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How to Use Death Insurance to Trick Death

Posted on September 23, 2017 - by Bob Baugher

It’s not a pleasant scene: You are in a hospital bed, clinging to life, and just outside your room your family members are arguing whether or not you would want to be kept alive by a respirator and, given the likelihood that you will die, would you want your organs donated. Or how about this unpleasant scene: hours after you die, your family members arrive at your home to begin searching through your belongings looking for all the papers they will need. They are saddened by your death. But, at the moment, they are frustrated that you had never told […]

Seek Compassion Over Judgment as a Loved One is Dying

Posted on September 22, 2017 - by Jennifer Stern

Anticipatory grief about the end of a loved one’s life can be an overwhelming experience. So many complex emotions. Such a sense of powerlessness. Subconsciously, the family and friends of the dying person will seek order and predictability at a time when there just isn’t any. Anticipatory grief often leads to decisions made or words spoken that inadvertently cause hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and conflict. Anticipatory grief is different for everyone, just as everyone’s relationship with a person dying is unique. Try to connect to compassion over judgment during times of anticipatory grief, to create space for each person to have time, […]

When You’re Dying Before Your Children are Grown

Posted on September 20, 2017 - by Jennifer Stern

No one dreams of dying before their children are grown. No parent envisions leaving their children before they reach milestones and become contributing, independent adults. Yet, sadly, tragically, it happens. My mom died soon after I graduated from college. She and I were very close. We had many conversations as she was dying, some silly and some serious, about life and about death. She would not, perhaps more likely could not, accept the reality that she would never see me complete my education, find a career, fall in love, get married and become a mother. I will share some […]

Fay Green: The Compassionate Friends

Posted on September 18, 2017 - by Gloria Horsley

Fay Green is a leader at The Compassionate Friends organization in San Antonio, Texas, and recently talked with Open to Hope’s Dr. Gloria Horsley at the Association of Death Education and Counseling conference. Green’s latest project focuses on “group processing,” saying that it helps those who have lost someone “recognize that they’re not alone in their grief.” While every loss is different, the same emotions and feelings are often experienced in each situation. Isolation can exacerbate the grieving process, and a supportive community is critical. The Compassionate Friends is an organization for parents who have lost children, regardless of age. […]

Kayce Hodos: Adolescent Grief

Posted on September 16, 2017 - by Gloria Horsley

Kayce Hodos is a licensed professional counselor who works in a private practice in Raleigh, North Carolina. She specializes in grief and loss counseling for both adolescents and adults. Recently, Hodos spoke with Dr. Gloria Horsley at the annual Association of Death Education and Counseling Conference about what it means to serve this demographic. “It’s a tough group,” says Hodos. “Naturally, they feel very alone and seeking to belong, so it’s very important that they know there are people out there they can talk to and that they can trust.” Adolescence is a tough enough journey in itself, but add […]

Mark de St. Aubin: Men and Grief

Posted on September 14, 2017 - by Gloria Horsley

A member of the University of Utah Social Work Department, Mark de St. Aubin attended the 2015 Association of Death Education and Counseling conference where he spoke with Dr. Gloria Horsley about the unique relationship between men and grief. Having lost both his parents at a young age, St. Aubin explains, “I’ve had to process my own grief.” Over the years, he’s studied how grief processing works, and now teaches MSW students skills necessary for grief counseling. “I liken grief (for men) as being lost in a car on a trip,” says St. Aubin. Men don’t want to ask for […]

Where Do They Go?

Posted on September 14, 2017 - by Nina Impala

Recently, I have received phone calls from dear friends who have lost people they love. Lost. That word, it is so final, but do we really know? Still, there is that empty space of where are they? What’s it like? Are they happy and safe? It is so difficult to wrap our human brain around death. I believe that we do get signs. After 20-plus years working in hospice, helping the living and the dying, sometimes I witness and hear things that I know are straight from heaven. My girlfriend was taking care of her dear friend with cancer. She […]

Remembering the ‘Lasts’

Posted on September 13, 2017 - by Jennifer Stern

The last words spoken. The last touch. The last meal shared. The last laugh. The last show watched. The lasts…moments and interactions that would otherwise go unnoticed in everyday life now sacred. Memories that, when lucky, we wish to bottle and protectively hold on a shelf. Untouched for eternity. Never dimmed. Never forgotten. Accessible to us, for us, always. Remembering those lasts can at times feel unbearable, oppressive, truly unendurable. IF ONLY I HAD KNOWN, I would have…I could have…I should have…. The magical thinking of grief and loss. Don’t get stuck there. In time, when the bevy of […]

The Power of Stories in Coping With Loss

Posted on September 12, 2017 - by Jane P. Williams

We have an affinity for stories—they are the vehicle for making meaning out of chaos. By late adolescence, most of us have developed a “life story” that gives us a sense of identity and reflects our explanation of how the world works. This overarching story is not particularly factual, but rather consists of experiences that are remembered as being powerful and shaping our lives. With these life events, we tend to construct and reconstruct our life story. One of the experiences that can impact our life story is the death of someone important to us. We develop a grief story […]

End-of-Life in the LGBT Community: Interview with Doneley Meris

Posted on September 12, 2017 - by Heidi Horsley

At the annual ADEC (Association of Death Education and Counseling), I spoke with Doneley Meris about the struggles and discrepancies those in the LGBT community deal with during end of life. Individuals who identify gay, bisexual, lesbian, or transgendered, are still looked at differently at the end of their lives despite the fact that there’s been a lot of advances in the area of same sex marriages and equality. The stigma and discrimination is still present when dealing when end of life situations. Doneley goes into more detail about this in the video below. Here are some key takeaways from […]