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‘His Life Was Brief’: Grieving the Death of an Infant

Posted on July 23, 2017 - by Catherine McNulty

The first time I saw my son, he was lying in a NICU incubator with a small, clear tube protruding from his mouth to help him breathe. The adhesive that kept the ventilator tube in place covered most of his tiny face. His eyes were closed, taped shut to keep out the bright light. He lay there, tiny and helpless, as the doctors explained to me that he needed surgery to close the whole between his heart and his lungs. In healthy newborns, this hole closes at birth. In premature infants like Jackson, it doesn’t. As his tiny body lay […]

Grief 101: Is There Value In Suffering?

Posted on July 17, 2017 - by Gloria Horsley

Grief 101 is the title of my presentation at the Compassionate Friends Conference on July 28, 2017 in Orlando, Florida. It will be a very heartfelt conference and will be attended by over one thousand bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents as well as other friends and family. As I prepare my workshop I ask myself the question, “What can I possibly say that will ease their suffering?” I know the depths of their hurt as a number of years ago our son, Scott and his cousin died in a fiery automobile crash. At the time my pain was so great […]

Choosing the ‘Right’ Memorial for Your Loved One

Posted on July 9, 2017 - by Harriet Hodgson

When I was growing up, the neighbors who lived behind us installed a new patio and garden in their backyard. On a plaque in front of the garden were the words, Thank You Mom and Dad. “I think that’s really nice,” my mother commented. “They used money they inherited from their parents to pay for the patio and garden.” Planting a garden is one way to memorialize your loved one. Whatever you choose to do, you want the memorial to be “right.” When it comes to memorials, I think the bereaved have several options. One is to choose something that […]

A Final Decision: Making Choices During Grief

Posted on June 30, 2017 - by Lori Leo

Have you ever crossed a high, narrow, rickety bridge, made it safely to the other side only to realize that you are suddenly stuck in the middle of that same bridge swaying back and forth, knees buckled and unable to move? Where did that come from, you ask yourself? How did I find myself unable to move once again? We have a wonderful son adopted from Moldova in 2003. I am fulfilled. I am a mother. When I finished my book, After Miscarriage, A Journey to Healing, a tidal wave of tears flowed as the memories resurfaced, the pain, […]

Grief Counseling: 7 Reasons to Seek Support

Posted on June 28, 2017 - by Mary Joye

“Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” (C.S. Lewis) If you keep the proverbial “stiff upper lip” for too long, you may impair your ability to learn to smile again. It’s okay not to be okay. It’s good to cry. Pain is not meant to be contained for too long in the body, mind or spirit. Suffering seeks relief and release. You and only you can know if you need to talk to someone […]

Still, but Not Stagnant

Posted on June 26, 2017 - by Bunny Bennett

Grief often makes us slow down. We simply don’t have energy, and we must allow our bodies and souls to rest more. Yet, this does not have to mean that our being still signifies an absence of growth. As we practice self-compassion and give ourselves permission to have periods of rest and stillness, we can use those quiet moments for good. Perhaps, we can use our imagination! Do you know that child development specialists are expressing concern for our youth today? They contend that because children grow up with so much pressure on them, such as to perform academically, athletically, […]

The Three Points

Posted on June 26, 2017 - by Mike Russell

My experience with grief tells me that while grief is different for everyone, there are commonalities in the questions grievers ask. How do I move forward? Why does grief take so long to get over? What does normal look like now? These are just some of the questions that linger after the death of anyone and can keep the strongest of us feeling confined. I was there in that situation trying to decide if I even wanted to fight my way out. It turns out that at the time I did not even have the strength to begin. If I […]

Son’s Death Like the Loss of a Limb

Posted on June 26, 2017 - by Neal Raisman

Grief? I can only explain it one way to those who ask how I am. To anyone who dares ask if I am getting over it. My son’s death was like having a leg cut off, the edge where it was hacked off remaining raw and exposed, scabbing over at times, just waiting for someone to rip the scab off with a question or comment to again expose the raw meat of pain to the air. Once you’ve lost a leg, it is always gone. I constantly miss it, phantom pain reminding me of the loss. I’m secretly jealous of all […]

Welcomed Tears

Posted on June 26, 2017 - by Bart Sumner

I have met many people since my son David died 8 years ago who have struggled with the death of a loved one. We have all have had different challenges in moving forward with our lives afterward. It is especially difficult when the person who has died was taken early in their life, when they still had so much to give the world and those they loved. David was only 10 when he died. Tragically a short time after David died, our dear friends and neighbors, as close a friends as we had, who have children the same ages as […]

My Summer of Grief Led to New Normal

Posted on June 26, 2017 - by Lo Anne Mayer

Our daughter died on July 19, 2005. The shock of her suicide and my own gut-wrenching grief that day is painful to remember. No one in our family knew what to do or how to react. It was like falling out of a boat in the dark at high tide. We couldn’t “swim”. We couldn’t help each other. We could only survive. Everyone seemed to be in a daze. We found no help from priests, doctors, Cyndi’s husband or the investigators of Cyndi’s death. At the time, I didn’t know about Compassionate Friends. When someone mentioned it to me, I […]