Our youngest son, Clint, died at the age of 20 in 2005. During the early times of my grief, a bereaved mom suggested that screaming was a good outlet for tension. She recounted her screaming sessions. Try as I might, I could not bring myself to scream.

Almost 3 years after Clint’s death, I was on a long isolated drive in the west. My sister was on a Rim-to-Rim hike and it was my job to meet her on the other side of the Canyon. The trip took me through miles of roadway on which I never met another car. Suddenly out of nowhere the desire to scream came upon me. For some reason it seemed like the thing to do during this time of solitude. So I poured out my deepest pain in screams, cries and wails. After the outpouring of my heart’s longings, I composed myself and continued my present mission. I met my sister at our agreed location and gave little thought to my earlier endeavor of screaming.

The sun was setting and creating some awesome photo moments. We passed several pull-off areas before we agreed we would stop at the next one for pictures. Just as I was turning the car to park, my sister excitedly called out for me to look. I was thinking that she had seen another beauty of nature, but instead there on one of the rock faces someone had etched “Klint and Stacy.” Many feelings rushed through my mind. At first I was thrilled, but then I began to doubt the sign was for me since the spelling of Clint was slightly different. And I did not understand the connection to Stacy?

Then a friend pointed out to me that there were 8 letters between the letter C and the letter K. My Clint died in August, which is the 8th month of the year. She also pointed out that the one meaning of Stacy is resurrection. Now I was sure the sign was for me. I believe it was a message of hope. A message telling me that my cries had been heard and that Clint was safe in another place.

Debra Reagan 2012

Debra Reagan

Debra Reagan lives in East Tennessee with her husband of 33 years. They have one surviving son. Debra is the co-founder of Listening Hearts, http://listening-hearts.memory-of.com/About.aspx a non-profit corporation designed to help bereaved mothers. After some turbulent and confusing experiences, her youngest son, Clint, received the dual diagnosis of bipolar disorder and a drug addiction. Their lives changed forever when Clint died on August 6, 2005, at the age of 20 of an accidental overdose and bronchial pneumonia. Debra can be reached through the website she maintains for her son at www.clint-reagan.memory-of.com. Debra was a guest on the radio show “Healing the Grieving Heart” talking about “Getting Through Mother’s Day.” To hear Debra being interviewed on this show by Dr. Gloria and Dr. Heidi Horsley, click on the following link: www.voiceamericapd.com/health/010157/horsley051007.mp3

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