Yes, another Mother’s Day….

Mothers Day – 2011

There is no word in English to describe that parent who has lost a child. There is no such word in any language. I can only assume that is because it is the unthinkable. It is against nature, against all that should be. And yet it happens. It has happened to me twice.

Both our son and our daughter died in their 20’s as a result of having Cystic Fibrosis. It is over thirteen years since the tragic death of our son. It will soon be eight years from that heartbreaking day when the wretched disease claimed our daughter.

That in total is an agonizingly long time to grieve. Of course we have rebuilt our lives. Yes we have defined a new and altered “normal”. We carry on. We move forward. We continue to do and to be. We even accomplish. But the grief hasn’t left, nor will it.

With that stated, that does not mean there is no joy, because there is. In many ways we find happiness, contentment, peace and yes even humour.

To explain the way humour pops into my world, let me tell you about last night. Here is the scenario.

I was passing time on my computer and I happened across a Mothers Day promotion.

Yes, Mothers Day is coming. That day is like endless other “special” days throughout the year that reminds me of what was, and what isn’t.

But this promotion for Mother’s Day was brilliant. Being fascinated with the tech world, all the elements I saw in this promotion made it call out to me.

A Coffee Maker company called Tassimio launched a technology that allowed “Facebook” users to enter wonderful information about their Mothers. Then that information was to be incorporated into a YouTube video about that Mom. Now how cool is that? Sweet thoughts from your child, a video about it – and the best of all –for the most creative one – both the Mother and the child could win a wonderful new coffee maker.

I’d like a new coffee maker.

This is where the humour – my ongoing black humour kind of kicked in.

Here I am with no children. I know my son and my daughter would have wanted to say nice things about me. I know they loved me. I know they would have wanted me to win the coffee maker.

The temptation to fill in the entry form was enormous. Put in names and emails, a few thoughts and done ! I wondered if I could figure out an email for them – how about Robbie&Jane@heaven.com. I couldn’t help it, I found myself chuckling at the possibilities. And then I realized no one would ever understand my entry form. I’d find myself trying to explain that even though I have no children now the ones I once had would surely have created the winning video just for me. Picturing it all I chuckled again.

Then reality kicks in. There would be no video scripted by my two children. There would be no workable email, no new coffee maker.

Darn. And then… the bigger darn – another Mother’s Day without them.

Mother’s Day will come and go. We will be fine… we will remember what was, and what isn’t.

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  • Deb Kosmer says:

    Sometimes it is our attempts at finding or creating humor that keep us sane in insane situations. I am so sorry about the deaths of your children. I have lost 2 children as well and it is a heartbreak that is unimaginable. Learning to laugh again, at mylsef if nothing else has done wonders for me. Blessings. Deb Kosmer

  • Libby Boss says:

    Hi There,
    I regret that I can’t remember your name, but my son Graham was dying while Jane was in hospital in 2002. I met you and you talked about how you coped with losing Robbie… knowing that inevitably you would also lose Jane. You were wonderful to talk to… I felt like you were the only one who knew what it felt like to watch your child slowly dying in front of you. I will always remember your empathy and compassion, and I am so sorry for your loss of that beautiful Jane, who was fighting so bravely in 2002.
    Your piece about Mother’s Day is beautifully written. I loved it, and wish you had sent the darn entry form in. Those coffee makers are nice. 🙂
    Take care,
    Libby

  • Claire says:

    I think you should send this essay to Tassimio. It is surely deserving of winning that new coffee maker! I lost my son a week before Mother’s Day in 2004, and it has certainly changed the feelings of the day. I do have other children who continue to make it special, but there is always a thought of the one that’s gone. My heart is with you in your pain, and also appreciates your humor. May we all continue to find laughter and joy.

  • Miguel Manzo says:

    Hey there Donna! My name’s Miguel, one of the singers from the Tassimo BARCODE. I just wanted to say that your story touched all of us greatly upon hearing it and I feel truly honored to have sang and delivered the message to you. I hope you liked it and I hope you enjoy the coffee maker!! =)