in life was to grow old with her,now i just want to stay inside. When she passed she had the most beautiful smile on her face and i cant wait to see her again,on gods time. I know she would be angry at me for the way im acting,but i feel like im in a hole with no desire to climb out.How does one find peace and happiness again.
Chris,
Thank you for a beautiful and inspiring article. My wife died suddenly of a heart attack on Feb. 6, 2010. My ten year old daughter and I were there at the end. My daughter called 911, my cpr skills were useless.
My wife and I had been through so much together. My wife was my soulmate,my business partner,my best friend, my daughter’s beautiful mother. We loved and we fought too. She was everything for us.
Life goes on and grief is my constant companion along with lonlieness and emptyness. I live one day at a time trying to be the best mom and dad that I can be.
The Lord is mending my broken heart but the progress is slow.
God Bless,
Tony
Dear Chris~ I have been searching for some type of comfort or a way to cope with the tragic death of my husband. He was killed in a motorcycle accident July 21, 2010. Your inspiring words were temporarily comforting.
As long as I don’t believe “it” happened, I’m ok. Then out of nowhere, I realize it DID and I lose it! I have never had anything happen in my lifetime (so far) as sad or tragic as this.
We were so happy together. Everyone we met told us time and time again how they wished they had the relationship we had. I was not ready to give that up. I have never been so sad and lonely. He was the love of my life, my soul mate, my best friend, my reason for being … my rock! It is so rare to find love like that nowadays. We knew how blessed we were by being together.
Right now, I feel lost, lonely, sad with a HUGE hole in my heart. I used to tell people we fit together like a puzzle and now the puzzle is shattered. I am still heartbroken.
I have read thru every comment and can so relate to all the heartbroken words…we all belong to a club that we did not sign up for…My darling left this Earth on June 7th with all of us by his side..I truly believe we will be together again and I whispered those words in his ear as he passed. I miss him so very much…sometimes the longing for him to be here is like my very soul is being torn in two..
Thank you all for commenting and for the the articles…it really helps reading how others are coping and knowing that what i am feeling is not crazy….
I just lost my soul mate my spiritual partner and he has my heart for enternity …he took his life ..he had to put his mother 83 into a hone and life hadnt been real kind lately and he was sick too. I wrote the story to the other woman name christine if u would like to hear about it it was just july 24th and he shot himself in our driveway and everyone loved him he couldnt hurt a spider or a fly he would put them outside and he gave to everyone he loved and found the good in everyone…I understand when u say that your sould is in two peieces its like when he left me he took my heart my sould my spirit and its killing me..it hurts so badly and i miss him so much and there was even more to add to that we had been together for 17 years but not legally married its in the long long letter (comment) that I responded rto chrisines article about losing her husband …it does help a little to write and to talk back and forth with tohers but the pain its just an ache that never leaves…god bless and I pray for you and your family and your husband thats in spirit now he will always be with you we just have to beleie that and beleive that god had a reason for the way they leeave us and they are done with what they were here for…god bless and please email anytime wuzbad@yahoo.com or teri937@yahoo.com just please put loss of loved one in subject…going to close out both accounts in a couple months and have just one but cant do that for awhile just havent got the energy or anything else…I will pray that your pain will get easier for you sincerely teresa dempsey
thankyou for yor great words about it been temorary, my husband passed on 21st november 2011. he was only 29, im older than him but we just got on so wel i wud know what he wud say before he said it, we have 2small children 2gether too, i have 3 other children, so that me jesus n 5, im so pleased we both love the lord and i know hes safe and happy, its like hes here not in flesh but in spirit, my heart aches every min of day n nite. we went thro more together but we stil believed we wud get thro the ruff sea. pete struggled with an addiction, it wasnt that tuk his life,he had mulitable strokes and was brain damaged,i was there 2 when he tuk his last breath, too see him strugle with breath i prayed the lord wud take him, i kissed n talked 2him like i wud, his spirit was so strong he didnt want to go, but its in gods time not ours, in my word it said, u know god answers prayer but are u willing to except his answer! yes i do, its not what i wanted or petes but the lords, god knows the plans for our lives,
I am in Indian woman . My husband died when he was 38and me 35. Apart from the tremendous grief that a woman goes through after her husband’s death, she has to bear with a constant mental torture because she is held responsible for his death .