We all were going to another city to spend our holidays on 12th June 2010. My dad was driving the car and stopped it at the roadside to receive a phone call. A 16 wheeler truck came from behind, lost its balance due to high speed n the sharp turn and tilted and fell on our car. My mother and 12 year old sister were at the backseat and i lost them instantly. I was trapped in the wrecked car for 4 hours fighting for my life. Me and my dad survived but this life now is not worth living. It has been 5 months but the memory is still fresh and i cant just get over it. Its difficult to live without them and my depression is getting worse day by day. I dont think i will survive for long like this.
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5 months is a very short time after such a profound loss especially after such trauma. You need to take very good care of yourself. Try to eat food that is low in sugar, drink lots of water and try to get regular exercise. You also need to continue to talk about the accident and if it keeps flashing back in your mind to the point where you can’t sleep you may need treatment for what is called PTSD or post traumatic stress syndrome. As a bereaved sibling I would suggest that U see if there is a Compassionate Friends group in your area. Take care and we are glad that you have found us. We have found hope and we know that you can to. Dr. Gloria
Naman, I wish I could hug you. We’re not meant to bear such pain. Your story is heartbreaking, but this is where you find yourself. You can’t change what happened, but you do get to choose what you do next.
I promise there will come a moment, then another, and another, where you will feel yourself wanting to go forward. There will be memories of beautiful, good times that will inspire you to remember your mom and sister with joy. Then you will have days when you will seek to live for them. You will experience times of happiness without guilt, as they would have wanted for you.
I know this may all sound impossible today, but I can tell you Naman, it will come. It will.
Dr. Gloria offers an important resource- Compassionate Friends. Maybe this can be your baby step. Find your local chapter and go to one meeting. No commitment, just one meeting. If your dad is willing to go with you, great! If he doesn’t, though, don’t let that hold you back. You deserve to find some relief from this despair.
Please continue to check in here. There’s nothing you can say that will shock or offend us. We’ll be thinking about you.
Dear Naman,
I am truly sorry for your losses. Recovering from two losses will take more time than recovering from one. Each loss creates secondary losses as well. In 2007 I lost four loved ones and writing helped me immensely. I hope you will put your feelings into words and cry when you need to. You may also want to be evaluated for depression, which is very treatable. I’m sending you virtual hugs.
Harriet Hodgson
My dear Naman,
Your experience of loss is horrifying. I’m so very sorry, and I cannot imagine how challenging this must be for you. You survived this horrible accident, and I don’t doubt that you will survive your grief as well, but I hope you won’t try to do it all by yourself. There are so many organizations and resources that can help ~ you just have to take the time to locate them, just as you’ve managed to find this wonderful and supportive Open to Hope Web site. You say the memory of the accident is still fresh, you “can’t just get over it,” and your “depression is getting worse day by day.” Much of the work of grieving involves remembering – but when remembering produces only traumatic images such as yours, the value of remembering is lost. Specialists who work with trauma survivors tell us that effective grief work cannot begin until the trauma is dealt with first. If you’re still experiencing depression, sleeplessness, intrusive images and nightmares at this point, I want to encourage you to seek the help of a trauma specialist – a therapist who understands that trauma work must be done before you can begin the grief work that lies before you, as you come to terms with these horrible deaths of your mother and sister. You may find it helpful to do a bit of reading about traumatic loss, just to help you understand better some of the reactions you may be experiencing. You’ll find a list of suggested resources on the TRAUMATIC LOSS page on my GriefHealing Web site, here: http://www.griefhealing.com/traumatic-loss.htm. You haven’t said how old you are, but I encourage you to ask your dad, a trusted relative or your school counselor to help you find whatever “in person” traumatic loss and grief support services are available in your community. In the meantime, I hope you can feel our collective arms around you, wishing you peace and healing.
Dear Naman,
I am so very, very sorry for the physical loss of your dear mother and your sister the very same day. I cannot imagine the pain and sorrow you must be feeling.
My comments will be a little different from the other wonderful grief counselors who are replying to your post. My speciality and viewpoint comes from a spiritual one, which I would like to share with you in the hopes that it will help you and bring you comfort.
In my spiritual bereavement support work, I have found that many times God allows our loved ones in the afterlife to give us signs of their loving presence in our lives. These “signs” are their way of letting us know that they can still see and hear us and continue to be a huge part of our lives.
The signs may come in the form of hearing someone calling your name; a gentle touch on your shoulder or stroking of your hair; a very vivid and comforting dream of them. There are many, many ways that they let us know they are like angels on our shoulders now.
There are many books on the market about these after-death communications (ADCs) and signs. You may find that by familiarizing yourself with the different types of signs that are most often used, that you will see that your dear mother and sister are still with you, loving you and comforting you and don’t miss a trick when it comes to your life.
When you start to recognize your “signs” you will notice that they will be repeated because they know that you “get it”. And our loved ones get as much joy as we do from these signs.
I have found that receiving ADCs can make all the difference in the world because they can bring joy and hope to the heart, knowing that our relationship continues on.
May God bless you with many signs from your mother and sister and may you feel His loving arms wrapped around you always and forever.
Christine Duminiak
I sincerely thank you all for all your support. I need it so much rite now. I think after so much time, some people really understand my grief and i thank u all for this.
I was suggested to join the Compassionate Friends group but i live in a small town of Jabalpur in India and there are no such facilities or groups functioning here.
Dear Harriet, I am sorry for your losses too. I can very well understand what it takes to go through all the pain.
I would also like to mention that i am 18 years old.
Thank u all very much
I missed typed my email address, here is the actual address –
namanrulz0112358@gmail.com
Naman, I’m so sorry for you loss. We’ve never met but based on how thoughtful and genuine your question is, I know you are doing the best you can. Everyone’s experience is different. Everyone finds their own way to cope with loss. The loss of my mother also happened when I was young. I wish I had found a site like this when I was confused and depressed. What I can share with you is what worked for me. I’ve found that volunteering helps me turn my energy into something positive, I also write about how I feel, which is very cathartic and helps me sort out how I feel, and I try not to be hard on myself. Give yourself time to grieve. It’s a slow process. The other comments also gave great suggestions. Try different things and see what works for you. Just remember to take care of yourself. Much love ~ Lauren
Dear Naman,
Let me express my sincere condolences to you for the sudden loss of your mother and sister in that tragic car accident. There are no words at a time like this to soothe away the pain. May I share? On November 14 2010, I walked into my brother’s room and discovered him dead. This sudden and unexpected loss has rocked my world. This is why I was compelled to write a few words. I can share somethings mentioned to me: “we take solace in the belief that God needed another angel.” They are angels now. Anyway, may Spirit give you extra blessings on your journey. Write if you would like. Warm Hugs, Bea
Don’t give up! Hope! Hope! Hope!